Question for old fogies only

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I understand that. Having my son changed things for me in a huge way. For the better, I might add. He is a diagnosed Aspie and I don't know how he'll fare as an adult. He's just 12 now.

Amazing--another WP person with a brain aneurysm! That was my medical adventure of 20 years ago. Best wishes for a good outcome from your embolization. My compensations for my traits were largely lost in the aftermath of my aneurysm (stroke) and I became more strongly ASish--much more like I was as a child.

i am 33. i have been working on myself for almost a decade now.
i have serious issues with motivation and try to read books or whatever to help me actually "make something of myself".
i have perfectionist tendencies, so it's difficult to even start. i fear failure, enough that i do not continue doing things. i am hoping that possibly recognizing that there is a "medical" reason behind my inabilities in life will help me be a little less hard on myself.
however, i must say that... even though i haven't "made it" yet... whatever that means for me at the moment, i have come a TREMENDOUS way from that scared, confused, messed up 24 year old. i have made hard decisions and have continued to work on myself to become calmer, learn emotional control and figure things out, aka what works for me.
i have been trying to think of what i want for the future, to make lists, to use tasks. none of these things work all that well. but i feel like... the very act of struggling will make me a better person.
i guess i mean that... instead of wanting to "make it" my goal in life really is to keep trying to make it and be positive. to constantly be working toward something and to enjoy the process. i am constantly failing, or at least not living up to my perfectionist expectation of myself. but i know that every (nonfiction) book i read, i get smarter. every time i pick up my guitar, i am more able to express my emotions through it. whenever i draw, i am becoming more skilled at it, even if just minutely.
my opinions about "making it" have changed. i don't want to be a rock star. i want to be able to grab my guitar and play something and have someone else know how i am feeling. i want to draw a comic book that is philosophical and intelligent, causing another human to think. i want to write a book that challenges people to think outside the boring social mores, that people in general do not question. this would mean that i have succeeded. every time i accomplish a task that is hard for me, i have succeeded.
in my viewpoint, making it, or being famous, or making a tonne of money... well, to put it bluntly and also completely inappropriately for most people... one day the sun will explode (for example) and humankind will be eradicated forever. in the face of concepts like that, i really don't think it matters how successful you are. i know that most people would find that reasoning kinda useless to them, as no human needs to think in such long terms but the concept still applies.
we are but drops of water in a vast ocean of time and space, and the best we can ever hope for is that we enjoy the time we have and do things we do not regret (such as treating those around us that we love and respect as well as we can).
(sorry for the drama, just kinda got carried away.)

I often felt this way, but over the last few years with my kids grown, I realize that I had to put down the idea that there was something "wrong" with me in the sense that I was somehow obligated to measure my success in a certain way.

I caught myself thinking I was a waste as a human being, and it made me realize all the sh***y things I was telling myself on a regular basis, and honestly, that was the real thing that dragged me down and made me feel useless.

If you take a real look around, you will likely find you are no better and no worse than most people. I had to remind myself that I'm no more of a waste than any average person who goes to a nine-to-five job all day then comes home, puts something in the microwave and plops down in front of the television. What a person like that values isn't the same thing that I value, so why should I measure my success in the same way that they measure their success? I needed to give myself permission to be ordinary and just do the best that I can.

I don't mean to sound relentlessly cheerful, because I'm not. It's been a struggle financially recently, and I'm angry and depressed and afraid because money is so tight. Still, things change. If they change for the worse, I won't have to worry about the worst happening any more, and I know from many years of experience that if I keep on trying, it's much more likely that things will improve. And I get out of bed every morning, and I don't brood over it.

Since I took this new attitude, I feel better and I'm perfectly willing to keep at it.

I had a very successful engineering career yanked out from under me when the economy collapsed. I am back in school so I can get into the medical field because that is all that's left. I have a long hard road ahead of me but I'm encouraged by the fact that hard work and professionalism are still valued in the medical profession. Those two traits are the kiss of death in any other field now.

YES!!
I realized I screwed up totally when I lost interest. I always dropped the ball when I got bored. I overcame this by changing jobs on my terms every few years. I went into a contracting industry where taking a different contract every year or two was a norm, so it didn't look bad on my job history. This also gave me the chance to move on someone else's dime when I felt like I was sabotaging myself in a community.

There were and are times when getting up each day indeed is tough. I made the commitment to learn something new that I am afraid of or will better my chances of success in life every year. Planning that or when I am down, picking that thing that has me down to learn that year has been my defiance that is me flipping off the world and making me smile. One year I picked ballroom dancing and took west coast swing classes.

But in short, yea, I can accept very easily when you say problems have been caused by nothing holding your interest for long. Creating a life where that is a positive instead of a negative is how I have adapted.

