How Should I Tell My Mother That I've Got Asperger's?

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ReGiFroFoLa
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04 Jan 2009, 5:04 am

I got no clue. She doesn't know the last thing about autism not to mention asperger's... How should I explain to her what asperger's is? I am scared that she won't believe me and will say I am only making things up (as she always was saying when I tried to seek for help). Anyone had situation like that? Anyone can help? I am currently abroad, far from home and I'm moving forward diagnosis here. She has no idea... How should I start this coversation? I am well confused about this. Anyone can give me some advice?



Barce
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04 Jan 2009, 5:48 am

Its something i would try not agonise over. Call her over the phone and just tell her. Try not to stress about it or rehearse it over too much. If the phone call doesn't go all too well and she is not understanding you, you can always email her. Luckily enough my mum accepted it when i told her about it. She read up on it and then was accepting enough of it and agreed i'm on the spectrum.



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04 Jan 2009, 6:15 am

It might be better if you wrote to her about it. That was the only way I could tell my friends.

My mum was skeptic but then read a whole book on it (Asperger's from the inside out) and then e-mailed my psychologist and gave her background information on me.



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04 Jan 2009, 6:32 am

Does she ever read science books? Then you could give her Oliver Sacks' book An Anthropologist on Mars as a present. Sacks describes several different neurological conditions. One of the chapters is about Asperger's and autism. If you like, you could just tell her it's an interesting book, and wait whether she sees any of the aspie traits in you. Of course, she may not dare say anything if she does, so you may have to ask whether she's read it all, and take it from there.



Nan
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04 Jan 2009, 7:25 am

Why do you need to tell your mother?



Callista
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04 Jan 2009, 8:07 am

People generally want their mothers to be part of their lives. Autism is an important part of people's lives.


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Nan
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04 Jan 2009, 9:19 am

I guess. But if her mother raised her, she already knows all there is to know about her. Telling her about an artificial label slapped on herself... is going to change things for the better?



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04 Jan 2009, 9:35 am

I guess the first thing to do is whether your mother has prejudices against autism. I did that with my paternal grandmother yesterday, she started talking about trisomy and autism, saying that more and more children have these problems (especially among teacher's kids).
My mother and I said that there are different kind of autism and everyone is not affected the same way. My grandmother said that they were all more or less violent and incapable of being potty-trained. She insisted on the fact that she knows an autistic child though... But she wouldn't listen to a word I said. In her opinion, autism is a pain in the neck (not for those who have it because she thinks they don't realize they have a problem) and no one in her family can have it (and it's not just autism, before my cousin was diagnosed with dyslexia, nobody could have this disorder... she now claims to be dyslexic but when I told her my professor told me that he is 100% sure I am either dyslexic or dyspraxic or both... she said "stop saying that, you don't have any difficulties at school")...

If your mother has these kind of prejudices against autistic people, maybe you should give her more informations, starting by the Internet, then trying to find books or article.



ReGiFroFoLa
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04 Jan 2009, 10:17 am

Quote:
Why do you need to tell your mother?


Because I'm hopeless at my life and I will have to move to her house again. And she has to finally understand that there are difficulties wich I can't overcome and that it's not about pretending or about being lazy... I can't live - it's true. I can't understand the world and I can't live independently. I'm hopeless and pathetic :cry: I hate my life.



willa
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04 Jan 2009, 10:28 am

Nan wrote:
Why do you need to tell your mother?



I told my mom and her response was "You should just go see a doctor and get on some anti-depresents, it's probably just depresion"

So I'm gonna just reinforce the above quote. Just leave it the way it is.



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04 Jan 2009, 10:31 am

I told my mother, finally. I had it officailly diagnosed first, to avoid the "well maybe it's this instead" conversation. And then waited a year, stalling. Her reaction was very surprising. She was really happy about it. Apparently she'd still been playing "where did we go wrong" after all these years, and just thrilled to know there was a reason and it wasn't her fault.



lostD
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04 Jan 2009, 10:36 am

ReGiFroFoLa wrote:
Quote:
Why do you need to tell your mother?


Because I'm hopeless at my life and I will have to move to her house again. And she has to finally understand that there are difficulties wich I can't overcome and that it's not about pretending or about being lazy... I can't live - it's true. I can't understand the world and I can't live independently. I'm hopeless and pathetic :cry: I hate my life.


You shouldn't feel like that. You're not hopeless, you're just different. And I'm sure your mother could understand you, just try to give her informations about AS and tell her how you feel.
Maybe you can live independantly but not right now. It's true that most people say "depression" whenever you show difference and suffer from it but I'm sure it could help if you tell your mother, she might understand you. Just tell her it's not her fault. And I'm sure you're not pathetic at all. You're just young and kind of lost maybe ?
You know, I just moved and I still live with my twin brother and wait for my mother to help us because I'm not independant yet. It's no big deal.



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04 Jan 2009, 10:41 am

Nan wrote:
I guess. But if her mother raised her, she already knows all there is to know about her.



****WRONG****! My mother thought I acted the way I did because I wanted to, etc.... She NEVER understood the idea of skewed senses. AS could be a way of shoving it in the persons face and saying "SEE? I DIDN'T make it up! OTHERS have this problem!"



Dark_Red_Beloved
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04 Jan 2009, 10:48 am

ReGiFroFoLa wrote:
Because I'm hopeless at my life and I will have to move to her house again. And she has to finally understand that there are difficulties wich I can't overcome and that it's not about pretending or about being lazy... I can't live - it's true. I can't understand the world and I can't live independently. I'm hopeless and pathetic :cry: I hate my life.


ReGi, I know it's hard when the people we care about most don't understand.And there's nothing any of us can say or do to make it go away--but when last comes to last, you are a valuable person. Your intrinsic worth as a human being is independent of the ability or lack thereof to live independently.



Sir_Beefy
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04 Jan 2009, 12:03 pm

Hey Mom, guess what! I have Aspergers! It's not your fault after all! See, see? Look at this here computer screen. See that? It's a paragraph about MEEEEE! Oh screw you woman, I'm trying to show you something! (Hopefully she will react well)


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Sir_Beefy
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04 Jan 2009, 12:04 pm

Hey Mom, guess what! I have Aspergers! It's not your fault after all! See, see? Look at this here computer screen. See that? It's a paragraph about MEEEEE! Oh screw you woman, I'm trying to show you something! (Hopefully she will react well)


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