Adult bullying

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Not since childhood but I lived two years on a city were I was "bullied" by four people. They had very serious issues, so I suppose this is the reason why they did that. They never believed I was introverted. They suspected I was as extroverted as them but that I was faking my personality because I wanted to be "different". They loved to study (gossip about) me, and after the studying period, they came to me with a rude actitude to say to me what they think I had to change about my personality. One of them was particularly interested in isolating me.

It's very difficult to make new friends when you are a 25 years old introverted girl that have to go to a new city to work, doesn't helps if the city is a very touristic one full of extroverted and socialite locals.

I left that city with Anxiety, with capital A.

O I was bullied by some extended family members when I lived a few miles away where I was not allowed to go over to their house for dinner or associated with them because they were scared that I would have a meltdown and make a scene in front of my cousins. They were passive aggressive about that.

At my last job, my boss would go out to lunch with the other women there and often left me out. When it came to special events, like a wedding or a house warming, everyone else would get a card and a gift while I did not. No one from work came to my house warming event and again, I did not get a card or anything. When I was laid off, I also offered to throw a party for the boss as a way of saying thank you. I had also invited everyone else. None of them acknowledged, rsvped or showed up. I also did not get a thank you from my boss. Finally, I was also talked about all the time behind my back because I did things that were not, "Normal." For instance, I shaved my head and they made fun of that or I enjoy cucumber soup and I was made fun of for that.

Most everyone tries to bully me. Friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, street passers-by, staff everywhere, etc. etc. I suppose I must give out an erroneous vibe that I'll be easiest to take advantage of.

Then they're all shocked to discover that I'm the extreme opposite of an easy victim. I'm allergic to attempts at intimidation and I don't believe in "don't stoop to their level, be the better man", so I do stoop to their level and give them some "souvenir" they'll never forget.

There was a job coach who had the demeanor of a bully to begin with. She was always saying negative things or cutting other people down.


When it came to me, she came to visit and came up to me and said comments like, "How's it going little miss priss?" She also cut me down about this or that. This was while she stood to terribly close to her clients that it made them uncomfortable and made nasty comments.

I finally, stood my grounds with her by reporting her and having her removed. I also spoke my mind with her in an assertive way be mentioning that I did not want her to stand so close to me because of my Autism and that level of closeness. I by accidently said, "Don't touch me."

She then asked how I was doing briefly and moved onto the next client who she tried to force a smile. She was like, "Smile, smile, smile, what's wrong with you?" I then got onto the coach's case and said they were going to smile when they felt like it. This was while adding that "You never know what's going on in their life."

This pretty well shut the job coach down and caused her to leave. It evidently made her cry afterwards and rumor got around that I was being mean and made the coach cry.

I was once on the receiving end of what I later realised was a bizzare form of bullying - and one I amagine would probably only be effective against Aspies (although I had no idea what Asperegers was at the time.)

I had just begun my first real job (in my late 20s - I was a late starter) and was at the bottom of the hierarchy, but found myself sent on an educational course alongside two of my superiors to help me learn some counselling skills. This course had to be attended weekly, and so being a non-driver at the time, I took a lift with them each week to the college and hung out with them during break-times/lunch times.

I was under the impression that these guys must have liked me as they hung out with me and laughed and chatted - even confiding in me aspects of their private lives and some of their innermost secrets: but here lay the problem! After a couple of weeks I found myself feeling pretty startled at some of the extreme things that went on these guys lives. For example, one of them described scenes of graffic violence he and his friends were supposed to have committed against a member of a 'rival' group - someone of a different culture in his community. The other talked about his exploits as a male prostitute - and the stories that both told became increasingly bizzare and graphic as the weeks went by. I felt that something was 'wrong' or 'wierd' with the stuff that they were saying, but they chatted about it so casually and in such a deadpan manner than it never occured to me that they might have been lying. After a few weeks, a woman they were both close to in work came and joined me in the staff room (where I normally sat alone during work breaks) - she also proceded to 'confide' in me - about an embarrasing medical problem, that sounded absolutely ridiculous to me - but again was told so earnestly and in such a realistic fashion I thought it must have been true!

