Woman post your tips for guys about dating and relationships

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I thought this might be a helpful and interesting thread.

So woman post tips, problems, etc you have with men when it comes to dating and relationships.

One thing I have never been able to understand is how to communicate with women, or indeed be able to communicate. I've spent most of my life isolated from the rest of humanity, even from those on the autistic spectrum, and the isolation is painful beyond belief. I have never been able to get any information from anyone on why I'm just an invisible nothing to so many people or how to break through the barrier. Although I doubt that'll change for me, I hope that the replies to this thread will let me understand why.

Be yourself.
Don't just want a girlfriend for sex - take care of your own needs.
If you're nervous on a date try to not let it show.
Don't wear cologne.
Smile.

The really savvy woman will want a guy with a home hobby. She will never wonder where he is, for he is always there, doing his hobby. This is incredibly comforting to a woman, that there is little opportunity for straying, for other girlfriends. So remind them in subtle ways that you are a true blue guy (and that getting ONE girl to marry him is hard enough with out having to run around on her!)

see, an asset you never knew you had!

Merle

Wash, wear fairly clean clothes, ( preferably not nylon sports things), and listen to her with interest.

Don't grumble/complain, unless you discover that she has the same complaints as you, in which case you should get on like a house on fire.

Last edited by ouinon on 02 Jun 2008, 3:07 am, edited 2 times in total.

I have this saved as a blog entry.

It's based on my observations of what women find attractive in men - how common myths are usually twisted and simplified versions of the real story.

Here it is:

I find that most women want a man who is entertaining, above all else. The second most important thing is for the man to be successful in some way, especially a way that is important to that individual woman. Third on the list is niceness.

Being entertaining can mean being funny and charming in a conventional way, or it can mean having a sense of humor that is offensive to some people, or it can mean being alternately charming and rude in a bizarre, quirky way. I think this is the origin of the "women like jerks" myth. What is overlooked is that most women prefer a guy who is funny, spontaneous, charming, and witty without being a jerk. The catch is that many women would choose a funny, charming, successful jerk over a boring nice guy with no sense of humor. But neither would be considered ideal! The success thing gets misunderstood a lot too. Some women really do judge a guy by how much money he makes, but most women look for other forms of success. It is really attractive when a guy puts a lot of effort into something he likes and is fairly good at it, whether or not he makes any money at it. This is one reason why guys in bands get so much action, as do athletes. But it doesn't have to be something in the public eye. If you tell a girl you're a writer or an artist, that's often a turn-on. Unfortunately, this does not always apply to things that most women don't care about or understand such as computer programming or chemistry - unless you're extremely successful, at the top of your field. The good news is that knowledge is included as a form of success. A guy who is extremely knowledgeable, whether it's about one thing or many things, and wants to share this knowledge without bragging about it is attractive!

Yes, niceness is important too. And this can come in different forms. There are women who like guys who are really nice to them, and maybe their friends too, yet mean to everyone else because this makes them feel special (another source of the "women like jerks" myths). But most women like guys who are laid-back, nice, polite, and not interested in fighting (although, yes, there are some women who thrive on drama). So this is important, but its definition varies from woman to woman, just like everything else.

In my case, for example, I prefer a guy who is really nice to me and has an irreverent, quirky, sarcastic sense of humor, and is really knowledgeable about something I'm interested in. I don't like jerks and I don't care about money or physical attractiveness in the traditional sense. When I talk to other girls about guys, most of them feel the same way! Girls who are really into a certain kind of music want a boyfriend who's into the same music and is good at playing it or knowledgeable about it and is nice and is funny/charming/fun to hang out with. Long explanation, I know, but I think it's all pretty simple.

The criteria are:

1. Entertainment Value

2. Success/Talent/Knowledge

3. Kindness & Courtesy

If you can master humor, some kind of charm, some kind of ability or knowledge or success, and the ability to be nice to people, I think you'll have a good chance at finding at least one woman who is right for you.

No offense meant, but this sounds a lot like insecurity, not savviness.

