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My AS assessment--I now am celebrating!

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oblio
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18 Jan 2009, 7:38 am

millie wrote:
I can certainly understand why neshamaruach is happy about the dx. if you are around 50 years of age - like she is and like i am - and you have lived through an era where hardly any people even knew what AS was, then the celebration of a dx makes sense. LIke neshamaruach, i struggled through life for so many years and could not make head nor tale of the human social world. And remember, up until the 80's you couldn't book into a psych or really anyone and find out why you were the way you were....there was nowehre to go and nobody to talk with about it except for psychotherapists, who were inclined to put all the issues down to ABUSE or EMOTIONAL TRAUMA or some such thing. WHen i was a kid, teachers and parents didn't book you into a child psychologist to find out why this little kid was like a little brilliant professor who collected odd things. (while the other girls were playing with dolls, i was lying in the lawn contemplating clover and grassblades, or collecting sticks which were then hung from fishing line from my bedroom ceiling so that the room appeared like some wonderful greenie mobile. Or, i was collecting wine labels or talllying up rugby league footbal scores in an exercise book replete with clippings, scores and simple graphs. ) THere was no-one to udnerstand the meltdown and the inability to regulate emotions, there was no-one to say "hey, yeah, you are a bit different but that is ok. You might have AS and it is an ok thing and we can help you with it and there are others like you and there is a website called WORNG PLANET where you can converse with others with As if you so choose." Nothig like that. Just nothing. I loved who i was but i was WEIRD and i internalised this weirdness because it made me different and it had no name, no face and no explanation. Back then, it separated us AS even more. we were the oddballs, the losers, the brilliant weirdos with so much potential but anable to fuilfill that, because of the innate knoweldge that we were not quite accepted....Just not quite the same. ALL this is still how AS people and kids can still feel of course. But being like that and not having the benefit at age 5 or age 10 or 15 or 20 or 25 or 30 or 35 or 40 of some kind of answer, not knowing and not getting life - that for me, has been a hard place to live. It mightn't be for everyone and i just speak for myself here. It is a very sad thing. And that is why so many people in my age group 45-60 - who finally get some answer - eg a DX- are simply SO RELIEVED. I've come across a number of younger people who are upset by it. And i am upset by it at times too. I have also come across a number of people in my age group who are upset AND also RELIEVED to finally, finally have an answer. I don't want to make a divisive distinction between young aspies and old aspies. Please know that is not my aim at all. that would be silly . but i would like to say that we are lucky these days, to have the benefit of a dx and a criteria and even specialists to go to before we hit 50 or 45. We are lucky to live in an era where the issue of AS is at least beginning to be understood. In my day, you had to be fairly severe in your autism to even get any help.Nowadays there is early diagonosis and that can make the road a lot less painful. have a good day.


Millie, & Nesha

would you allow me to present this in court, when making my case for application of the exception clause of the applicable benefits act, re compensation for a lifetime of benefits not applied for....

Reading back missed postings&threads, and now scanning all your posting, nesha(maruach), i sit here tearbrinked, grateful, heartbroken, edgily rock'nrolled by simple spite at no single one in particular [and that DOES include memeself&me] and

finally....

FINALLY

[shivers&spinesbumpygeeseroadthis]

finally... AGHASP (Luctor et emergo)

FI-NAllllllllY

all that release, you two ROCK

you finally make me dance to my R&R Station


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9CatMom
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18 Jan 2009, 8:41 am

Good news about your evaluation!



