Do crushes feel different than 'love'?
I'll have to disagree with that. Love can definitely fade as a result of actions (or lack thereof) that your partner takes (aka conditions).
then it isnt love, IMO.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
that's what i believe love is
That's certainly an idealistic picture of 'perfect' love but I have discovered that it is impossible to "endure all things" and still be in love with someone who intentionally hurts you over and over. You might then say that it was never real love because it was never truly reciprocated. While that may be true, there was definitely a time where I truly loved my ex. And with years of repeated back-stabbing, it faded away.
I don't really believe a love like the one described above can really exist between two humans, and if it did happen to spring into existence it would have to be maintained from both sides of the relationship or it would fade or change into something else.
I do not believe there is such a thing as unconditional love. Like LPP said, even parents love for their children is not unconditional. There are things kids can do to make their parents dislike them, and even if that never happens the parent loves the child because it is their child. That is still a condition.
If love is supposed to be two-way and involves being in a relationship with someone, then I have never loved in my life. On a biological level, I don't see how the long-term deep emotional attachment, obsessive rumination, completely involuntary (unlike my other "crushes") nature of the feelings, accompanying deep despair, the person changing my life and self, and them being the first person to ever get through to me could not have been love. It was certainly much more than a crush.
Last edited by outlier on 04 Oct 2009, 5:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
What an immature fairytale false thought.
Even the parents' love toward their children is not unconditional.
you cant just write off an opinion like that.
Oh yea, I can. Watch me doing it again:
What an immature fairytale false thought.
Even the parents' love toward their children is not unconditional.
a "crush" is not able to be traded for "love" ever.
i had some "crushes" when i was a child and also into my teens.
with a "crush", i felt that the sight of my "crush object" was a very heady sensation. i wanted to act just right to impress that "utterly beautiful" person.
if she looked at me i would try to think my best thoughts and behave in a way that her gaze may rest upon me for a while.
the heart flutters and the idea of union with that person is mind blowingly euphoric.
but if some one like god said "if you trade the life of your pet cat, then you will achieve that union you dream of with her", then i would decide to keep my cat alive without hesitation.
it would be such a drag to have to choose between them, but i actually love my pets and it is a stronger force than infatuation with delightful girls.
a mother who has a child may meet some man who can satisfy her completely. if she was asked to decide between having a continued relationship with that man, or having her children well cared for and happy,, then she would certainly choose her children unless she has some psychopathic traits.
love is conviction, and crushes are titillations. that is my present view.
I think you nailed it here, the more I think about it. it's all down to how much you're willing to sacrifice.
_________________
not a bug - a feature.
Um I don't know. I would not want to date someone who is willing to die for me at all costs. That's just f****d up.
Also current knowledge, such as from functional brain scans shows that the reason why people want to do anything is because it simulates them.
So it seems to me that so far as love exists, it is between people being mutually simulated to a high degree. Sacrifice becomes automatically easier if you are getting something out of it.
I think you could describe a crush as a different sensation because it goes only one way. Except for the loving and longing which are pretty much hard enough for lovers... a crush has that loving and longing without answer... talk about your knot in the stomach!
Other than that... when the 'being in love' cloud has floated over there is a relationship between two people left. If you're lucky the person you were in love with has exceptablt features, exceptable friends and family and a nice communication style. Apart from that after you've had lots of sex you're pretty much physically attached too.
There's actually been a lot of research measuring intimate relationship. How long it will hold depends on lots of things; like the presence of significant others and the already mentioned communication style. It has been measured that happy relations (not just partners but parents and siblings too) have a positive communication ratio of 1:5. That means for every nasty remark or criticism, there need te be 5 pleasant ones. Otherwise the relationship is doomed, unless the couple is very religious... which makes the split up rate a lot smaller (though that says nothing abut how happy the couple is).
If you have a crush all this un-romantic stuff never gets to you. You stay in awe of that one idol, who gets more and more perfect along the way... you never get to meet the human half.
What an immature fairytale false thought.
Even the parents' love toward their children is not unconditional.
you cant just write off an opinion like that.
Oh yea, I can. Watch me doing it again:
What an immature fairytale false thought.
Even the parents' love toward their children is not unconditional.
Ah, but it is opinion on all counts - not all relationships, whether romantic, parental or platonic, are the same. Unconditional love exists, but it is not necessarily common or lifelong, nor contractually accountable to anyone.
M.
_________________
My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.
For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.
So long, and thanks for all the fish!
Would you mind helping us sand and paint her bedroom walls first? We need to get some use out of you before you're cooked. I figured we could do two birds, one stone sort of thing. Not to offend your avatar of course.
Very wise words indeed.
For me, a crush is when you get a rush out of being around someone. But to love them means your world is a happier place when they're in it, and when they're not there, you miss them. When you get to the point where you no longer miss them, then you usually no longer love them. That really oversimplifies something that is so complex.
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