no human touch ....

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....I believe builds up a pernicious charge, an increase in pain. The isolation I feel is profound, these last few weeks its hit hit me hard. I've a dog that won't walk, we returned from an afternoons drive out with an hours walk thrown in and its plain his legs are no good ... all at age 7.

I have pain too, self diag fibromyalgia, the symptoms tick all the boxes, age 55.

I had a delightful, intense (tho sometimes) odd penpal relationship and now at what seems the end of it with ongoing silence i wish I'd never met her.

I am hurting as my dog hurts but now my world seems so empty, what was tolerable is now eating into me. We put a brave face on but its an act certainly.

point is, the penpal is gone and I'm scouting online how to cope with isolation ... theres zero human contact here of any value and that includes my wife of 35 years ... and here in print below someone says as I do ... the benefit of being touched. occasionally ask my wife to hold my wrist (or hand) to lower the pain but she is as good as useless. A simple fckng task and she fcks it up ! !!

I quote ...

But more important, social contact can have profound physiological effects. Simply holding a loved one’s hand lowers blood pressure and reduces pain, for example. Studies show that lack of affectionate physical contact is associated with higher levels of stress hormones and inflammation. “Social contact itself also may have specific biological consequences that are important for health maintenance,” the authors write.

Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2013/03/26/s ... z2V5EzOiH7


end of quote.

As can be imagined or not imagined, British Bank Holidays take on a dimension unbelievable to the ordinary, the normal. Xmas, New Yr etc .....

I feel for you. I sometimes get a feeling much like you describe, it has been almost ten years since I had an intimate relationship with someone other than myself.

I do have friends and family, and though I live alone I have a few cats, my 'fur-babies', and I have a fairly good life even without someone 'special'. So when I get that feeling of isolation and emotional anguish, the one where even breething is painful and the world seems too distant to reach me, I bury my nose in a warm fur-ball and just focus on the love I have.

And I am too lazy to look it up right now, but there are studies that show that having pets, loving and being loved by a dog or a cat (I don't know about other species), have positive effects, both psychological and physical.

I guess what I wanted to say is, hang in there, and try to hold on to the good moments, the good things.

yes..... the dog is useful, but he shows all the signs of an alpha and autist, i'm aspi (self diag) and therefore crave a 'friend' so to speak, I am not cold ... he is antagonostic, constantly re-assessing hierachy, a real pack mentality and now as he is 7 we are getting the downside of his own failing abilities. Mostly he cannot stand to be touched, endless repetitive behaviour, hierachy based on food and stealing things, the tension and anger in this house due to him has been horrendous at times.

With the dog seizing up, and I can tell its equally a psychological thing with him it looks like its back towalking alone and i am not keen on that, with my dog I can walk anywhere and it will be fun, any weather.

I think in life I have always been 'interest' driven and I've always known when I lose those interests i will be 'snookered'. Less able to get thro books, to remember, and web addiction does not help, maybe even thats what is at the back of it. I have deliberately never gone 'that deep' into subjects (tho quite deep for the layman) as it wld only isolate me further ie never more than six or ten books deep so to speak on anything.

An aging aunt at 96 with a few problems seems to have accellerated my own sense of losing memory and function and isolation; I am too much the passive bystander. All through life I've noticed that everyone seems so self-contained and even tho I am okay looking and well mannered etc have never wanted me..... and very very occasionally if they've shown a sign of wanting to connect I reject them.

strangelyits in my own garden wehre I feel most isolated, I am often in the countryside, I openly admit and acknowledge its my social life, no humans, merely the landscape, the noise and smells of nature and changing weather. I'm clever too, I've discovered things, have gained new insights. My ideal life is to be out everyday and probably to die whilst i'm still capapble or soon after, housebound does not appeal.

I've found myself 'gushing' recently, always been prone to it and the analogy is like being caught up in a huge spiders web, my arms are flailing and wanting to get out of this entanglement, I never get anything back from this information transfer, yet i still find myself doing it.

I crave intelligent company, I'm now reaching the stage where the radio (BBC r3 and 4) is my only friend ! !! ! .. for f sake ..... in its way its a valuable lifeline.

More recognition for what I do wld help me, but in England its partly a class thing, always has been, in addition the 'professionals' hate a self taught layman appearing with new insights. All my past means of human contact has gone, money gardening after seven years due to pain, work for local firms and the respect it created, my local fruit and veg bloke that was always good conversation, my penpal. So i wander around and theres no-one I can exchange words with. A small lifeline is learning a foreign language, transitory chums the other side of the world pop in and out.

Thats the background, what is crippling are these new 'developed' sensations I had no idea would overwhelm me. I hate change and seing my Aunt is affecting me. She has always been there, the phobia of the vilage where she (and I once) lived has sort of lifted butthe sooner she's gone the better, she weeps that she is still here.

Increasingly I am unable to get things done, bewildered, cutting off from tasks, as all thro my life thinking of deadlines missed, projects unfinished rather than what has been achieved and completed. Childhood / school was hell so never had kids based on that experience, i never knew anyone that did have kids anyway, so how would it 'feel natural' ? I think my brain is at times my own worst enemy. Yet I think its those around me that are base and ignorant to the extreme, for instance at 22 years being here the gardens front and back from year one were excellent, but very seldom have I heard it froma nyone and certainly not from immediate neighbours. A compliment from a passing stranger illustrates their relative levels of generosity, open-ness.