I think I need "Act Like A Girl" lessons....

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It should be to make you happy, not anyone else.

I've always been a bit of a tomboy and hung out with lots of guys as friends and picked up a lot of traits from them, but it didn't stop me from getting dates. One thing I found was that if you take care of your appearance and look nice then guys will be surprised that you can sit there and talk cars with them or outdrink them or isn't squeamish about some things that some of the more girly girls are squeamish about. Don't ever try and "out testosterone" a guy you are trying to start dating though, at least not on something unimportant, but you don't have to swoon at his masculinity all the time either.

Wow...y'all really came through for me! Some great advice here....

This is one area where I wouldn't have a lot of problem -- I'm good at giving sincere compliments, so if I think a guy is doing something impressive I'll say so. My problem lies with being the "damsel in distress" type of girl. I never had much in the way of positive male role models, so my mother made sure I could make it without having a man around all the time. I can check my oil, change a tire, jump a dead battery, operate power tools and hook up stereo equipment. I'm not great at killing bugs, but I can if I have to. I actually have MORE issues with cleaning house, cooking and other "women's work" (heheh).

To be clear, I don't really look all that masculine. I have long -- middle of my back -- very wavy, salt/pepper hair (used to be dark brown), although I wear it in a ponytail 90% of the time because it drives me nuts hanging in my face. I have a really nice smile (naturally straight teeth!) and big boobs. But I'm big-boned (Russian/Scottish ancestry), have wide shoulders, big hands, big feet, and no hourglass figure -- waist/hip measurement almost the same. I have a low-ish voice, but I've never been mistaken for a man on the phone or anything. I'm blind as a bat, so I wear glasses -- I've tried to wear contacts with no success. I do wear some jewelry, and I like color and art, so my shirts are colorful and interesting. I'm not much for makeup or perfume. It makes me sneeze and my eyes water.



Mostly it's my attitude and personality that's more "butch". I tend to use words like "dude" and "awesome", and I have to watch my swearing. I have on a couple of occasions been asked if I was gay, but one of those was from a transgender acquaintance of mine who had never seen me with a man so assumed I must be gay. I told her that I haven't been with any men because I'm not interested in uneducated toothless crackhead criminals (that's mostly what's available here in the Piney Woods of East Texas). Members of my family thought I was gay because I never brought any men to our family reunions. In reality I was dating a married guy (don't judge) at the time, and it was better that they thought I was alone than to go through all that drama.



There are some really good points here. Here's my problem: I live in a really small town with NO place to meet people -- no nightlife and hardly no social events, besides a couple of rodeos a year and school sports events. Even if there was such a thing, I'm super-anxious in social situations and would never attend anything. The only place to meet anyone with dating potential is church (NOT for me) or work. I work in a grocery store, and have to wear a uniform every day -- red golf shirt w/ store logo and jeans. So there's no chance of wearing anything different. I do a little as far as wearing lipstick (emphasize the smile) and nice hoop earrings that flatter my face. I guess I could do a little more with my hair than just pull it back. I have noticed that I seem to look nice with shirts with a little lace on them -- not a lot, just a touch around the collar. Too bad I couldn't do something like that for work, but they're very strict on being in uniform.

There are two regular male customers at my job whom I'm interested in -- one who I am absolutely breathless over (he's a cop who's built like an Olympic god, but with a great smile and a silly sense of humor) and a more outdoorsy mustached type who owns a marina and loves to cook. If there was any way to see either one of them outside the job, I could make use of the "dress a little girlier" advice.



The other day Officer Goodbody was signing for his credit card, and just scribbled something instead of his name, and then jokingly said it was the signature he uses when he's doing "medical stuff". I wanted to say "You mean like when you play doctor?" but I chickened out. I guess I could find out what shift Officer Goodbody works and try to get a ticket?

Another problem I have is that I hate Hate HATE attention drawn to myself in a physical way! Every time I dress up -- for a wedding or job interview or whatever -- people make such a big deal about how nice I look that I want to go crawl under the house. I get embarrassed to the point of tears. However, if someone compliments me on my brains or sense of humor it doesn't bother me at all.

Now, I'm very aware that I'm putting forth a real contradiction here -- I want attention but I don't. I have had a few real boyfriends who were willing and able to break through my emotional oddness. Maybe some of this advice will sink in and I'll do something right one day.

Ah, now that's going to be the real problem, and I'm going to tweak my advice.

