seeking a diagnosis didn't go so well

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i met with a psychologist today to discuss the possibility that i have asperger's. the first appointment was basically an introduction into my life; but when he asked what my goals were regarding my appts with him, i said i wanted to discuss the possibility that i have aspergers. he flat out said, i don't see autism here at all, and he looked down at the notes he had taken about my life. twenty minutes of discussion about my family, education, work, relationships, and hobbies, and he already concluded aspergers was not a potential explanation. i immediately felt like i had been dismissed. all of the struggles that i have each and every single day of my life squashed. i felt defensive but defeated.

i tried to explain how much work it takes me to get through simple social interactions that should not only be easy for me, but that also should be things that i enjoy. instead most social situations are torture, because being around people makes me anxious and i can never seem to get it right. even when things seem to be going well, something always goes wrong. i talked too much and people saw me as rude/annoying. i didn't interact enough and people thought i was stuck up. i spent all of my time listening and focusing on the right thing to say and do, and then after an hour or so, i was beyond exhausted and immediately wanted to leave; but then i'm rude for leaving early or i end up staying until it's acceptable to leave and i fail at maintaining my facade and again judged negatively. or to ease my social anxiety and apprehension about the entire situation, i ended up drinking too much and then judged harshly for that. and with these kinds of social issues, it's nearly impossible to connect with people to the point where they are understanding about my difficulties.

i tried to tell him i've never felt like i fit in anywhere, but i recently found an online community of people who either have autism/aspergers or suspect they do. i tried to say i can relate to their posts and it seems they can relate to mine. and he made some comment that anyone can go online and read and post this stuff, so it doesn't mean anything. i tried to say aspergers seems to combine together the different aspects of my weirdness into one category and it is also not the answer that i wanted. i wanted to become normal through college education, through studying people and practicing social exchanges. i spent my life believing i could force myself to fit in and to get good at things that are supposed to develop naturally and without much work at all. but it got to a point where i could not continue to deny that i struggle with almost every form of social interaction and these are things i can't change all that much.

can anyone tell me what they think? please tell me honestly if stuff that i'm describing here does not sound like aspergers. i'm looking for answers really, and i would appreciate anyone's feedback on what's going on with me. and i thank you in advance. ; )

Did the psychologist have any suggestions as to what he thought might be a better explanation than aspergers?

I don't have a diagnosis, and I'm not seeking one, but I mentioned Asperger's to a psychologist I saw once, and got pretty much the same thing. What I realized after talking to her was that she didn't know that much about it (even though she claimed to work with people, mainly young people, with Asperger's, and when I asked straight out didn't deny that she knew how to diagnose it). What I learned later was that there are specialists in evaluating people for HFA and AS, and she wasn't one of them. Ka-ching! I felt I was cheated in a way, even though that's not the primary reason I went to see her - it was an important part of my reasons.

There seems, from other accounts I've read, and after a search of my region for people who do evaluations, to be a dearth of experts who can properly diagnose AS.

My guess is that this person you saw isn't an expert in it, knew he couldn't evaluate you, so would rather your problems be something else so you'll have a reason to keep seeing him.

I might be jaded in this. I like to think that those in the healing professions really want to help, but it is also a business.

I can't advise you on how to go about getting evaluated. I gave up after that, since diagnosis isn't that important to me, and I can't afford to keep trying. Maybe others here who know your geographical area can help with that. But I can certainly sympathize with what happened, and I would say, keep moving forward if you really want to get to the bottom of whether you have AS or not.

Actually, he supposedly has a lot experience working with adults who have aspergers or high functioning autism. I chose him for that reason and because he takes my insurance. I spent most of today debating why I want a diagnosis and if it's worth my hard earned money to pay $20 an appointment and my emotional health to put myself in these stressful situations. I know what my strengths and weaknesses are. But getting that professional validation from a practicing clinician gives me a nameable reason for my problems. So when I try to back out of office birthday celebrations, I have an understandable reason for doing that. I don't eat cake, and they want to know why. If I explain that, sometimes they understand that part. In addition, I can't deal with the social aspects of the situation, and I find working full time puts me far beyond my limits of social interaction and these added on stressors push me into a panic. other people just can't understand what is wrong with me.

He did not have any thoughts on what is behind my struggles, which I think is realistic. I could not believe he made any judgements on any possible diagnosis after about 20 minutes of discussion. He hardly knew anything about me and he discounted my thoughts on myself when 1) i'm the expert on me, 2) i told him i have a master's degree in psychology. Obviously, my thoughts on this are well informed. And if I'm wrong on this, well then I'm wrong. But to dismiss my thoughts before getting to know me at all was very unprofressional but unfortunately seemingly also par for the course with people in this field. Another disappointing experience.....

Ditch him. Some doctors just don’t want to believe.
I had one neurologist who flatly stated that it was a “garbage pail diagnosis.”
Most people don’t like it when you try to educate them or enlighten them, especially professionals who want to believe they already know everything.

Unless you are disabled enough to need a formal diagnosis for some specific service or disability, give it up. There is no treatment or cure. There’s no benefit to a diagnosis and plenty of negatives. No one knows or wants to know what it means. And I wouldn’t be surprised if a kind of “Mutant Registration Act” were around the corner. You’re probably better off without it.