neshamaruach
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18 Jan 2009, 5:16 pm

oblio wrote:
millie wrote:
I can certainly understand why neshamaruach is happy about the dx. if you are around 50 years of age - like she is and like i am - and you have lived through an era where hardly any people even knew what AS was, then the celebration of a dx makes sense. LIke neshamaruach, i struggled through life for so many years and could not make head nor tale of the human social world. And remember, up until the 80's you couldn't book into a psych or really anyone and find out why you were the way you were....there was nowehre to go and nobody to talk with about it except for psychotherapists, who were inclined to put all the issues down to ABUSE or EMOTIONAL TRAUMA or some such thing. WHen i was a kid, teachers and parents didn't book you into a child psychologist to find out why this little kid was like a little brilliant professor who collected odd things. (while the other girls were playing with dolls, i was lying in the lawn contemplating clover and grassblades, or collecting sticks which were then hung from fishing line from my bedroom ceiling so that the room appeared like some wonderful greenie mobile. Or, i was collecting wine labels or talllying up rugby league footbal scores in an exercise book replete with clippings, scores and simple graphs. ) THere was no-one to udnerstand the meltdown and the inability to regulate emotions, there was no-one to say "hey, yeah, you are a bit different but that is ok. You might have AS and it is an ok thing and we can help you with it and there are others like you and there is a website called WORNG PLANET where you can converse with others with As if you so choose." Nothig like that. Just nothing. I loved who i was but i was WEIRD and i internalised this weirdness because it made me different and it had no name, no face and no explanation. Back then, it separated us AS even more. we were the oddballs, the losers, the brilliant weirdos with so much potential but anable to fuilfill that, because of the innate knoweldge that we were not quite accepted....Just not quite the same. ALL this is still how AS people and kids can still feel of course. But being like that and not having the benefit at age 5 or age 10 or 15 or 20 or 25 or 30 or 35 or 40 of some kind of answer, not knowing and not getting life - that for me, has been a hard place to live. It mightn't be for everyone and i just speak for myself here. It is a very sad thing. And that is why so many people in my age group 45-60 - who finally get some answer - eg a DX- are simply SO RELIEVED. I've come across a number of younger people who are upset by it. And i am upset by it at times too. I have also come across a number of people in my age group who are upset AND also RELIEVED to finally, finally have an answer. I don't want to make a divisive distinction between young aspies and old aspies. Please know that is not my aim at all. that would be silly . but i would like to say that we are lucky these days, to have the benefit of a dx and a criteria and even specialists to go to before we hit 50 or 45. We are lucky to live in an era where the issue of AS is at least beginning to be understood. In my day, you had to be fairly severe in your autism to even get any help.Nowadays there is early diagonosis and that can make the road a lot less painful. have a good day.


Millie, & Nesha

would you allow me to present this in court, when making my case for application of the exception clause of the applicable benefits act, re compensation for a lifetime of benefits not applied for....

Reading back missed postings&threads, and now scanning all your posting, nesha(maruach), i sit here tearbrinked, grateful, heartbroken, edgily rock'nrolled by simple spite at no single one in particular [and that DOES include memeself&me] and

finally....

FINALLY

[shivers&spinesbumpygeeseroadthis]

finally... AGHASP (Luctor et emergo)

FI-NAllllllllY

all that release, you two ROCK

you finally make me dance to my R&R Station


Wow, oblio, that is FANTASTIC!

Thanks so much for writing all this.

<hugs> if you like them, otherwise

<many blessings every day of your life>

Or both, if it doesn't overload you. :)


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neshamaruach
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18 Jan 2009, 5:17 pm

9CatMom wrote:
Good news about your evaluation!


Thanks!


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velodog
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18 Jan 2009, 6:10 pm

neshamaruach, I was 48 last April 9th when I was diagnosed. At that point I had been waiting 14 months to find a Dr that would work with adults (that was 10 months) and then get the time and money together at the same time to get with the Dr. Since I live between two major metropolitan centers, SF ans Sacramento, with autism resources and had that difficulty then I can imagine that adults who live in more remote areas could face real challenges in getting a diagnosis. Anyway my post is wandering, congratulations on getting your diagnosis taken care of. 8)



vivinator
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18 Jan 2009, 6:52 pm

what is flooding?


