How frequently to call her? (Dating Question)

Post Reply New Topic

Hello, everybody

I am writing from Toronto, ON, Canada. I am 41 y.o. male.

I am new on this forum. By and large I have learned most of the social intricacies of everyday life but I must admit that dating is
still (to some extent) uncharted territory for me. I would appreciate if anyone could answer my questions:

I am going for a date one of these days. Should the date go well I will be happy to continue to develop this relationship.

However my parents are currently visiting me from overseas and I am trying to spend with them as much time as possible. Also they are old people and need my continuous help. They are flying back home in a couple of weeks. Respectively, I might not be available for dating while I am with them.

1) Would it be OK to tell the girl that I might not be available for dates till they fly back home? Will she understand?

and last but not least:

2) I understand if a man and a woman are in the relationship, they call each other every day aside from some really outstanding
circumstances. If I am not going to see this girl for a couple of weeks how often should I call her to 'keep the fire burning'?

Kind of in my mind if we saw each other for one time, we might not have what to talk about...

Or despite that I should call her daily?

Thank you in advance for your responses

Hi ya and Welcome.

Nobody knows the answer to that question. Except in hindsight.

Best choice would be to put off dating until your family has come and gone. If that is not an option, then just call the girl the day after the date to tell her that you enjoyed the outing--if you did like it. Then don't call again for a few days--maybe 3. If you've just met someone for the first time, then it is inappropriate to call them constantly, as you don't really know them yet. Calling them too often at that stage is pushy and creepy. If you do hit it off with the girl during that first date, then do let her know that for the next two weeks you will be busy with a family visit, but after that you will be available for more dates.

Don't see a problem with telling her exactly what you told us.

It sounds as though you havn't yet dated.

If/when you find a girlfriend, and you're parents are visiting, I would say ring her every day.

i vote for every day, or maybe every other day, but i would find some way to check it with her and see how she reacts. you could just ask; "i am thinking about calling you every day, would you like that?" that way you are being honest without seeming insecure, but you have to be fine with her answer. if she really likes you, she'll probably be flattered and pleased, it will seem romantic. if she's pleased, she'll let you know with smiles, eye contact, touching, etc. if she's not all excited, it might come across as stalkerish. if she seems at all reserved about it, back it up a little bit, tell her not to worry about it, but make it clear you want to stay in touch, and try calling every other day or every three days.

when you call, see how it goes, if she seems consistently distant, you may want to reduce the frequency.

bottom line is, i will only date people who can handle straightforward conversation and be straight back, so it's a good litmus test to ask IMO. but that's just me.

No two women are the same, so I advise taking the guess work out of it and being honest then asking her preference. That lets her know you respect her and want to include her in the decision. Making the decision without her could come across as infantilising her and some women really hate that, even though a few simply think of it as assertive.

Explain about your parents (just like you did here) and ask when she is free for you to call her next. At the end of that call ask her when she'd like you to call next, or let her know when you're home over the next few days so she can choose to contact you. If she wants to catch up in person during those few weeks you're specifically talking about and you're worried about leaving your parents then perhaps suggest something short like coffee. Some days she might want to hear from you and other days she might be busy herself. You have your parents, maybe she has commitments too! Opi was definitely on the right track, though I would refrain from using her phrase "i am thinking about calling you every day, would you like that?" specifically, as many women would feel they had to agree to that so as not to hurt you by saying; no, they wouldn't like it.

Not everyone calls everyday once they are adults. Teenage relationships or very well established adult relationships are more likely to function that way. It's not really a new adult relationship type of behaviour.

Personally, I find it really annoying and clingy that my girlfriend texts me incessantly and expects to dominate my attention every single day. I'm not the type of woman to want constant contact. Other than her need for attention and reassurance, we work very well together. It's all about communicating our needs.

if it's just a casual relationship (at that point), I vote for texting or emailing every few days. I'm not a big one for phone conversations anyway, I find them very intrusive.