Time to change.

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Just earlier today, I have briefly explained my gender situation to my mother. While she isn't the first to know, she's the first in my family to know. While she disagrees with something (can't remember exactly), she's willing to give me a chance here. In case you're wondering, she accepted it well, not mad or anything, but I expected this thankfully. After a brief talk, I let her work on her computer, I returned to my bedroom and nearly started crying from feeling really dumb. Then 10 minutes later, I felt great.
Anyway, hopefully I'm going to go to some doctor next week. For now, nothing much... but if I could wait years just to come out, then I could wait a week, I guess. I don't want to try and fight against this urge any longer, because it's just not going to work, and it would make me unhappy.
This feels like a blog, but whatever. After fighting against my identity issues ever since I was around 8, I have been defeated, and must change into a female as soon as possible. Trust me, I've tried, and tried to win this battle against this desire to become a girl. At this point, I also feel so much like a female, but there is still a tiny bit left of "boy" in there somewhere. I have a guilty pleasure of being called a she, and I hate it when referred to as something like a boy.

So here is the plan:
I want to start transitioning as soon as I possibly can. Of course, there's going to be a number of barriers before that happens. I need to come out to more friends, the rest of the family, and I need to not be afraid to be myself.
Unfortunately, I have the feeling that this doctor (next week hopefully) won't get me anywhere, and will most likely not get my hands any close to hormones. The surgery can wait until later, but also the sooner, the better.
Point is.... no one pretty much really knows this side of me, and while so far, it has been 100% accepted (I feel really lucky for this reason), but it feels like that as long as I don't look like a girl, I'll find it too uncomfortable to act like a girl around others. That, and I don't want it to be forever until I transition. I'm also worried about not even getting hormones in the first place! If I'm able to pass as a girl in real life within the next two years, that would make me very happy.

While it might not seem like it to some people, maybe even myself partially, I really have finally come to the conclusion that I'm transgendered. I have finally accepted this, even if that took a while. As to whether I'm bisexual or not, I'm still a bit confused there, but it's looking like I am.

In short: I'm trans, between 18-21 years of age, finished school, unemployed, and want to transition as soon as possible. Advice would be great, especially advice that would convince my family that I should become a girl.

I'm seen as a male that doesn't do much nowadays. I want to be seen as a female that.... well, still doesn't do much, but has a job, and hopefully her own place.

god be with you.

Your relationship with your doctors needs to be a cooperative one, and you need to develop trust in each other. You know that you are ready to transition, and you are ready to do it immediately. But your doctors don't know that you know that, and before they go reaching for the prescription pad to start hormone therapies, they need to do their 'due diligence.' First and foremost, you need a diagnosis of gender dysphoria from a qualified specialist (perhaps confirmed by another, depending upon where you live), and that is not going to be the result of a single meeting. Even after a specialist diagnoses your gender dysphoria, and assuming that hormone therapy is an appropriate step for you, that will have to be supervised by an endocrinologist.

If you go in with the expectation that the best result is walking out with a program ready to start, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration. From a medical perspective I would see it as irresponsible for a doctor to go in that direction. The first thing, to my mind, is to put you in contact with other trans people who are at various stages in their transitions. They can start to put the process into some perspective for you.

You are certainly correct that you need to be out as a trans person to a much broader range of people. You will need to deal with your friends and family, some of whom will not be as supportive as your mother. You need to get past those issues before you start taking more significant steps down your path to transition.

Have you tried forums or yahoo groups specifically for trans people? Or even, if you live in a medium to large size city, you might be able to find an in-person support group specifically for trans teens. You could get a sense of community, as well as some idea of what other people's experiences of transitioning have been.

Also, you might want to show your family articles about people your age and even younger than you transitioning, like this one for instance:

http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2011/1 ... story.html

Reading things like this can help them see that supporting a trans child is a healthy, loving thing for a family to do.

I hope you find all the allies and support you need to as you move towards a gender identity that feels right to you.

Hi again. I know it's been long enough since I made this topic, but here is the progress so far:
I had the doctor's appointment and she found out that I wanted to be a woman.

Just as planned, right? But, that was back in mid-February. She said she would refer me to a therapist.

It is now May 1st and I haven't heard anything since.

My patience has run out yesterday and I had an upsetting meltdown with myself.
Ever since I told my mother that I think I'm transgendered, nothing has happpened.
The big problem is that I can't get myself to like say anything. I'm just pretty much keeping it to myself.

Anyway, as I said, my patience ran out yesterday. Right now, I'm under the influence of some alcohol, so that's why it took me so long to deliver a status update. Apologies for that.

What I'm worried about is how the rest of my family will think about this, if I'll look "good" as a female, and if I'll ever get to become one in the first place. Money.... that's not the biggest of my worries, but it could sooner or later.

Anyway, while it may not seem like it in real life, this is on my mind 24/7. Yesterday, it became too much. A few hours ago, it was becoming too much again until I drank some alcohol. Right now, it definitely feels like I should live as a girl. (: ...Actually, it always feels like this, but I feel really confortable with it right now especially.

Thanks for the responses, by the way. (: I'm from Europe. I won't (or might later) state which country specifically I'm from because I go on other forums too and I sometimes worry about being identified somewhere else.

If it helps, I always felt like saying "I wish I was a girl" since forever. My earliest memory was when I was around 8, but I'm just assuming I was also like this since my gender identity was developed.

I thought that this "feeling" was something that would go away throughout growing up, but honestly, it didn't. It just feels worse than ever now.