Start small with situations you can predict will probably go well. That way, you'll associate good memories with your experiments in girliness. If you have a good relationship with your family, tell them you're going to try primping up every so often, and you'd appreciate it if they didn't make a big deal out of it. Primp up a bit on your days off. Not because you're doing it for somebody else, but because you're going to get used to the feeling. And I don't mean go all out, just wear something flattering like the lace you enjoy, and let your hair down. The hoop earrings and lipstick are already a nice touch, and that's almost all you can do at work without looking tacky if more makeup bothers you. Mmm... what else? Keep your nails neat, polished or not. I almost never polish mine.

Tone down the "one of the guys" language when in flirt mode. It's perfectly fine for everyday use. The "playing doctor" joke might have worked if you did it teasingly enough, but it comes close to being too unprofessional to use while you're working. Good call on the holding back. You're really constrained with your social situation. Erg.

Subtle movements. One of the ways you can flirt without being cutesy is to be smooth. Sexy movements are sexy. When you want to get your flirt on, soften your hand movements. They are instruments of pleasure, not meat hooks. Do some exercises to loosen them up. http://middleeasterndance.homestead.com ... Hands.html

You already have a great smile, and guys generally love that. Use it. For an "I'm thinking of doing something naughty with you" face, tilt your head down a couple of millimeters so that your eyes appear bigger when you look up at the object of your affection. Not movie-psycho-killer looking out the top of your eyes, but a tilt that makes your eyes look more alert. Now tilt your head a few millimeters to the side so you don't look like a child. Do a slow blink that lasts not quite a second from start to finish. There ya go. It'll look weird if it's forced, so play around in the mirror and get comfortable. Helps if your elbow is on a table and that soft hand is somewhere near your face.

A funny story about that ^ look. Our cat gave my husband that look recently and he said, "If she was a woman, I would have blushed." If a cat can do it, you can too.

Lucky you. Guys have not ever, now or in the past, ever wanted to even be my "buddy".

This is all FABULOUS advice (if it works...heheh). And nothing here is TOO panic-inducing. A couple of comments --

Regarding slow movements...interesting that you point that out. When I get nervous -- in other words, whenever a man I'm attracted to is nearby -- I tend to move and speak very quickly. It doesn't help that I'm a hopeless klutz by nature (thanks ASD), so I tend to knock stuff over and stumble over things and trip over my tongue when I'm trying to impress. Slowing down might just help me in lots of ways, not just to snag a sweetie. Deep breaths.....in....out.....in.....out....

Sexy glances -- my eye contact is horrid. VERY uncomfortable with it. But the funny thing is that eye contact is what got me in trouble with Officer Goodbody to begin with. So far I had only looked at his muscles and tattoos, and just thought "Wow! Nice!". I've been trying to improve my eye contact in general, so I thought I'd take a look directly into his eyes. When I did, he gave me a big handsome smile, and I was smitten. Looking up at him shouldn't be too difficult....I'm 5'6" and he's like 6'3". It's worth a shot anyway. (The cat story is hilarious!)

My mother made one good suggestion today regarding dressing girlier around my potential beloved -- since there's not much opportunity to see him outside the store, I should fix up a bit, and then go shop at the store where I work during an off day around the time he normally comes in. It's a long shot -- he visits anywhere from 5:30 - 8:00 pm, but who knows?

One question for the fans out there -- how big a turn-off are acne scars? I was stricken with severe cystic acne when I was a teen, and it definitely left its mark on me. Do most guys see that as a deal breaker, or does it matter? People tell me it's not as noticeable as I think it is, but I think they're just being kind. It's all I can see when I look in the mirror, plus my back is scarred up as well. I know I can cover it on my face with makeup, but at some point the makeup has to come off.

If Officer Goodbody gave you a great big handsome smile, he wasn't looking at your acne scars! So, don't worry about those...

Try practicing a mischievous smile in the mirror. If you practice it enough, it will come out naturally at the right time.

I used to be this girl. But no more. I started wearing comfy dresses and I've never looked back. I also started playing rugby so maybe I felt my non-girly-girl side was more than adequately expressed. I do sometimes wear light make-up but not always. I do NOT compromise on shoes. Comfortable shoes ONLY. But look around there are some pretty ones about that are very comfortable.

I LOOK a bit girlier, have a slightly easier time of it - but on the inside I haven't changed. Turns out I love wearing dresses.

I don't live in East Texas, but I grew up in a similar culture and I have a cousin who lives there. He didn't marry a girly girl