I need advice- Inlaws and their toddler staying in my house

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FuzzyElephants
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18 Mar 2013, 5:02 pm

My sister-in-law and her husband recently moved here from out of state. They have a two year old daughter. They were staying with other family in the area however, that didn't work out. Currently they're staying with my husband and I until the 1st (they have signed a lease for their own place but it's not going to be ready until next month).

Before they arrived I rearranged my house (to be more efficient for the current situation). I made every reasonable effort to arrange things so that I could still do the things I enjoy and to protect my possessions from the destructive hands of a curious toddler... Including cleaning out my office so that the toddler could use it as a bedroom (and keep her toys from being strewn through out the rest of my house). However there are only so many places I can hide things and with two more adults in my home the areas that I set up for myself were quickly taken over by other people's things.

I realized before hand that this would be difficult and I am trying to make the best of it however... I'm exasperated. No matter how politely I try, I can not seem to get across to anyone else that I like my house to be clean, I like my stuff to be left alone, and I like for the stuff that is in my house (even if it isn't mine) to be as neat and organized as is physically possible. I realize that two year olds are inherently difficult to deal with at times and that they tend to be messy and noisy. Rather than watch my house get destroyed and be surrounded by noise I've simply been retreating to my room and taking care of the mess around the rest of the house when everyone else is out or asleep. It does aggravate me though because in my mind if people just dealt with messes as they were made then it wouldn't be an issue. I'm starting to feel like a prisoner in my own house. While everyone else is up and awake the noise and the chaos is too much at times. I'm going a bit stir crazy here and I'd rather not snap at anyone but something has to give.

I'm just at a loss. Any advice would be greatly appreciated (short of kicking them out, they're here because they had nowhere else to go).



redrobin62
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18 Mar 2013, 5:15 pm

There was a time when my roommate's family (his mother and two young kids) had no place to go so they camped out here. Oy! It was like Ringling Brothers here! They went through toilet paper like candy. They argued and screamed like congressman. They created so much garbage the kitchen looked like a landfill. I didn't even know one of the kids was using the space behind the back of the couch for a garbage can! One of the kids tore down the blinds and the mother pooped the inflatable bed I'd laid out for her. Their bedroom was also turned into a landfill, by the way.

@Fuzzy Elephants, you would've had a stroke if this was your house! I know I nearly did. They argued so much that, yes, the police were called on a few occasions. The mother would get upset and run downstairs to seek solace from neighbors. One night she grabbed both kids and left. Just left. It was around 10 or 11 at night. We had to go looking for them. It was raining, too. The mother said she wasn't coming back. I said, "well, at least let the kids come back because it makes no sense they should be walking around Seattle in the middle of a rainy night."

It's no wonder I appreciate my solitude now. If you went to your in-laws and told then your feelings they might say, "Huh. Who does she think she is, the hussy!" I don't know if it's one of those battles you can win. On the plus said you only have to grin and bear it for 2 more weeks. That's when libraries and the movie theaters come in handy. Good luck.



FuzzyElephants
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18 Mar 2013, 5:46 pm

Redrobin62: Thank you for the reply! They were here back in December for Christmas and it was similar to what you described (hence all the preparation and rearranging this time around). Behavior wise things are better now than they were in December (mostly from me laying down the law this time around) so sadly I don't know that I can expect any more improvements... I suppose it doesn't hurt to try though.

I totally understand the toilet paper issue... and finances have become a strain having 3 more mouths to feed... so sadly the movie theater probably isn't going to be a viable temporary escape route...

But the library! Why did I not think of that sooner! It's close by, it's free, and best of all it's quiet!



kate123A
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18 Mar 2013, 6:11 pm

it's only a few weeks and the library is such a good option.

I suggest you make a list of five rules.
1. Trash out everyday and in appropriate receptacles
2. clean up time before meals and bed
3. no eating out of the kitchen/dining room
4. clothes folded/put away after washed
5 bed made every day

Whatever mess you makes that you may clean.

As for toilet paper suggest to the two adults that they buy one 4 pack a week to contribute.



Jensen
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14 Apr 2013, 6:22 am

Otherwise, play "Super Nanny". Tell them gently, that being so many people in one house, and having been used to each your style of living, you need to aggree on a few things, - for everyones sake. It is probably stressful for the guests too, not having their own place.
Suggest a house meeting. Bake a cake and find a small object to pass. The one who holds the object, has the word.
Then find 3 points to aggree on, and make the rules together, to suit everybody. Write it down and hang it on the wall for all to see. Then eat the cake together and aggree on something nice to do afterwards.
That should ensure the good atmosphere and maybe bring a little peace the last two weeks :wink:


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