A self-diagnosis is all I really need. I’m the only one in here anyway, and the only one who can really be sure. I now tell myself that “I identify with Autustic culture” and usually don’t bother telling anyone else. No one knows what it means, so there’s nothing to gain and everything to lose.

In the privacy of my own mind, in forums like this, and in local, in-person support groups, I’m an Aspie. It’s a good model that helps me to put everything together and make sense of this crazy planet.

To most of the rest of the world, I’m just that quirky old lady, with no attempt at an explanation. The more I try to explain, the worse things get.

Hi, I'd look into sensory issues and stimming, maybe even start a couple of dialogues here at WrongPlanet. My sensory issues and stimming are subtle but significant, and my stimming is largely a positive. For example, when writing an intellectual project, I might bounce between my desk and the bathroom talking to myself in the mirror. I might also squeeze or twist a soft T-shirt as I imagine sports or action scenes in movies and make quiet fighting sounds. Yes, this is embarrassing. But it's largely harmless, and in fact I think largely positive, simply a private activity. So-called 'normal' people stim, too (and no such thing as 'normal' anyway and how boring if there were! ), but somehow the way the majority stims is deemed more socially acceptable.

My sensory issues are mainly clothes which are too constrictive and strong chemical smells.

I think there are four characteristics to Asperger's-Autism Spectrum.

1) intense intellectual interests,

2) social awkwardness, even though you may very much want connection and communication,

3) stimming, and

4) sensory issues.
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5) meltdowns (I might add this one, although I have not looked into it and considered it as much. Sometimes I'll remember past shabby or dismissive treatment, get a flash of anger where I'm more seeing internally than seeing my current environment, and rapidly rub the back of my head. I'm open to the idea that these might be relatively minor meltdowns.)

when my nephew was diagnosed, i was 55. i read about him and found myself described. people have always found me odd, and i'm content to let that go on.

please don't assume that things will not get better. i learned small talk after age 50. i learned lots of stuff through the school of hard knocks. i kept trying to make friends, and over the years, i've lost many, but managed to keep a solid few, enough to make life pleasant. i married for the first time at 52. it's going well. we may have to put more effort into out social lives than folks who don't have an ASD, but we can have good lives if we don't give up.

I have a 2 hour appointment next Wednesday morning to be evaluated by a neuropsychologist. When I called to make the appointment, at the urging of my sisters, I asked for an appointment with a specific doctor in the office but when the receptionist asked what it was regarding and I told her, she said I needed to see a different doctor. According to what I've read online, a neuropsychologist is preferable to a regular psychologist for diagnosing Aspergers as they don't rely strictly on discussion but utilize various tests in addition to discussion. It'll cost about $700 and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it. I really don't want to spend the money to be dismissed as easily as it seems some of you were.

First real post,

Diagnosis seems to be a disaster at times, especially here in Ireland where you can be treated like a leper for a disorder, my diagnosis history is a laugh,
Age 7 - ADD - Diagnosed by Children specialist - Medicated and treated for this
Age 9 - Clinical Depression - Diagnosed by School recommended Specialist - Medication and treatment changed
Age 14 - ADHD with OCD - Diagnosed by Specialist after aggressive school incident - Medication and treatment changed
Age 17 - MDD Clinical Depression - Diagnosed by State appointed specialist after serious experience - Medication and Treatment changed
Age 23 - Asperger's Syndrome - Diagnosed by private Specialist after thorough examination, specialist was shocked it was not picked up aged 7 having read the prognosis, detailed to me and my family how in my case it is exceptionally obvious - No medication, directed an improved diet and an attempt to sleep more than 4 hours per night, treatment has changed and has gotten some minor results

In the time it took to get the diagnosis correct I have had some pretty brutal experiences, from being treated as an unruly child in school to being suspended on numerous occasions to long depressive episodes and over medication.

It is really important to have the correct diagnosis and it can be so easily missed, also, not knowing what it is like worldwide but in Ireland the standard of help is very poor, most specialists seem to not really have an interest in improving the persons well being or quality of life, its just "asses, medicate, next"

This thread makes me wonder if I should give up the idea of getting a formal diagnosis.

I have seen some posts here on WP that said it took more than one doctor/psychologist to get a diagnosis because different doctors/psychologists have very different opinions, especially in this field. So, just because one psychologist said one thing, you shouldn't necessarily have to accept it. Professionals could be very stubborn when it comes to their professional opinions. Especially, if you (a patient) has an opinion, a professional could be even more insistent that you are wrong. Reaching a conclusion after only 20 minutes' evaluation indicates that he is not really thinking that much. I wouldn't trust him. Although it will cost even more, I would go and see a different psychologist/doctor if I really want a diagnosis.

I have had one quite incompetent psychologist before (not about AS), who sometimes just dismissed what I said as if I was just being a paranoid, when I knew what I was saying was realistic. It was very frustrating. In the end, I didn't feel she helped me at all.

I was also wondering about the pros and cons of getting a formal diagnosis. It might protect you in some ways, but it might also work negatively against you, such as causing implicit discrimination etc. I can relate to you about wanting to have a namable reason for some difficulties, but I wonder if it's ok to have a formal diagnosis and keep it to yourself completely until it's absolutely necessary.