Looking back I can't believe I fell for this crap: with hindsight (and it took me a few years to work it out for sure), they were obviously having some kind of huge joke at my expense. I imagine they must have been going back to work when I wasn't on duty and laughing with all the other staff about how gullible I was, and how I lapped up all the BS they fed me with such great interest and concern.

Due to various reasons (not least just that I felt 'wrong' in that workplace - even though I didn't know why), I left that job after about a year, and (touch wood), although I've had plenty of unhappy work experiences, have never had another like that since - but this may be in part because I realised later that they were blatantly taking the p**s out of me, and have made an effort to ensure I never become that close to colleagues again.

I often wonder what the hell possessed these people to behave in such a way - I still find it crazy now - and if you'd heard how extreme and graphic their tales were, you'd know what I mean! Why would anyone want to do this? It's not like they ever had the satisfaction of seeing my face when I found out - as they never admitted it.

I'd be interested to know if anyone else has experienced anything like this, and whether others think this may be a type of bullying that could only work on Aspies!

Yes, I think we must give off some kind of child-like vulnerability that brings out the worst in bullying types - at least until we catch on and learn to wear that hardened shell that thankfully came for me with age and experience. I feel it's a shame though, as I really like 1-1 company with good people but these experiences mean the barriers are permanently up and probably prevent potentially good relationships from forming.

As for people leaking their real-life problems all over the place, the day I learned to drive was a god-send as I was a bus-nutter magnet - I was starting to think I must have 'free counselling for waifs and strays' emblazoned accross my back!

A lot of people still bully me as an adult because I'm an easy target. I'm kind of small and skinny and quiet. I'm not looking for trouble however and I try to stick to areas where I can avoid people like that. It's not easy because a lot of people are like that. If someone sees me and I'm physically and emotionally aloof, they're going to think they can use me as a social stepping stone. It's just how their minds work. There's nothing special or surprising or exciting about it, it's just how the world is.

I like to train at a mixed martial arts gym where there are a few of these bullies as well, but in this environment the bullies have to prove themselves against me... And that's usually a very different story. Even if I do not win, I prove that my initial appearance does not say anything about me. I am a very complex person that deserves respect.

I think my moms boyfriend is the poster child of an adult bully and I bet I know why to. If he would just f***ing admit it and get help I would have no issue with him being with my mom. But he bullies her, my brother and has sort of tried getting under my skin even which I admit he has a couple times causing me to sort of flip out on him. He is a little afraid of me I think because of my PTSD rage mode but then my mom and brother get more crap from him.

But yeah basically he is rather immature like a kid who never quite grew up but thinks hes all mature and prestigious or whatever because he's studied abroad. I think he manipulates my mom big time, though my mom also tends to try and manipulate people so not sure if she does it to him to. But yeah when they've argued and she says he has to move out he says 'you know you can't pay for a new car if I take both mine or stuff like that. Then a couple days later she will be telling him how much she wants him back and really loves him. If she kicks him out he has nowhere to go but his mommies though being he's in his 40's I'd think he could get a damn apartment and treat people with respect.

Me and others have tried to help her rationalize why she should break up with him, but then she gets pissed going on about how everyone is trying to break them apart and meddling and should mind their own buisiness. then when she is mad at him she will make all the complaints others have about him as well and agree with it.........then get pissed if anyone brings it up when she's not mad at him.

I try to deal with him by ignoring him, not spending much time at home when he is there and am trying to figure out a different living situation so I don't have to be around him at all. Still considering my aunts house.....besides I think she's lonely and would enjoy having someone else around. Thing is its not like shes a more responsible adult who will really guide me towards a more stable life, hell I could move in with her and something could happen and we'd both end up on the streets. So I have to keep in mind I have to keep in mind I have to depend on myself more than I could depend on her. sorry for kinda going off topic but yeah bullying doesn't stop when your out of highschool. I also once showed up for a job interveiw the person to interview me was not there and when I tried asking the person there about it they were really rude and kind of mocking like they thought it was funny I was getting so nervous about it....another interview was scheduled but I didn't go because I was afraid of having to deal with her again as a fellow employee.

I spent over 25 years working in finance for large corporations. My aspie brain is very good at analysis and while I am horrible in social situations, decades of therapy helped me to learn how to look normal in more formal situations. Nevertheless I was always "not quite right" in corporate culture but close enough to pass. I have seen many, many bullies in corporate America. The most devious and disturbingly effective ones are outwardly friendly, smile often but reveal nothing of their evil thoughts. Beneath their personable facade are ruthless and dangerous sociopaths who will destroy you for the fun of it. The obvious bullies are much less harmful but still menacing and difficult for aspies to deal with.

