Will I put everyone I fall in love with through hell???

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I seem to be the king of pain
And it looks like every relationship I get into, after not to long I become a monster
And start to hurt those that, well I thought, I loved
And I do love them, so I am very upset I get stuck in these patterns
I have watched my patient mother stick by the side of my AS father (and Alcoholic), and we both have had our fair share of being treated bad, and she is still there, and seems to love him know-matter how mean and cold he can be to her
I was given the diagnosis of AS 4 years ago, and now I am 35, I understand the disorder yet seem to be unable to find peace, love, and happiness.
My most recent and deepest relationship is in a broken state, and she ended up betraying me to push me away. She still wants to be my best friend though and I am finding it very hard to be around her now, and every time I try to spend time I wind up in a very bitter place and start treating her bad all over again. Will I be able to put this back together at all? and be at peace without her intimacy? and is it even worth trying to find a solution that makes us both happy?
I feel I should just leave, I also feel that I will do this in every relationship I have, that's a sad feeling but that has been the pattern in my relationships up till now
I have lost all hope that I will treat my partner well, all the time.
Is it easier to stop the pursuit of finding someone that can cope with my tendencies
Right now I feel being alone is the best for me, should I stop wanting affection forever ??
I will sleep better to know.... am I just meant to be alone????
Should I try to be friends with her, but without the intimacy we once had? and is that possible for someone like me?
I hate to put anyone through this again, and she had been the most patient out of anyone so far, it is so draining on both ends.
Should I make anyone go through the mud, in order to love and understand me?
Thank you all for reading and your feedback, I feel stuck

Yes. Leave this girl behind. She left you. And, the pain and emotions will just keep coming back. I know this from personal experience. It took a lot of courage on my part to leave my ex behind me. People thought it should have been easy for me, but they don't have autism. I know it is not easy, but you are better off not being friends. It is just too much of an emotional weight.

I'm not convinced that the relationship failure you mentioned was entirely your fault. I don't understand what behaviour on your part could have justified her being unfaithful to you "just" to get rid of you. To me, that's the coward's way out. If somebody wants to end a relationship, they end it. I'd rather a partner punch me in the face to make her feelings plain. And it's not healthy for anybody to rebound onto another partner without a break. So don't go thinking that you blew it with a perfect woman. I'd recommend having a think about what she was doing wrong.

Mind you, I have similar feelings about my own failed relationships. My parents didn't get on at all well, and now every time I get close to somebody it eventually goes sour and I find myself following in the parental footsteps. It can be the hardest thing in the world to rise above your heritage. Little things they do can really upset me, and once they upset me all I seem able to do is to resent them. New relationships have so far been the only relationships in which I've been able to make anybody happy......I can be gorgeous to women I hardly know, with no conscious effort at all, then the rot sets in and we lose respect for each other.

As for whether or not you're meant to get it together with anybody, I'm sure these things aren't a matter of fate. Whether you finally succeed or just end up with a string of depressing failures depends on how much you want to do the couple thing. Wanting, per se, doesn't guarantee success though. The game is never without risk. You can learn reams of techniques for matrimonial harmony and conflict resolution, and still find that your feelings won't let you use that knowledge. I think the thing that helps the most is to try to understand what your feelings were when you went wrong. Eventually you might be able to work out what kind of partner would be right for you. Lots of people seem to take on anybody as long as they seem reasonably attractive in the beginning. They just don't see what's coming, and when reality hits, they flounder.

Even for NT men, it's often very difficult. Relationships are all about being able to read feelings. So it's even more difficult for Aspie men.