Say Something Random: psychological Conditions Version
I think I'm experiencing some version of alexithymia.
It's different. Really different.
There's a large "disconnect" alright...
And I like it.
It's a great contrast to my usual cacophonic experience when it came to emotions and stress.
I think this is how I would rather experience emotions and internal sensations compared from before.
And google search cannot answer what I'm searching for.
And management tutorials and talks related with dealing with alexithymia is largely useless to me.
"No! I don't wanna be 'more human'. I've been there. And I utterly HATE it."
_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).
Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.
I actually feel really good. Not sure whether it's coming off the meds or if it's just me but I do feel good.
I feel more awake when I'm going about my daily life stuff
I'm talking to people more. I'm bartering in shops. I feel like I'm pushing myself out of my comfort zones more. I'm sleeping really well and that was my main worry about stopping taking them. I think the medication might have been holding me back a bit
I just think I've been taking these pills for no other reason than the fact that I was just used to taking them. I always knew I didn't have depression but I can't remember who diagnosed me with it it's been that long.
_________________
We have existence
If I still have my "usual emotionality" today, I'd be bouncing off impatiently like a damn pinball.
For most of my life, that's how I "live". Like a damn pinball -- and each bumpers are like a damn bumpers. Some knows how to exploit it and I really, really hate to live this way.
I don't know! If I have my "usual emotionality" I'd be scratching my head in every mistake, in every minute of loading, in every time little things upset me would want me to just give up -- and I've been fighting that my whole life.
Instead, I feel like the smallest of things that I want to do while 'sensing' those unwanted emotions, and being able to ignore those unwanted emotions makes me feel like I'm WINNING at every turn.
_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).
Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.
It's a huge contrast and change of a reaction from a daily dosage of generic hormonal birth control pills that can easily be brought over the counter.
A change I'm still trying to learn how to live with.
Even my thoughts are changing; my head is no longer automatically thinking of fanfiction theories of whatever media I consumed.
I barely end up doing maladaptive daydreams now, after years of struggling to get rid of it.
My reaction to stress and emotions became different, too.
I'm more aware of the amount of feelings and stress I'm going through the whole time; yet also more tolerant of it at the same time.
I don't know what else changed in me.
Many of the accounts I've heard when taking BCs were cases of worsening mental illness (or gaining one) and wide range of side effects; all in the name of preventing fertility and recreational sex.
In truth, many of them do not have 'idiopathic' hormonal imbalance, their hormonal imbalance is coming from taking those pills.
And a very few positive ones; usually from cases with hormonal imbalance and severe medical conditions. But even they need luck and years of prescription to get theirs right.
I'm not sure if mine is somewhat enough yet -- I've yet to learn if this can skip my period, or if it changes my diet, or how much it affects my cognition...
Or if there's another brand that also grant me way lesser gut issues.
The lack of mood swings is just a major one for me, and the point of why I'm taking it to begin with.
At the moment; I'm trying to figure if I can control my sleep schedule with this change...
Oh, and my reaction to caffeine changed with it, too. It no longer makes me feel sleepier anymore.
I don't have the random bouts of sleepiness anymore due to ovulation either (which was fricking embarrassing to deal with especialuly back at work).
If I were not taking BCs now and with the way I'm feeling right now, I'd probably end up asleep for 24 hrs and will struggle to leave the bed right after.
... I wonder if that were true if I stop taking these pills.
And how long would it take, and if it's possible that I stop having the ability to sense my body and it's subtle signs...? I mean at the moment; I know my body is very stressed; and I can just flat out ignore it like how I usually like to.
But I also know it's unwise to not accomodate it.
Yet experience told me that accommodating it will be painful. Ignoring it is an uphill battle.
But it's no longer painful to and it's no longer an uphill battle to choose to ignore it...
When I did, my sleep time shifted to unwanted 12 hr long sleep. And 12 hr long sleeps are usually painful for me. But it no longer does. I had to figure how to shorten my sleep; and it I need to eat more or it's just my damn sinuses interfering as usual, or if this is something entirely new...
See what I need to relearn?
_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).
Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.
If caffeine helps me stay up and not let me sleep instead of giving me some form of skipped bedtime instant version of sleep deprivation symptoms...
... Does this also mean melatonin could actually help me fall asleep instead of giving me sleep deprivation symptoms?
So much stuff to try...
I'm gonna write and make a list. And just continue the series of posts as usual.
There's metabolizing stuff to do with sleepiness and wakefulness...
How about my blood pressure? It's somehow a bit high. My body isn't exactly very accustomed to it.