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neshamaruach
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18 Jan 2009, 6:56 pm

velodog wrote:
neshamaruach, I was 48 last April 9th when I was diagnosed. At that point I had been waiting 14 months to find a Dr that would work with adults (that was 10 months) and then get the time and money together at the same time to get with the Dr. Since I live between two major metropolitan centers, SF ans Sacramento, with autism resources and had that difficulty then I can imagine that adults who live in more remote areas could face real challenges in getting a diagnosis. Anyway my post is wandering, congratulations on getting your diagnosis taken care of. 8)


Thanks, and congratulations on yours as well!


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neshamaruach
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18 Jan 2009, 6:56 pm

vivinator wrote:
what is flooding?


It's when I get overloaded by all the sensory data from the outside coming in too quickly.


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noahveil23
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18 Jan 2009, 11:52 pm

This is like a weird echo rolling from brain to brain. I see you wrote a lot of this 2 months ago.

The last few days have just been slamming me with this stuff.

Yesterday I was running a show and they opened the house and all 1200 people come tromping into the showroom past my board and no one sees me at all, then this little girl walks by who has the same little sideways smile as my employee with some autistic something or other, and the girl lets go of her caretakers hand and walks right up to me but doesn't look at me exactly, and I realize she sees me and nobody else does, and she must be autistic, and so must I and she goes Hi! and I go Hi! and then we both go agh!! we talked to a human, and we both spun around 180 degrees, and she went off to her seat and I mixed the show. That took about 20 seconds in the human world but its still rattling in my head.

Stuff like that is happening a lot, and my brain is just going whaaaat???

So afterward My wife and I are driving home and she goes Diane (our friend who went to the show with her) was so pissed that girl kept flirting with you. And I'm like what...? I guess the little girl sat and watched me push faders and twist knobs for 90 minutes and did not pay any attention to the band on stage or the 60 odd moving lights or any of the manufactured hoopla of a rock show in a casino showroom. Of course I was totally oblivious to her and everything else being in a trance myself at the time. Which sort of makes sense to me, like oh there's someone like me, what's he doing with all those buttons. She's probably sitting somewhere visualizing how she would design a better digital mixer with a more ergonomic layout and MORE PRETTY LIGHTS! Cause that's what I would have done.

What was the topic again.

OH! I'm glad you're happy with your diagnosis. I have to re-read this thread too.


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noahveil23
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18 Jan 2009, 11:54 pm

This is like a weird echo rolling from brain to brain. I see you wrote a lot of this 2 months ago.

The last few days have just been slamming me with this stuff.

Yesterday I was running a show and they opened the house and all 1200 people come tromping into the showroom past my board and no one sees me at all, then this little girl walks by who has the same little sideways smile as my employee with some autistic something or other, and the girl lets go of her caretakers hand and walks right up to me but doesn't look at me exactly, and I realize she sees me and nobody else does, and she must be autistic, and so must I, and she goes Hi! and I go Hi! and then we both go agh!! we talked to a human, and we both spun around 180 degrees, and she went off to her seat and I mixed the show. That took about 20 seconds in the human world but its still rattling in my head.

Stuff like that is happening a lot, and my brain is just going whaaaat???

So afterward My wife and I are driving home and she goes Diane (our friend who went to the show with her) was so pissed that girl kept flirting with you. And I'm like what...? I guess the little girl sat and watched me push faders and twist knobs for 90 minutes and did not pay any attention to the band on stage or the 60 odd moving lights or any of the manufactured hoopla of a rock show in a casino showroom. Of course I was totally oblivious to her and everything else being in a trance myself at the time. Which sort of makes sense to me, like oh there's someone like me, what's he doing with all those buttons. She's probably sitting somewhere visualizing how she would design a better digital mixer with a more ergonomic layout and MORE PRETTY LIGHTS! Cause that's what I would have done.

What was the topic again.

OH! I'm glad you're happy with your diagnosis. I have to re-read this thread too.


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neshamaruach
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19 Jan 2009, 3:31 pm

noahveil23 wrote:
This is like a weird echo rolling from brain to brain. I see you wrote a lot of this 2 months ago.

