I want the things 'NT's' have but I'm an Aspie

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More than anything else with being an Aspie, I feel shut out of so many things I could have done with my life- if only I had the social skills to do them.

When I was a teen I used to dream of being a high profile politician, making decisions that affected the lives of millions. Where my every move would be followed, where people would be waiting with baited breath for my next news conference.

None of that ever happened. After a string of short, meaningless and unrelated jobs, till I started working in the trucking industry. I've been in trucking since 1996 and I recently realized that in fact I got the exact opposite of what I wanted as a teen. I'm a nobody, I could die tomorrow and few if anyone would care. I wanted my decisions and actions to affect millions, but in fact I'm unknown, ignored and passed by pretty much everyone.

I also can't advance in position. I'm one step above the janitor at work and likely to stay there. I wanted success, fame, fortune, sexual conquest, ect, ect. But got failure, anonymity, poverty, and loneliness instead. So many doors have been slammed shut in my face by my lack of interpersonal skills that I have no plans for the future whatsoever- I'm just here- waiting.

Waiting to die I guess; as if there was anything good for me to look forward to still do here in life otherwise?

I would wait it out till the end of 2012. Maybe the aliens really are coming back for us. It's the only logic that makes any sense to me right now.

This happens to a lot of people... not everyone can have their dreams. We all fall short in some regard.
You want to be a high profile politician? So accept that you may not be the high profiled politician but you could volunteer in politics. Write to your congress people about autism, there are TONS of people who need you to advocate for them.. because they can't. Get involved on a more local level.

also, having a lot of money brings about its own set of problems nor does it guarantee anything.

While this is true, I think you're missing the point of what the OP is trying to say. Sure, not everyone who dreams of fame and fortune will get it, but the OP is saying because of his social disconnect, he never even had the ability to try in the first place. And don't tell me did, because he didn't.

Others can fail on their own terms, or fail because of other external factors. OP's failure is that society would never even allow him the opportunity to try because of being socially out-of-step.

I actually know of a program which helps people with social skills, but it is expensive, and programs like that only exist closer to bigger cities. I would try to find resources to read more about social skills and save up money to attend autistic conferences or camps, and the best way you can learn besides research is involve yourself in as many social interactions as possible. Expect to fail, but try to learn from your experiences. It's very scary indeed. Nothing is easy, is it?

Keep trying to talk about specifics on here and respond to others on here. Maybe that will also help since this forum might be kind of a safer environment overall. . .

(Slightly off-topic)

Interesting that you feel that way, because at least where I live, truck drivers are the most powerful citizens. They affect the day of millions. They're always deferred to and sucked up to because of their power. I'm always watching them and envying them. I always tell myself what a great feeling of power they must have.

I can't go to work if one of them decides, for the heck of it, to park at the entrance of our parking lot and leave us all stranded for the morning, as it takes hours for the Police to arrive and ask them to move the truck. I live on top of the supermarket, so I fret each morning. Unquestioned masters of the roads, I failed my driving test because I didn't defer to one in a one-lane road. You paid and you did all you had to do, yet when you'll be able to enjoy your purchases depends on the kindness / abidance to rules of the truck driver. Fail to suck up to him and you can lose your job, because the customer will get angry if the truck driver procrastinates on submitting the POD (proof of delivery). Want a bad day? Talk back to a truck driver and he'll humiliate you for being a woman. Are they a good driver or did they leave the whole population of several cities this morning stuck on the way to work because they did something silly? Each typical day of mine (and everyone where I live) is majorly determined by the truck driver.

Now, to answer your OP - the answer is "reframing". That's what most people do. I also have had to do massive reframing in my life, due to my extreme social problems.

I forgot to explain - reframing is, in a nutshell, finding new, alternative ways of fulfilling the essence of your dreams, without the external shape you had given them.

Just as a way of example: you ask yourself: "Why is it my dream to affect the lives of millions?" Let's say you answer: "Because I want to be listened to." Then you find a way to feel listened to that has nothing to do with Politics. Music, maybe. Or whatever option you do have available.

Oh, Moondust, I think this is just *wonderful*!

Thank you, mv. My former therapist taught me that.

A huge amount of the most famous people did their work after work hours as the simplest clerks in the simplest offices. Eg: Einstein (civil servant), Kafka (clerk), Antoine de Saint Exupery ("The Little Prince") delivered mail, Lewis Carroll ("Alice in Wonderland") was a priest.

Water usually takes the path of least resistance in life, and I don't think people are all that different. Warren Buffet makes a lot of money, in part, because that's what he has the natural inclination and aptitude to do. Most people want to make a lot of money, but even if you were to give them a few hundred thousand dollars to invest, probably wouldn't be able to make much of it. So we frequently end up in the positions in life that reflect a path that was easiest for us to traverse. A lot of individuals who are successful and ambitions probably don't know how not to be. My cousin is a social butterfly. I don't understand how she can have so many friends, she doesn't understand how I can have so few.

That being said, you might very well be able to get yourself into the type of position you think you want to be in, if you were willing to take the risk, put in the effort, and try something new, but you might actually find that position extremely stressful. Politicians, for example, can do no right. They are judged constantly, they have a lot of enemies...and they usually don't care. I would advise someone with AS who wants to make a meaningful contribution to the world to do it in a way more agreeable with their actual needs. For example, Alex made this website.

Most people who are influential are actually only influential in a small niche, and many very influential people, you have likely never heard of.

I definitely can relate to that one. I was always advanced academically, so I still feel the sting of not being the doctor/lawyer/etc that was always expected of me. The social connections are harder though, because I see people just befriend each other effortlessly, every day.

That's a keeper, actually. It's also worth noting that you'll get a headache in measuring life by what you haven't got. That and, in this particular regard, you're no different from NTs (which, besides, is a terribly problematic construct at the best of times)--most people, in general, don't end up where they'd planned to be.

I've never wished for too much, I've always dreamed of having average social skills and being able to mix better and being on other children's wavelength through school. I hated being the lonely kid.

Social skills can be learned. Sure, there is a lot of instinct involved, but reason can admirably fill in for instinct.

I just wish there were more programs out there for teaching people, both Aspie and NT.

I agree, but there are limits. When a person is young, they can learn real fast, and the outcome is generally more favorable in the real world. Once you get to a certain age (such as me - 30s), it's much harder to learn these skills and the outcome is far worse.

I've read other posts on this site of individuals far more clever than I who put in lots of effort to learn social skills just to end up getting shut out in groups (again), others thinking what's wrong with him/her, and more of the same social difficulties that they were experiencing in the past.

I personally think that society needs more tolerance towards Aspies/Auties, not more asking to do the difficult or impossible. No one asks a person in a wheelchair to get up and walk.

I couldn't agree more with your post and your signature!