The social stigma of males who seek counseling

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I still get weird looks sometimes when I step out of my counselor’s office. I often wonder why such stigmas still exist for those of us males who seek out counselor’s advice, or go to see psychiatrists. I still think that depression and anxiety is under diagnosed in men because many are afraid of being perceived as weak if they go and seek out help. Men are not less likely to have depression or anxiety than women, but it seems that at least a big portion of the general public still thinks so.

I guess I apologize for not being a big, strong alpha male.

Yeah, men kill themselves three times more often than women, but nobody seems to consider that killing yourself might be a sign of depression.

Good on you for going. It's a shame that society still looks upon men seeking help as non masculine - that attitude is very dangerous, hence the higher suicide rate. Somehow it's just about acceptable if a woman cries, but a man does he must be mad or gay Crazy stuff.

Yeah I was just about to point that out, except that I heard that men kill themselves four times more often. It's not exactly a sign of happiness is it?

Yep. That's because we men are expected to be the brave, tough, "macho" guy - all the time. Even if we have gone through something that makes us feel like someone reached into our chests and ripped our hearts out, we're expected to "suck it up and take it like a man."

And I do remember reading somewhere that divorced men are four times more likely to commit suicide - not sure if that applies across the board though.

The more I read stuff on WP, the more I realise just how completely the alternativists I befriended from the late 1970s onwards saved my bacon. Those people would laugh themselves silly at the notion that a man had to project a strong facade to the outside world, and I accepted their judgement with open arms and never looked back. What a release that was! Sure, when I'm dealing with an aggressive enemy I'll do my best project as much strength as necessary, but no way would I ever internalise any self-image of myself as a strong, macho male. I'm shot through with weaknesses and vulnerabilities just like any other dude.

Anybody thinking I must be talking crap because of the nickname I use here - "ToughDiamond" - well that was an unlucky accident. Originally it was "RoughDiamond" but I kept finding that name had already been used for email accounts etc., so I just switched to the nearest thing I could find to that. In fact for one account I was setting up, found that ToughDiamond had also been used, so I changed it to PoughDiamond - no homophobia here.

I've never thought twice about going for counselling......if I ever did get any funny looks for it, I didn't notice. Anybody who wants to judge me as inferior for valuing my emotions and sensitivities, let them judge. In the long run it'll hurt them a lot more than it hurts me, I reckon.

I wish I had the ability to “not care” about what other people think of me, but for some odd reason I do care. Every time people look at me funny, or I catch people pointing at me while laughing I get upset about it. I ‘m truly envious of your ability to “not care.”

I've never heard of this stigma before. I guess I'm out of the loop. (You might be projecting this onto others when they look at you; it's impossible to tell what people are thinking by just looking at them, especially if you have an ASD.)

Not that I'd care anyway.

I never noticed. But I think that people usually look at me funny. Probably I look funny. And I don't like being looked at much anyway.

Re: Daniel's current icon-tag. I'm on the side with butter on it, I am.

Sounds like you need a bunch of proud, humane alternativists to build up your sense of self-validation. Really, if I hadn't stumbled on those oddballs and thrown in my lot with them, I'd probably still be feeling like I was the only guy in the world with vulnerabilities. Though it's likely that my father also knocked a few holes in the macho myth. He had a lot of undiagnosed Aspie traits, he was very much his own man, very well-grounded in his own sense of himself - if a thing didn't make sense to him, it didn't make sense period. He appeared to have a very thick skin, and I guess I turned out the same way.

I used to get funny looks from (presumably) neurotypicals, but I was able to console myself by thinking of the community of "like minds" that I went back to every night. Granted, the sheer contrast between the judgemental mainstream crowd and the caring alternativists made it in some ways more painful to tolerate the mainstream, but when you've known real acceptance and love from a group, you learn to love and accept yourself better, and that helps immensely.

Of course there are lots of bogus groups out there who seem on the surface to be all caring and sharing but turn out to be selfish and competitive. So please be very careful if you should go out looking for what I found. I tried to reproduce the "experiment" some years later and found another group who were almost completely bogus, and that nearly wiped me out.

I wasnt aware there was a social stigma to be frank.

I'll put it down to my naivety.

can someone describe these funny looks for me, ive never noticed them.

It is more brave to recognize you need help and then seek help than to be to afraid of the opinions of others.

Last time I checked, bravery is considered manly.

Z

oh dont even worry about it. infact i'd go if i had the deneiro, i'd probably cry too. hell yeah!

So, when you step out of your counselor's office, there are people sat waiting? If they are there at all, I assume they are waiting for their own appointments. Is that a fair assumption?

Maybe the funny looks mean, "Oh, this guy is finished. That means now it's MY turn. Oh gee, I wonder if be able to muster up the courage to tell the counselor what's really bothering me without crying." They might be looking straight at you, but deep in thought about their own internal issues.

In other words, maybe they aren't funny looks directed at you.

In America seeking psychiatric care and any associated stigma is more class based then gender. The wealthy readily seek any assistance that will maximize their well being and maintain their social status. The poor and the middle class are told to subject themselves to cruel labor policies which work to dehumanize the individual. Thus, something like good therapy is deemed elitist and/or socialist and thus forbidden. I say forget about what is socially normal and do what is best for your own health and well being.