Men asking before kissing on First Date (again this topic)

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Nights_Like_These
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26 Sep 2014, 9:31 pm

androbot01 wrote:

Nights_Like_These wrote:

People don't get assaulted while on dates?

So you do view kissing without asking as assault then?

That's actually not what I said, but I believe that would depend on the situation, and about how the person being kissed that didn't want to be feels about it.

edit: Obviously if you kiss someone without asking, and that person wanted you to kiss them, then that is not assault. When have I ever suggested that it was?

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androbot01
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26 Sep 2014, 10:02 pm

Nights_Like_These wrote:

androbot01 wrote:

Nights_Like_These wrote:

People don't get assaulted while on dates?

So you do view kissing without asking as assault then?

A lot of it is context. The whole issue is such a sticky wicket because it involves two people's sometimes differing experiences of the same event. As I said before if you kiss someone and they pull back, you have to respect that.

yellowtamarin
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26 Sep 2014, 10:04 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

How most of your female friends think?

No idea, I talk to males about this kind of thing much more than females. I'll go find some NT girlfriends and ask them. My Facebook survey didn't work last time because most of the people who responded were aspie.

Edit: I've just sent a message to seven neurotypical female friends, will see what they say.

The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Sep 2014, 1:57 am

Yuzu wrote:

^ I don't know about that. I have a feeling that a lot of men probably find it too desperate or forward if a woman asked him. And don't forget that a lot of men on here also have said that asking is the mood killer.

No, men say it will kill her mood; I don't think this affects the mood of men much.

Men follow women in dating, if the majority of women advocate asking before kiss then most men would advise other men to ask their dates before kissing.

What do your friends think?

Stargazer43
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27 Sep 2014, 8:32 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

Well, we all got our quirks. One of mine is that things external to the scenario I'm trying to focus on can affect the scenario. Like, a loud bang can distract me from focusing on my homework then it will take me a bit to get back "in the zone", someone telling me a story and adding something salient like "when I used to be a boy" is going to distract me from the story for a bit and I'll be thinking about the fact that they just revealed they have had a sex change, or having a romantic moment with someone and thinking about kissing them then having them ask permission just beforehand is going to distract me from the act of kissing that was about to occur, and I'm going to be thrown for a sec and not be in the mood for the kiss. The focus has changed from homework to loud bang, story to interesting side-note, kissing to answering a question.

In each of those situations I can return to the scenario I was focusing on, but momentarily the mood is ruined. That's the best I can explain it for me. Yes it's petty, but so are a heap of quirks that people have.

Do you have any advice for kissing without breaking the mood , or doing anything that someone may not want? I'm pretty terrible at reading body language, so I really prefer some sort of confirmation that she's receptive to a kiss, because for me the mood would be ruined by getting slapped for being overeager! How to handle a first kiss is honestly the one thing in dating that causes me more undue anxiety/fear than anything else (asking kills the mood, not asking is like a shot in the dark), so more often than not I just end up not kissing anyone. Right now my "rule" is basically to wait until a 4th date to kiss anyone, since by then I think it's a pretty fair assumption that they want one.

Yuzu
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27 Sep 2014, 9:23 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Yuzu wrote:

I don't have friends. But maybe I can ask coworkers what they think.

Ectryon
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28 Sep 2014, 4:56 am

sorry to interrupt I just need to leave this here. There's a certain Cpt. Jaqueline Harknesss who'll know precisely what it is :lol:

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The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Sep 2014, 9:25 am

Aww I am touched.

This is just glass tho.

Ectryon
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28 Sep 2014, 9:33 am

Whaaat the woman who sold it to me said that it was an authentic diamond from the mines of Moria! Who made you the expert?

Schneekugel
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29 Sep 2014, 5:36 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I have been spamming the internet with this question, trying to know what the majority of women think.

Two other users here claimed that the majority of women want to be verbally asked for kiss permission, well this is not what I am seeing so far, not at all:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16273858.aspx
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general ... ost5892688

Too bad the second thread was closed.

Where else do you think I should ask that? :lol:

If you think, that there is no need to ask each other out, before engaging physical contact with each other, then I am sure you will want to give my fist the same rights that you give your lips.

Shau
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29 Sep 2014, 6:50 am

I think, ultimately, the thread can be wrapped up with this:

If you are not confident in your ability to gauge how much a woman likes you before making the plunge, you should focus your efforts on delivering sexy ways to ask for consent.

Anyone disagree with that?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Sep 2014, 7:59 am

Schneekugel wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

If you think, that there is no need to ask each other out, before engaging physical contact with each other, then I am sure you will want to give my fist the same rights that you give your lips.

I don't think that at all; I am just inquiring what's the way of consenting the majority of women want.

smudge
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29 Sep 2014, 11:57 am

Why am I on this forum again?

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Ectryon
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29 Sep 2014, 12:46 pm

^ Welcome to Love and dating where people love to hate and berate and remonstrate

smudge
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29 Sep 2014, 12:54 pm

Indeed it is.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Sep 2014, 1:42 pm

smudge wrote:

Why am I on this forum again?

Because you're stalking me again.

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