*********
edit, who am I kidding, I could just as easily have written what you did. I always have believed I could do more, or do something that holds more purpose then what I do now. I thought that I can read people better then anyone else since I have learned what to look for and tried to join the FBI, I passed every phase and had the job offer, I couldn't run 300 meters in 52 seconds and couldn't get in, and after that I feel like I my life holds no purpose. I picked another very important job and my resume looks like a tech geek and can't get call backs from that job. My wife tells me I need to do what ever it takes to make me happy, but I don't know what I can do that I will not see something else that I would rather do. I pretend I can overcome this and change the world, but in reality I will be writing the same thing at age 72

Amazing--another WP person with a brain aneurysm! That was my medical adventure of 20 years ago. Best wishes for a good outcome from your embolization. My compensations for my traits were largely lost in the aftermath of my aneurysm (stroke) and I became more strongly ASish--much more like I was as a child.[/quote


Thanks, my procedure has been moved up to March 30 and I am so glad! This wait has been nerve-wracking. I can't wait for it to be over.

Well, I'm not sure life has a meaning or purpose. But that's not the same as saying it has no value. What's the meaning or purpose of Beethoven's 9th Symphony, or the Mona Lisa? Yet they most certainly have value.

As for finding a reason for getting up each day, I think one key is to direct your focus on others instead of yourself. You can always volunteer to help someone do something.

Most city libraries have literacy programs, for instance, where you help teach adults to read. Helping to bring the wonder of the written word to someone who has never had it ... trust me, that will humble you, my friend.

There's Habitat for Humanity. There's Meals on Wheels. There are programs for working with abandoned pets. There are a zillion things you can do. The point is, I think, to see what difference you can make in someone's life.

If you're 72, I assume you're retired and therefore aren't constrained by money. The biggest obstacle is ... well, there is no big obstacle. Just make yourself do it.

The best of luck to you

In Au too Metal_Man:

Gives me the pips!

Have been struggling with motivation -like trying to do what I want: drive somewhere; buy some decent shoes/clothes... work has become scarce due to being over 55 and now having Dx of As I can't pretend to value the work stuff as i once could (Which i had to do - pretend that is- to make sure my chn and I had as much a "normal' connection with the Nt world as possible.)

I have never valued 'making it' in that arena. What I do value is my life- and so too , other lives.
I Especially value having an Unfettered Life

Before AS Dx I would be motivated by anger and/or joy:
-anger in response: " don't let the b******* get u down,
- joy, because of the deep satisfaction that i get when immersed in my personal interest.

On reading Tolle's The Power of Now I thought that's how i am experiencing it when at work on my PI project.

I've spent the last 3 years learning about ASD, along the way I'm trying to understand or foresee 'What Now'.

The same Nt dominating issues still persist for me. Now i do not care to get angry, but am allowing myself the dreadful experience of feeling frustration. I think it's my way of trying to understand them. It was much easier before when I would dismiss or prove publicly, that an NT negative attitude impeding my way, was discrimination. But, as another post here said
"hard work and professionalism " has died out of the work place, and I would add, the social context too.

Now if one can't or wont mingle with the minglers you have no currency.

How pathetic is this new custom!

So I attest:
That I have the right to live my life, to choose my own way - AS LONG AS I DO NOT HURT SELF OR OTHERS OR THINGS.

and I will not shrink because they attack me for being different.

and I will keep on learning those things and thoughts that draw me to them.
AH....sounds like a Rave............... and a melt down.

I'm near 59 and not going to shut down just as I have come to understand some "whys".

Hope I haven't gusted out your morning/noon or night!!

But peace and kindness I wish u all.

I'm 37 and realized my AS about a year ago. I'm starting to understand that the floundering I'm experiencing is somewhat predictable given my tendancies. I'm trying not to put myself into positions that I will eventually lose motivation because recently I have not been able to manage it enough to be productive. This is frustraiting because I have always been very coscienteous about commitments. I have been self employed for over a decade which was a mistake because I don't have the abilities to pull that off I now see. I'm an artist craftman but manage to fowl up the business end. I know 37 but the days are evil. I'm seeking a regular paycheck hoping the security that offers will free me from the termoil although I know there will come a time when I could become unsatified with this new experience has to offer. This should and doesn't have to be such an important part of my life but it carries too much wieght and preoccupies too much of my thought because of the lack of my social life.

Motivation for getting up each day is declining very rapidly, at least for me. Retirement is a real bummer, since NONE of my hopes and plans have come to be. My attitude now is simply to give up and quit trying to be, or to do, or to have. I am tired of trying. Life now is just a bad ride downhill. I sure hope that I don't live to be 100! IN my earlier years, I was an engineer with a good career in a great company, but now? Well, I am tired of fighting battles in a world that is becoming more and more restrictive and controlling. If you can find a way to keep motivated please let me know

Not a foggy fogie topic

Now do not give up, fogies, er, folks.

You need a special interest, or interests. Mine has been with me for going on 43 years, and there are the sub interests branching off from them.

I have two younger kids almost grown. My older one i do not see as much, but I still think of her. At any rate do not regret your life. It is the only one you and I will ever have (as far as I know) so please do not give up.

Perhaps I value life because of my special interest (genocides and eliminationism) and the fact that my son tried to take his own life five years ago, I am glad I was there to assist him in not taking his life.

Older people need to find/create a legacy that will live on after they depart this world, so someone will remember them. I have done this via my own personal philosophy, my writings and a family tree I have been working on for a few months.

Just a few thoughts. Even if these do not appeal to you find or brainstorm some of your own.