How do I learn to verbally intimidate people?
That strategy sounds like it could work. Problem is, with my social skills, that's not really an option.
i know, in my case, i was lucky. circumstances around me changed, and i got the chance to view myself, and my school, and my classmates etc, from a more neutral point of view. i dunno about you, or how you come off to people, but with me,
in time i changed my whole outwardly persona, i used to hunch, but i learned to walk almost exaggeratedly straight, it felt like i was bending backwards, but it genuinely boosted my confidence.
most importantly: when talked to, instead of reacting in a surprised or insecure way, i answer as if they interrupted my dinner, very abruptly and directly "YES?" "OKAY!", mumbling is self-confidence-death, blurting things out in a almost psychotically direct manner may not be the best thing to do, but it sure as hell beats mumbling ;]
so... i dont think i changed much more than that, my bodily posture, and the tone of my voice, and of course, i stare directly into peoples face. again, its awkward, but it beats looking down.
for voice/eyecontact practice: use your local grocery store clerks ;]
/rant
I found this post hilarious and very useful to boot! Thankyou ZEGH8578.......you cured my headache and made my day. ..on the posture thing....some martial artists suggest leading with your hips when you walk. a bit difficult for me but whenever I make myself do it, my whole outlook becomes more upbeat and chipper.....i almost feel like i could take on the world....
Actually the whole thread is a riot. I hadn't bothered to read it before because i'm not all that interested in learning how to intimidate people....as i want the exact opposite...which is to learn how to not make enemies out of people who otherwise would find me tolerably acceptable..but for throwing too much of my aspie tendencies at them straight from the get-go.. ...
There's something about my presence that intimidates people anyway..I'm not sure exactly what it is. But it's off-putting and I've never had a problem with eye contact. My gaze may be a little piercing as I never remember faces but I remember what is behind their eyes...and that's where my gaze is aimed at. If you don't stare at a person's eyes, but rather deep inside and beyond their eyes, it works better that way..They don't know what the frakk you're doing and it makes them uncomfortable. I don't know any other way of establishing eye contact as it's impossible to just rest my gaze on the surface of their eyes. Holy sh*t, that would feak me out so bad I'd be running away in fright. Peircing into the depths of their soul though - I can almost always handle that...because we're all equal there. It's the stuff on the surface that they want you to see that is so toxic for me.
***
Nevertheless, this thread has some useful tips that only a fool would dismiss as pointless or unhelpful.
Great thread!! Should maybe be printed as a handout for aspies at the meetups. What do y'all think?????
Aufgehen
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 5 Aug 2006
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 68
Location: In a land, Far Far Away
This is also how I make eye contact, I have been trying to explain it to my daughters in order to help them with their eye contact, though my youngest daughter who is autistic rather than aspie and still barely speaks to people (she is a teenager) barely needs help with this in order to protect herself, as her stare is so intimidating that it even scares adult men away, she has been doing this since she was very small, people would come up and talk to her (as she looked like a very inviting precious moments doll) and since she didn't speak she would just give them this intense get out of my face stare... anyway, I have been trying to explain how I look at people without looking at people to them and I guess I didn't really understand it myself as I have been saying that I look at them, but I am not really looking at them, I am looking past them, your description here has helped me to understand it myself and also helps me to see why people seem to be so intimidated when I do actually make eye contact.. and its probably also why I didn't recognize people that were a danger because of their own fear, as I look right past it to the "place that we are all equal" fortunately my experience with certain really bad people has taught me how to recognize dangerous people with my physical intuition instead of trying to do it cognitively.
CleverKitten
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Joined: 6 Apr 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 874
Location: Norfolk, Virginia, USA
Since I cannot look into a person's eyes, a little trick I use is:
Without saying a word, stare at the center of their forehead, right above their nose. Don't let your eyes waver. Have your eyes fixed on that spot.
Tilt your head upwards slightly while still having your eyes fixed upon their forehead.
Raise an eyebrow sceptically. Give a little smirk. Close your eyes, and then gently shake your head no, while chuckling a little bit.
Then walk away, with your head up. Sway your arms as you walk. Just look confident and content. Maybe chuckle a bit more as you walk away.
Don't look back at that person.
It really unnerves people.
_________________
"Life is demanding without understanding."
- Ace of Base
Check out my blog: http://glanceoutthewindow.blogspot.com/
Without saying a word, stare at the center of their forehead, right above their nose. Don't let your eyes waver. Have your eyes fixed on that spot.
Tilt your head upwards slightly while still having your eyes fixed upon their forehead.
Raise an eyebrow sceptically. Give a little smirk. Close your eyes, and then gently shake your head no, while chuckling a little bit.
It really unnerves people.
Some might find this unnerving but others might be outraged by it. Some might interpret as "a disrespect" which is absolutely intolerable and must be followed up by physical violence. You wouldn't believe how poorly some people respond to being disrespected.
CleverKitten
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Joined: 6 Apr 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 874
Location: Norfolk, Virginia, USA
This I do understand.
The only person who has ever used physical violence as a response to this method was my brother. But he has always had anger issues and a problem with controlling himself. It ultimately made him look like "the bad guy" because I never hit him, and in fact tried to end the dispute by walking away. He tried to continue it by using physical violence.
I would advise that anyone using this method of "intimidation" should use their best judgement in determining who has anger issues or not, to avoid possible physical altercations.
_________________
"Life is demanding without understanding."
- Ace of Base
Check out my blog: http://glanceoutthewindow.blogspot.com/
This I do understand.
The only person who has ever used physical violence as a response to this method was my brother. But he has always had anger issues and a problem with controlling himself. It ultimately made him look like "the bad guy" because I never hit him, and in fact tried to end the dispute by walking away. He tried to continue it by using physical violence.
I would advise that anyone using this method of "intimidation" should use their best judgement in determining who has anger issues or not, to avoid possible physical altercations.
Don't use it on someone of colour who looks they may have "black anger." You could end up stabbed.
CleverKitten
Veteran
Joined: 6 Apr 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 874
Location: Norfolk, Virginia, USA
Or shot!
Haha, but really, my brother's favorite weapons were either a laundry basket, or a television remote.
_________________
"Life is demanding without understanding."
- Ace of Base
Check out my blog: http://glanceoutthewindow.blogspot.com/
That strategy sounds like it could work. Problem is, with my social skills, that's not really an option.
Yeah, if we all could somehow manage our own posse of pals, would we have any problems, lol? The problem for many of us is, that isn't an option or if it's an option, it's not reliable since many of us have trouble maintaining our status in our social group, for whatever reason.
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