She really doesn't like me

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Infantile drama hijacked this post in another section so I decided to repost in a more adult section for serious on-topic answers and discussion.

There's a lady at church. She's one of the few women near my age and she's a mom with a lot of kids. She really doesn't like me. I have no idea why. She's civil to me. When we're left in a room alone, it's the kind of awkward that comes when you're stuck in a room with someone you don't want to talk to. I don't think she's said anything about me to people because the awkwardness is just around her with me. She's friendly to everyone else, including my husband. So I don't get it. I must've said something or maybe I missed something she said and she thought I was snobby and didn't like her... sometimes that happens. I'm not as outspoken around the church group as I am elsewhere because I don't wish to offend people. I took my husband aside at a church-based social function last evening and said, "She really doesn't like me." in a half-amused voice. I'm not taking it personal, I'm not offended, but I just can't figure out why. He told me later that it may just take more time, more social functions, and she'll loosen up and realize I'm cool. And I guess that's about all there is to it. She hasn't seemed to have needed that time to be cool around anyone else, though.

If I get sick of it, I'm not above asking her, "You act like you don't like me. That's the vibe I get. Have I done something to offend you? Why don't you like me?" but someone can get really freaked out by that kind of directness, so I try not to bottom line it for people when I can avoid it.

In the meanwhile, it's like my husband says, just let it go and let her opinion change with more interaction. I may just be one of those people that just rubs her the wrong way without there needing to be an explicit reason. Who knows.

Honestly, it could be nothing you said or did. Some people get a sense of "Oh, she's different from me, in some way I can't put my finger on," and that's enough for them. It has nothing to do with whether the "different" is harmful or threatening in any way; some people are just that closed-minded.

I've had people size me up for what I could potentially do for them and as soon as they realized that 1) I was different from them, 2) was immune to their "charms" and schmoozing, and 3) was unlikely to recognize that they wanted something from me or able to provide it, even if I wanted to, it's like I no longer existed. I don't take it personally, I think there are genetic and cultural components to this kind of behavior. I do find it quite short-sighted, but then I have an extremely long memory...

Since you're married and are present with your husband in a social setting, I don't get the sense that she's worried that you're a threat to her marriage. I get that a lot, unfortunately, as a single female in social settings, regardless of whether I've even looked at a particular person. I have been "friended" on Facebook by significant others of male friends, and then every communication I have with the male friend is followed up by a comment from his significant other. It's just amusing.

I will give u a totally dif take on this

I have had this experince quite often. (feeling like people are activly ignoring me) i kinda think some of it is how we tend to interact with others. I have been told often i come across as all buisness, since i generaly dont make small talk or chat.
I wonder if they just dont know how to begin a conversation or if something about how they percive me makes them avoident.

She could be jealous that you have a good marriage and she doesn't? I mean, it could be 80% issues on her part and only 20% that you're too businesslike, whatever, whatever.

One thing I learned playing poker, roll with good things, pull back from bad, and a lot of times there's not a definite explanation. (I generally do recommend poker for social skills. I very much do not recommend it as an attempt to try and make movie primarily because of natural variance and the statistical phenomenon of "gambler's ruin." In other words, poker should be just for fun.)

you can also take comfort in assuming that by statistical probability you will almost always meet at least one person who has their head in their ass anywhere, (go to your local shopping center and prove me wrong)

Who knows what goes through peoples' heads? Especially NT women....yikes!
I prefer to think that people who act like that are jealous of me...or afraid of me. Either one will do.
In reality, it's probably due to some crazy reason that you'd never guess.

I often find the ones I think dislike me are the ones I generally get on best with eventually.

You may be a threat to her for any number of reasons. She may be equally as shy as you come across. You could just be really paranoid. Unless you ask you'll never know.

But asking could really put a wedge between you. Why not extend the hand of friendship to her? Make a specific effort with her for a while and if she is still standoffish then leave her to it and at that point be blatantly obvious about knowing she dislikes you.

We cant all get along and we don't have to like everyone, and conversely be liked. That doesn't mean being rude or without manners, as pleasantries don't hurt.

I've come to realize in my observations of NT's, that NT women can not like someone for silly, illogical reasons and frequently, it isn't a matter of you having done anything offensive or wrong.

Of the reasons I've noted that NT women frequently have for not liking other women, in no particular order.

1. Jealousy.
2. Not in line with their own standards.
3. Arrogance (their own)
4. Arrogance (perceived on the part of the other woman)
5. Various other petty things.

I guess you have two choices

1. Leave the subject alone.
2. Politely ask if you've done anything to offend her (in this situation, most people will deny that you have, and also deny any negative feelings they might have towards you. It could result in her being warmer to you.)

happens with me too often
many people dont seem to like me
they tend to just ignore
not say hi
or include me in their conversation
i just keep to myself now....since i know about this

I know that a lot of people are put off by me because of my "body language" or lack of. I also have little to no eye contact which makes people nervous. I used to wonder why people didnt like me without knowing me...I just figured I wasnt "their" people so that was why they would pinch up their face, say cruel things to me or behind my back or simply ignore me.
Ive been singled out in the work place and it used to really upset me. I used to have to work next to another Medical Assistant that absolutely hated me for no apparent reason. She was also good friends with the administrator and her doctor was the head doc in the practice. Instead of helping me as I was struggling she actually did things to sabotage me. I never did anything to her but she seemed to want to make me miserable and very much enjoyed it when she did. I finally ended up getting fired because I could not handle all the pressure and anxiety. The job was stressful enough but to have her on top of me all the time made it all that much worse. I even developed a tic that lasted for months. My doctor didnt want to loose me but she knew what was going on and could not really protect me and knew I was loosing it. She did try to move my desk once but the administrator would not have it. At least my doctor made them give me severance pay and even took care of me through my pregnancy....I was a few months pregnant when all this was going on as well.
I think they were hoping that I would quit but the administrator was very happy to fire me, she was even smiling when I was crying and then asked me if I was shocked? I guess they thought I was smug and did not think I would get fired....it was actually just the opposite.
Anyway, this taught me a valuable lesson....I dont let these types of people bother me anymore. They can hate me for their weird reasons....whatever they may be, but Im not going to let this affect me anymore.