The last few days have just been slamming me with this stuff.

Yesterday I was running a show and they opened the house and all 1200 people come tromping into the showroom past my board and no one sees me at all, then this little girl walks by who has the same little sideways smile as my employee with some autistic something or other, and the girl lets go of her caretakers hand and walks right up to me but doesn't look at me exactly, and I realize she sees me and nobody else does, and she must be autistic, and so must I and she goes Hi! and I go Hi! and then we both go agh!! we talked to a human, and we both spun around 180 degrees, and she went off to her seat and I mixed the show. That took about 20 seconds in the human world but its still rattling in my head.

Stuff like that is happening a lot, and my brain is just going whaaaat???

So afterward My wife and I are driving home and she goes Diane (our friend who went to the show with her) was so pissed that girl kept flirting with you. And I'm like what...? I guess the little girl sat and watched me push faders and twist knobs for 90 minutes and did not pay any attention to the band on stage or the 60 odd moving lights or any of the manufactured hoopla of a rock show in a casino showroom. Of course I was totally oblivious to her and everything else being in a trance myself at the time. Which sort of makes sense to me, like oh there's someone like me, what's he doing with all those buttons. She's probably sitting somewhere visualizing how she would design a better digital mixer with a more ergonomic layout and MORE PRETTY LIGHTS! Cause that's what I would have done.



I love when this kind of stuff happens. They're always fleeting in time, but stay with you forever, these chance meetings with other people in our small but very intense karmic group.

And please know that you may have saved that little girl's sanity, or even her life, in a way she may realize many years down the road. She'll be thinking, "I thought I was all alone, and then I saw someone just like me, and he was a grown-up, too!" Imagine the possibilities you've opened up in this child's mind. She now sees herself reflected in the world of adults. She sees that there is a path from where she is to where you are.

Very, very cool.


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melissa17b
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19 Jan 2009, 4:56 pm

Millie and Neshamaruach,

Through the serendipitous event of recent activity on this thread, I ran across your 6-7 Nov. 2008 exchange. A recent thread with a similar theme of positive reaction to a diagnosis appeared recently. I have to say that the two of you have described it spot on, the best I've ever heard, and better than I could put it myself. Having just been assessed and diagnosed last week, at the age of 45, I understand exactly what you are describing.

Best wishes to you both.



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19 Jan 2009, 8:30 pm

Welcome home :)

Funny, and rather uplifting how we react to somebody getting diagnosed. Rather than bad news, it's
"One of us! There goes one of our very own!"

Go in pride, and welcome to our amazingly talented and diverse tribe.



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19 Jan 2009, 9:04 pm

Welcome back, Autter topic

Where you belong!! ! :D

Congrats, neshamaruach! By the way, does your name translate to English?


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neshamaruach
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19 Jan 2009, 9:28 pm

melissa17b wrote:
Millie and Neshamaruach,

Through the serendipitous event of recent activity on this thread, I ran across your 6-7 Nov. 2008 exchange. A recent thread with a similar theme of positive reaction to a diagnosis appeared recently. I have to say that the two of you have described it spot on, the best I've ever heard, and better than I could put it myself. Having just been assessed and diagnosed last week, at the age of 45, I understand exactly what you are describing.

Best wishes to you both.


Hey, Melissa17b, congratulations!! !! ! Mazel tov!! !! ! May you go from strength to strength...


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neshamaruach
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19 Jan 2009, 9:31 pm

VMSnith wrote:
Welcome home :)

Funny, and rather uplifting how we react to somebody getting diagnosed. Rather than bad news, it's
"One of us! There goes one of our very own!"

Go in pride, and welcome to our amazingly talented and diverse tribe.


Thank you, VMSnith! It's nice to have a tribe, isn't it?

Yeah, for us older folks, it's very good news. Before, we were "sort of strangely very I don't know weird? maybe" and now we're "Officially Different." It's like getting a diploma. One we've worked for all our lives.


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