Yeah, I think there's a lot of truth to this. The trouble with too many men is that they concentrate almost exclusively on 3 (the easy one). Struggle with number 2, which is obviously more difficult. And number 1 is forgotten about in striving for 2 and 3.

Funny that physical appearance hasn't been mentioned as it must surely have some influence? I suspect that we make our assessments of 1, 2 and 3 based on looks. We can't see success and entertainment value on the inside, so we make a guess based on what we can see.

The main points for me are-
Be polite and 'warm'. What I mean by warm is you have to make her feel comfortable in your presence. You have to give off the impression you are intrested in her, her job/hobbies/family whatever, rather than sex. You can let her know you are intrested in that at a later date! You really have to listen and reply too, you do not have to agree with everything she says, but you want to agree to some of it or she may become argumentative. Laugh at her jokes. If you can make a women really laugh you are in with a great chance. (unless it's because you've done something embarrassing.)

Wear clean clothes, and not too much aftershave or whatever.
The smell of B.O or too much afertershave are both discusting.

Don't be too mysterious, girls like to know some basic stuff about a guy, just to let her know you are a decent guy. Tell her about whatever hobbies you like, but do not go into too much detail. Give her the basic, then if she asks a question you can go into it a bit more. If she doesn't reply to what you are saying, she is bored and you should change the subject.

Never mention any ex girlfriends or previous dates.

[quote]If you can master humor, some kind of charm/quote]

No one can master these 2 things, these traits are genetic.

I picked up charm from watching movies, I got humor from analysing the world, fairly sarcastic one where people often laugh to. now acording to this all I need is some succes and be brave enough to talk to a girl.

Good idea for a thread... better to ask than trying uselessly to speculate about "why women do this" or "why women do that." However, not all Aspie guys will be able to benefit from the advice given so far... in fact, I haven't seen anything that would even get me past the first step.

Well, who else could I be other than "myself"? Abraham Lincoln? Jean-Paul Sartre? Attila the Hun, perhaps? Being "myself" only scares people off.


Are you serious? Before I started wearing cologne, the girls at school would tell me TO MY FACE that I "stank." Granted, that was in middle school, so there was a lot of immaturity, but still...


This could be a major reason why most relationships don't last very long. People get boring after you've known them for awhile. I don't see how it's even possible to remain entertaining in a long-term relationship unless you're a comedian or something.


I'm NOT giving up what I'm interested in just so I can have more success with the ladies. Any guy who does that doesn't deserve to be called a "man."

No offense taken, but how many times have you been married? Trust me, it is important to know what life your husband is living.

Merle

bushwa! it's called developing a sense of humor!

I heartily recommend it.

Merle

Hmm. There still might be a problem because I, for one, can't tell you what a "normal" girl would want in a guy. Mind you, most of the guys on this site seem to want exclusively autistic/aspergers girlfriends anyway.

My advice is pretty much what's already been said. Keep yourself clean, neat, and presentable - make sure you wash, brush your hair/teeth, try and wear decent clothes (doesn't mean fashionable, just neat jeans and a plain tshirt or shirt should do).

Try and talk/be entertaining, but show interest in whomever you're talking to. Ask them questions about themselves, and see if you can find a common interest that you both like/hate and can talk a lot about. I met my boyfriend by having a chat about Discworld: it lasted long enough that he made an impression, I then got his msn account, we chatted more, I went to visit him to see him again... Finding a common interest is deffinatly important.

Deffinatly be polite and don't try and push kissing and sex. Maybe a kiss at the end of the first date if you think it went well, but I wouldn't suggest more than that. Offer to pay if you're having a meal/going out somewhere. All the normal stuff.

WASH regularly (your clothes and yourself) and don't wear cologne then. This is coming from an autistic girl, but perfume and cologne make me sick and give me headaches.

That is what I'm thinking. What if his hobby involves going out?

I do agree will having a hobby but for different (opposite) reasons. I would want the in a woman too. Simply because it not humanly possible to spend every waking hour face to face, and it would drive me nuts especially. Also if we both had things that we we interested in would would understand the need to do that.