how do you get your s**t together

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okay i'm making some difficult and frightening steps i need to take to get just stable. like, materially and hopefully emotionally.

but where do i do from there? my best laid plans got me in this jam.

how do you know where you want to live?
how do you know what people are safe to make friends with?
how do you know HOW you want to live, what you want to do with your time?

all my goals are so vague and i'm seeing now they were mostly fantasies well beyond my abilities. for twenty years i lived trying to make everyone else happy and that didn't work. so i tried to make my own dreams come true and fail.

i could go to any personality/career testing site (or professional) (and have) and get the standard answers. I need answers from aspies and auties. someone whose mind works like mine.

now i am going to go watch an inspiring movie.

I'd like to know answers to your questions.

I struggle with this myself and I still don't have any clear answers.

"how do you know where you want to live?": What are you dissatisfied with now? Where do you think, you could have, what you are missing now?

"how do you know what people are safe to make friends with?" What is "safe"? What kind of trouble have you had?

"how do you know HOW you want to live, what you want to do with your time? " You must concentrate on your interests and ask very concrete questions.

Write your questions precise and handle them one at a time.

I was living in upstate N.Y. at the time (I was 22, had dropped out of college the year before, and wanted to move away).

For "figuring out where I wanted to live", I made a list of the 50 states (knowing overseas wasn't an option for me).
Then I went through, crossing them off for whatever reason struck me as salient (such as culture/politics/climate).
I was left with a small few states in the same area I've lived all my life (northeast U.S.),
so I asked people (incl. my gyno. at the time) if they thought Vt. was a good state for me to live in, a good "fit"-
and they agreed that it was. Then, my mother drove me (I can't drive) around the state so I could check out places,
and see where "felt" right to me, in terms of amenities within walking distance yet not too urban.
Which is how I settled in the Vt. town I now live in, 18 years ago.

if it was that easy for me, i wouldn't have made the OP. by "easy" i don't mean "not a lot of work." i have put an inordinate amount of work into trying to answer these questions. i have had little success. i was hoping to glean some insight from other people's experience.

Sorry.
It is the only strategy, I can think of.
I´m doing it myself now.

Ok, I hadn´t understood what kind of trouble you´re actually in!

s'okay. no worries

I sincerely wish, that you can find a instant bearable solution for now.

My first deliberate move was to a better climate, where I hoped to meet some business partners. The next one was to accommodate group plans. The last one was to get away from all those people and their abuse. I had to live in my car for two months, but I went to an area that exports food and energy, then narrowed it down to the sub-section with the artists and somewhat better scenery. Artists tend to live in "little Bohemias" where prices are low, buildings can use some fun paint, and eccentricity is valued. Then I bought a very cheap but sound house in a town that is small enough to be safe, but big enough that people were not startled by a new face. I live mostly on-line, so physical location isn't too important to me.

Safe people for me talk about half the time when we are together, have the same general politics, and try to be fair when making deals, not just get the most.

I try to identify my talents, and see where they could be of general benefit. Usually, the economy has only room for helping billionaires, so I need a separate income. It is nice if it does not use the same parts of my brain that are making mental models for my vocation. I've learned to make time for exercise if it isn't built into my day, and take time for hobbies or other things that feel like a treat from time to time.

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thanks, i can get my head around this. it's good to know you managed living out of your car for a couple of months because i really hope to be able to save up some money for an apartment (while figuring out where i actually would be happy living and not just jumping into something before i know an area). i was also thinking about seeking out an arty creative area. the last place i remember being happy was a beach community where everyone was some kind of indie, either writers or filmmakers or artists or entrepreneurs.

how did you find the climate you liked? i do a ton of internet research but it seems like everyplace is either too hot in the summer or too cold in the winter. i've decided i hate arizona (no offense to any arizonans, it's just not for me); i have too many bad memories here, and in new mexico too. colorado seems too cold. i'm thinking nevada, but i don't want to get into another town that is so small all anyone has to do is gossip and backstab and get into everyone else's business (like mine). how big a town was about right for you?

i found someone i know in las vegas which is only a few hours from here, so i might go there first. it's not too hot and not too cold for a few months at least. then i'm thinking either st louis or back to the east coast, maybe south carolina. cost of living is a factor since i am on a fixed income.


oh and any tips you might have about surviving while living out of a vehicle would be much appreciated.

This town is about a thousand people, an hour away from the nearest traffic light.

The sea coasts are more moderate than mid-continent climes, but they tend to be pricy. Now, I go with the Scandinavians: "There is no bad weather, just inadequate clothing." Sun and snow are less depressing than rain. The most constant, pleasant weather is found at altitude in the tropics, but everybody will be wanting to move up, and mountains are cones. I would definitely avoid Vegas and other places that produce only debt, with the economy so overextended and fragile.

If you don't have a wagon or hatchback with room for a full-length bed in the back, only keep the driver's seat. Even if you have room, the front passenger seat area works better with a kitchen cabinet. In a small car, you can put a little table in your lap to work on, with a bag of water on the dashboard with a hose, and a bowl under your knees as a sink. There are lots of one-pot recipes. (I don't use restaurants.) You can probably find local homeless people for advice on where to park with minimum hassles.