Ha you ever realize you do things you never realized before?

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Sometimes I notice things in me I never noticed before. I remember awhile back there was a thread here asking about if you get upset when people do things differently than you. I think I said in it I don't care how people do things and I used to care how they did things. But I realized now I do indeed get upset when someone does something differently than I do. I have gotten mad at my bf when he does things differently than me. His moves surprise me and how he does things and to me I feel it's wrong and my way is the right way. I didn't realize it was all the time until my bf told me but he couldn't think of anything of the times when I did when I asked him "like what?"


Here is another thing I had learned about myself I didn't even know I did in the first place. Flapping my hands when I get exited because my bf has pointed it out to me when I asked him how does he know I'm excited. I think I also do it when I get stressed out or nervous because when my parents came out to Portland with the furniture to put in my new apartment when I first moved in here, my mom told me I got scared when I saw the furniture and I asked her how did she know and she showed me by flapping her hands and the look on her face she put.

I was 15 when I learned I was inflexible so my mother referred me as a brick and the rest of my family "cardboard" because it bends meaning they are flexible. The brick is solid, it's stiff, it doesn't bend so it's not flexible and card board is because it bends.

I remember noticing at age 14 how I couldn't look at people when I speak to them. I just didn't find it natural to look at them when I speak to them. I didn't even think of it as being abnormal until I read about AS people with is avoid eye contact.

*bump*

Yes.

I have seen photos of AS people online.

It's incredibly spooky.
It's like looking in the mirror or at a family member or close friend.

In the end, it honestly wouldn't surprise me if a distinct AS phenotype was found, an outward physical expression of the underlying genetics.

I have also watched by AS videos and writings.
These are like how some people I know would write/act, if they weren't in denial.
Some seem like extreme versions of family points of view.

No joke.

I can understand why we were in denial.
If one's surrounded by people who act like that and live in a micro-cultural "bubble" it doesn't seem weird: it's normal.

Likewise, if you look at yourself in the mirror everyday, your appearance seems mundane. If you look and live weirdness every day, it doesn't seem weird at all: it seems normal.

We just want to be treated like unlabeled "normal people". The vast majority of normal people didn't mind us anyway.

I've probably been in the most trouble because who I am basically a distilled and more extreme version of my family's beliefs/traits.

Similarities between people, even those living thousands of miles away...
This can't just be coincidence.

That there was a such a thing as being "socially inept".
Or that socialising was a skill analogous to the motor skills involved in playing a sport such as basketball. I thought that socialising just happened via osmosis.

Before this, I thought that everyone was just unique and as long as they were nice, it didn't matter whether they were shy or not.

I never actually realised that socialising was meant to be a competitive or networking activity because my parents never saw it that way.

I was told by my family that every did their own thing, minded their own businesses and just got on with the jobs that needed doing.

The concepts of social and/or emotional support were not mentioned once.
I was told that if I was nice and polite, and worked hard, that people would like and not judge me.

Not true.

Yeah this is exactly what I go through sometimes!

My five year-old daughter started bringing me rubber bands. They're always around the home because the newspaper comes wrapped in one every morning. Somehow I developed the stim of rolling them into a ball and just twirling it over and over in my fingers. I wasn't even really aware that I was doing it until she pointed it out.

yeah i have.

I believe it was in Liane Holiday Willie´s book, she mentioned that AS people often don´t know when to speak; they can have a tendency to disrupt the flow of conversation, cut people off and jump in on other people´s words. At the time I thought "not me, I don´t have that problem at all". Well...I started paying attention to myself and found that yes, in fact I do have that problem...I "jump in" on people quite a lot, before they finish speaking! Well, now I know I guess...

Just two days ago, I've found myself thumping my right foot on the ground, when I was sitting in the lounge at my clubhouse. I did it twice, and it sounded annoying the second time, so I've stopped doing it. It must have been a nice break for the members who have known me for the eleven years that I've been there.

I never used to think I stimmed, but then reading what people put on this site I realised that I hardly keep still!

There are many things I never noticed about myself before I was diagnosed with Asperger's. For one thing, the hand flapping. I never really noticed I did it so much---and that it was so obvious. I hand flap a lot. And there are others like the eye contact, etc. But here is the big thing. Since my diagnosis this last November, I have watched a lot of videos about Asperger's/autism. I remember watching this one video of a support group for Asperger's. I said to myself, "I don't act like that---they are really awkward and eccentric acting in their movements, etc." I can remember thinking about this---it seems most people on the spectrum have this look about them in their movements and so forth that makes them look autistic. And again I said, "I don't act like that." Well...I was watching some videos taken when my youngest son was born. I had never watched these all the way through before. And since I am usually the one behind the camera---I am rarely in the videos. But, someone else was filming...and there I was in the video. Whoa!! ! I never knew I acted like that. I act much the same way as the autistic people in the videos that I had watched. Am I ashamed? No. Not at all. Actually, it just makes me feel more a part of the group of wonderful people to which I belong---the autistic. I asked my wife about the manner in which I move about and act...and she said that that was basically the way I am. I never realized that. But it's fine by me...because it is me. And I am proud of who I am, and I am proud to be a part of the autistic community.

Yes, all the time.

Before I came onto this site I had reached the point where I thought there was nothing wrong/different about me, and I was either "cured" or had been misdiagnosed in the first place because I laboured under the delusion that the only distinguishing feature of AS was not being able to make friends (and from a few years ago, I have made friends).

Then I came onto this site and I have never been more certain of my AS in my life.

Morgana---glad you could relate to my post. This autistic "look" is in the manner of moving, etc. For example, the way in which I move my head in relation to my body; the way I move my hands and have them placed; the expressions on my face; etc. are very much like the videos one sees of autistic people. This really comes as no big surprise to me since I am on the autistic spectrum---I just didn't realize I was so obvious in my movements, etc.

Again, thanks for responding---I find this fascinating.

Oh...glad you can dance well---all I could ever do was slow dance---awkwardly.