I remember one bully in particular. I was in my twenties and working in cost accounting. I had a good manager who was kind, fair and transparent; this is my favorite kind of boss. There were four other cost accounting departments each corresponding to a geographical region. One of the regions had a hideous man as manager who bullied his staff mercilessly. He was also an extreme brown-noser. So much so, that he bought a house near the Controller's home so he could ride the train with him to work every morning. This manager would always volunteer his staff to work on any extra projects. His staff had two timid cost accountants and several accounting clerks. They always worked long hours because the manager demanded unreasonable productivity. Because the accountants were "exempt" they received no pay for this extra work. They were very hard workers who were good at their jobs. I recall one time when his accountants worked the entire weekend on a project he assigned. When he came in on Monday his response to them when they delivered their work was "Is this all you did?" They were crestfallen at this response by him to their hard work and self-sacrifice. He did this even though one of his accountants was a woman six months pregnant.

It came to pass that I was reassigned to do financial analysis. My new assignment required me to interact with this bully manager. Fortunately at the time I was in intensive psychotherapy with one of the best therapists I have had in my life. I described this man and my own insecurity about how to deal with this guy. Although I did not know I was aspie, I fully recognized my severe social communication deficits. After hearing my dilemma, my therapist gave me a strategy to use when interacting with the bully. She told me whenever he acted negatively toward me I should respond in a very gentle and kind manner. Conversely if he came across pleasantly or neutral, I was to react in a stern, rough, angry or aggressive way. My instructions were to move back and forth between these two modes depending on how he reacted with nothing in between.

It was not easy to carry out my therapist's instructions and created high anxiety, but I gave it everything I had and the results were amazing. The bully was completely flummoxed by my "new" communication style and I was able to get the information I needed from him to do my job. One of his staff even told me after work that I was his hero. I never forgot this lesson and used it many times later in life when I found myself pitted against one of these transparent bullies.

However, I never figured out a way to deal with the subtle bullying of the other more devious type. The corporate world is filled with these effective sociopaths who ruthlessly rise in the corporate hierarchy and make it such a loathsome place to work. Whenever I found myself working for one of these creatures I tried to find a way to either transfer out or quit. If unable to escape, the effects were most regrettable. Eventually I quit the corporate world and became a scientist.

Occasionally I have. In almost all cases I've observed them also bullying people who shared little to no traits with me, so I can only conclude that it's less about me than them. As for dealing with it, well I've always wondered why people fear bullies so much, they will find themselves in some pretty serious, angry-policemen-with-metal-sticks-and-zappers-related trouble if they do anything physically, and as for what they say, who cares, why should I care what someone I don't like or respect has to say about me? It affects me about as much as the homeless schizo who screams about me being the Antichrist. What I find truly pathetic are the type of people-and working in security, I work with lots of these types-who seem to have not matured out of being a fifth grade bully or high school jock, they might have been terrifying and wielded some semblance of power back then, but now they are utterly delusional simpletons who are in fact the butt of many jokes. Excuse me, I believe I hear some chickens coming home to roost.

Ive been bullied most of my life but the worst was a work place bullying situation by two adminstraters. I was relatiely successfull for two years as an intern teacher in sp ed.. well.. I wasnt supposed to be apparently, and the third year jealous coworkers spread lies about me which this adminstrater was to willing to believe. She and another set me up with all the behaiour problem kids, cut my staff below what was legal., put me and the kids in danger.. this went on for a year but as an intern i could do nothing about it, in cali an intern can be fired with no reason givin and i wanted to get unemplolyement when I saw the handwriting on the wall.. it was a constructive dismissal situation,, set up by two bullying adminstraters who believed lies... I was not renewed the next year,, i cut my losses.. took unemploment, got retired and left the state,, I couent go back into a classroom for a year after that, i finally was able to work as a sub TA but even that has its moments....... I didnt kknow I had aspergers at the time and I wonder now how much of my lack of social skills and inablity to contront and read people contributed to the bullying,, they saw a victum,, tested me and I failed...