Feeling bitter sweet after making a tough choice

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I had my birthday yesterday and got several nice things from my friends and family.

One of them was a card from my dad with a written check in it that came this afternoon. I had mentioned in another post that I did not feel comfortable calling him due to the situation being tense and toxic. I felt like he wanted something in either money or sympathy while never really seeming interested otherwise. In fact, not once has he even bothered to call me on his own in the last two years unless it was convenient.

In the card, he wrote, "Happy Birthday, please call home. Love Dad" While I appreciated the card, I had mentioned in the last post about putting my foot down with my that my Dad and sister.

He had gotten laid off 6 months ago and I knew about it over the summer while on a visit with my aunt. Yet, my dad never seemed to ask for me to call him them. He had also had some major health problems last year and did not even bother to have me call for him then either. This left me to figure that if it was not important then, why is it so important now?

So, I decided to write him a physical letter and send via snail mail and tell him why it was not a good idea to speak with him since we seemed to bring the worst out in each other in the past. I also mentioned that I felt like he seemed to make fun of me for being different all the time openly in the past for many years ,and while I had forgiven him, it is something I can't ever forget since he was not likely to change. I then mentioned that I could not change him either. Finally, chose to send him the check back as I knew he needed the money right now than I did even though I would have loved the money.

While it may feel like a cold shoulder to them, I just did not feel right about cashing the check. At the same time, I decided to keep the card instead as a card can last forever and it was so pretty.

Have anyone of you ever been in the same boat?

Yes, I think I mentioned in your other thread that at some point they were in such bad shape that I went back and devoted myself to care for them till they died.

In my situation, my parents are young enough to care for themselves yet. I also have two siblings who will probably take care of them when they get older.

A couple years after I left, my parents got extremely sick and my siblings (extremely surprisingly to me, as a clueless aspie) abandoned them for good.

I came back out of pity, not love. Still today I remember them with great love and great hatred, alternatively.

That is pretty bad. My sister is pretty close to my dad

I think you did the right thing - but im betting alot of NTs would say you should have called him.

I think you should do what makes you feel comfortable tbh.

Thanks for the tips.

Anyway, the reason I did not contact them was because it just did not seem real. It seemed like they just wanted something and then they were using my sister to get me to contact them and I was not up for that. I ended up getting the drift of what was going on and ended up blocking my sister and telling her "No." I also tried to explain the circumstances and she just did not seem to hear me. She got mad and accused me of being bitter and that I am victimizing myself and being too judgemental.

I wrote to her back and said that it was not true and that she seemed to enjoy bossing me around because she thought because she likes to act superior to other people she she feels are beneath her while also hinting that she seemed to act like she was better then everyone else. I then said, "I did not mean for you to think I am victimizing myself and that she needed to mind her own business."