Not able to take myself seriously

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After being a mental patient, and reflecting on my tendency to never finish anything. I feel like I need to have a bomb strapped to my chest in order to be taken seriously. If I have a plan everyone knows I won't follow through, I even know it, so why even make plans?

I have noticed there's little will to do much of anything, an inability to be taken seriously - it feels like some bizarre, maybe tragic existence. Without a sense of purpose. Do I become a comedian and make my whole life a joke? I cry thinking about it. Everybody needs to be taken seriously.

I thought it lies on a spectrum, those who are taken completely seriously have no joy, and those who cannot be taken seriously have no purpose.

I haven't considered it in these terms before, but as a result of people shooting down my moonshot aspirations and interests as a schoolkid, I began simply preparing for all the eventualities I could instead of rigidly planning out my life. This is a major source of friction with those in the wider world who would have everything set in stone before they even find out what they're doing the next day. My mom rudely chides me if I deviate from any plan, even insofar as taking alternate routes on short drives. My modus operandi tends to elicit bummer responses from her and her ilk such as "Well that's really not OK", "Why aren't your socks matched?" or "Why didn't you explain this better & sooner?". When I say I already explained myself, NTs nearly always weren't truly listening in terms of my planning methods or objectives.

Where is your frustration coming from, though? What do you do and/or say that people discount because they're not taking you seriously? Do you have plans to better yourself but people around you think it's just a joke? What gives them that impression?

Preparing for eventualities, most if not all of which of which do not come to pass, is a rabbit hole I haven't been able to get out of. I simulate eventualities, conversations I might have with people and I get lost in them, sometimes I talk to myself or laugh when I imagine something funny they would say. Focusing my mind is like holding up a 20 pound weight, I can do it for a short while but then I have to put it down and start dreaming again.

@redrobin62 My frustration comes from my notebooks, Some are filled with more than 10 pages, but then they change subject, or devolve into madness. Even when I try to commit to something, it rarely lasts more than a week. My drive to do things becomes irrelevant. The dreams I have had model 3D spaceships, start a online consignment business, learn JAVA - I programmed a program that listed the random numbers from any specified range, worked with exception of numbers divisble by 11, learn C++, didn't get far at all, learn Calculus nearly finished Calculus for Dummies, Review Algebra I got to hour 20 in Alpha Teach yourself Algebra 1 in 24 hours, Learn Projective Geometry - understand Pappus' theorem and Desargues' Theorem, and somewhat of Homogeneous coordinates., Learn Portuguese, Learn Spanish, Program Arduino, Start running every day, Read the first 4 books of A Song of Ice and Fire - finished the first 2 books.