Blind Anger

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I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Type 1 and have parts of my personality on the spectrum as well.

Does anyone deal with blind anger?

There comes a point where I am so angry everything shuts off and I do just about anything without remembering what I have done. I completely have a blank out, even though maybe at that current point I am doing something ridiculous stupid. Like one time in the lunch room cafeteria there was a kid in middle school teasing and being rude to me. Bullying and shoving me around in line.

I don't remember what happened. Just something triggered my anger. The next thing I kind of remember is being in the principal's office talking about hitting a kid with a lunch tray. Pretty sure prick deserved it.

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I hate my brain it whizzes with so many f*****g ideas. And it never shuts up. I have this like "itch" in the back of my head that drives me off the hat. And sometimes I am angry and I do not know why. I just get angry.

I feel like sometimes my own brain denies me full control of my body and thoughts.

Anyone else?

Yes. Happens much less often now that I'm on medicine. Also I'm suspected of having bipolar type 2 but this has not been confirmed by diagnosis.

Used to happen too much. Just like you describe but usually for briefer periods of blanked-outness. And almost never in public.

I got a bit of a quick temper. I'm always kind of jittery and spacey. And when say jittery I mean impatient and frustrated. Then someone's gotta do something to send me into rage.

When I get really angry, I start losing my vision, in little flashes. That's how I know that I'm getting ready to lose it. I can easily go from sitting minding my own business, to destroying anything and everything, within seconds. But I generally remember most of what happens, I just physically lose my sight.

I always just called my Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Syndrome. Not that I feel my anger is a different person or that there are two me's. Just to other people it may seem that way when I just flip the fudge out.

I'm not sure if I lose sight or lose my memory when I get angry to the point where I just am no longer in control.

It too call my self Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
When something is very wrong and someone is being victimized I change.I usually remember the last straw, then it ends with me depressed and drained.. Depressed because I had no control and no memory of what I did.... I have never hurt anyone badly....

It has only happened a few times. thankfully. it scares me..

When something is wrong, and try to avoid the change by walking away, I have to live with not doing anything and knowing someone was victimized. Then I can't sleep for days and I drives me crazy for weeks.

Back in 2004 I was arrested, but the charge was dropped because it was a felony (against children) that made me snap.
As sick as it is, I'm glad I have it... It scare me, but so far people have thanked on 3 occasions.Only the once was I arrested. They acted shocked when I told them I had no control - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

When I was 4 and my brother was 5, we went through some very bad psychical child abuse. My mind snapped and I remember saying when I get big, it'll never happen to anyone else again.. My brother acts our drunk grandfather... I suspect this is where my mind formed this unusual disorder.

It is different than another blackout I have - this one is followed by complete amnesia. This happens after something traumatic and it is not because of any injury.

I was diagnosed autistic with high IQ and manic depressed in 1969 at age 6. Manic depressed was changed to bi-polar II mania in 2004.

Minds can snap.. I once saw a very upstanding young woman try to kill a sheriff deputy.
It was right after she herd that that officer laughed when he herd the children were killed and he did nothing to save them, leaving them in a very dangerous place..Server trauma can make people violent... So, it can happen to lots of people...

I get anger episodes ALL THE TIME. They make me pace from one place to the other, talk to myself out loud, and in some occasions, I have punched a wall. In the early 90s, I broke my hand during an anger episode.

They usually start when I remember the past. Things didn't work out the way I wanted them to. I have also allowed a lot of people to hurt me, and I never fought back.

I am addicted to coffee. It probably makes it worse. Or better, if I have ADHD, and I don't know. Who knows?