And I spent more time attempting to rise it by taking plenty of iodized salt; does this mean I had to ease a bit from salty food?
Not to mention my body temperature... Usually it's colder than the room temperature, especially when there's an AC or a fan on. Now, that's not the case.
Doesn't feel like hot flashes. But then it sort of makes sense; since BCs tricks the body that it's pregnant...
That -- and it's more than certain that my long time cold intolerance is definitely not a mere autistic sensory issue.
This also means now that I'm no longer also dealing with cold intolerance; I'm not accustomed to accommodating myself into cooling down except in extreme weathers.
Consuming cold stuff still hurts. While it no longer hurts my throat, my teeth, my head, my chest, and my back...
It still affects my gut and most of my abdomen. Gotta figure this one out.
_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).
Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.
It's a huge contrast and change of a reaction from a daily dosage of generic hormonal birth control pills that can easily be brought over the counter.
A change I'm still trying to learn how to live with.
Even my thoughts are changing; my head is no longer automatically thinking of fanfiction theories of whatever media I consumed.
I barely end up doing maladaptive daydreams now, after years of struggling to get rid of it.
My reaction to stress and emotions became different, too.
I'm more aware of the amount of feelings and stress I'm going through the whole time; yet also more tolerant of it at the same time.
I don't know what else changed in me.
Many of the accounts I've heard when taking BCs were cases of worsening mental illness (or gaining one) and wide range of side effects; all in the name of preventing fertility and recreational sex.
In truth, many of them do not have 'idiopathic' hormonal imbalance, their hormonal imbalance is coming from taking those pills.
And a very few positive ones; usually from cases with hormonal imbalance and severe medical conditions. But even they need luck and years of prescription to get theirs right.
I'm not sure if mine is somewhat enough yet -- I've yet to learn if this can skip my period, or if it changes my diet, or how much it affects my cognition...
Or if there's another brand that also grant me way lesser gut issues.
The lack of mood swings is just a major one for me, and the point of why I'm taking it to begin with.
At the moment; I'm trying to figure if I can control my sleep schedule with this change...
Oh, and my reaction to caffeine changed with it, too. It no longer makes me feel sleepier anymore.
I don't have the random bouts of sleepiness anymore due to ovulation either (which was fricking embarrassing to deal with especialuly back at work).
If I were not taking BCs now and with the way I'm feeling right now, I'd probably end up asleep for 24 hrs and will struggle to leave the bed right after.
... I wonder if that were true if I stop taking these pills.
And how long would it take, and if it's possible that I stop having the ability to sense my body and it's subtle signs...? I mean at the moment; I know my body is very stressed; and I can just flat out ignore it like how I usually like to.
But I also know it's unwise to not accomodate it.
Yet experience told me that accommodating it will be painful. Ignoring it is an uphill battle.
But it's no longer painful to and it's no longer an uphill battle to choose to ignore it...
When I did, my sleep time shifted to unwanted 12 hr long sleep. And 12 hr long sleeps are usually painful for me. But it no longer does. I had to figure how to shorten my sleep; and it I need to eat more or it's just my damn sinuses interfering as usual, or if this is something entirely new...
See what I need to relearn?
Wow that's incredible. Long may it continue
_________________
We have existence
Friggin kitchen countertop has become a pharmacopia of OTC meds,bioidentical hormones , supplements of many kinds, natural anti imflammitories ...Tinctures,Nootropics..Boiled Lindseed oil ,Omega 3,s , coconut oils ,Best Olive Oil,even macadamia nut oil .All have their places , and some are great in Cooking. And then trying to fit that stuff in your budget . .
Trying to keep track of healthy cooking , all seems overwelming even. But , if you wanna make aging easier , those things and a some stretching exercises, goes along ways.
And hope that if you Purify your sleep environment..maybe make some kinda difference.
_________________
Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,
I've had a lot of things to think about in this last few weeks I have. It's been really difficult sometimes as well and sometimes my head has felt like it's gonna pop with it all and I'm probably still going through it all but it's getting easier with each passing day.
But then I'm worried that I could slip back into it all again and then my head just goes into chaos and it's so hard to focus on what is important
But anyway that's all I wanted to say
_________________
We have existence
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Why wernt conditions like autosm taken more seriously in... |
08 Mar 2024, 2:51 pm |
Upgraded to latest version of Outlook/deluge of email. |
03 Apr 2024, 1:46 pm |
Random Women |
Yesterday, 9:55 am |
Random Questions |
Yesterday, 8:56 pm |