Cocky/Funny

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for those who don't know, Cocky/Funny is the trademark of dating "guru" David DeAnushole, I mean David DeAngelo. it's just that: humor that is cocky. arrogant humor. he advises his students to keep a balance between the two. too much cocky, and you come across as an arrogant as*hole. too much funny and you come across as too goofy. also, your delivery has to be really layed back and relaxed. sorta "matter of fact". and this is supposed to turn women on sexually for some reason DeAngelo himself never bothers to explain.

am I the only one who fails miserably at this? I keep hearing people online talking about their success with women because of the C&F technique. dozens of people everywhere are praising it as THE technique to use when talking to women. thing is, I've never gotten more than a few halfhearted laughs out of women with some of these lines.

I've never even witnessed anyone in real life using C&F to any degree of success (not my younger brother, not my two closest friends, not my father who unknowingly uses a personal flavor of it, etc).

I think it's either a snake oil type thing, or that it's been used so much it no longer holds any power to distinguish yourself from other men in women's minds. either way in my experience it's a total waste of time and effort. not just that one technique, but most of DeAngelo's advice. he teaches to over-analyze every single detail of what's going on when you're talking to a woman. he gives a lot of advice on the irrelevant, and makes sweeping generalizations when it comes to the harder parts of dating. he's too extreme on male dominance. all of his products can be summed up with "use arrogant humor. work on your inner game. inner game is beneficial. work on it. yeah."

well, no, David, how about I move onto someone else who can actually give me useful tips.

I try to dabble in all sorts of humor, and nobody has had any problems with it.

Before I knew I had Aspergers, I checked out some of David DeAngelo's material. I read the ebook and ordered a couple of his CD sets. All the info seemed like it would work, but because of my Aspergers, I never wanted to try any of it. I don't care if I know exactly what to say/do to get a woman's attention, if I don't enjoy it, I'm not going to do it. I gave the material to an NT friend of mine and he went through it and had some very good success. He had a few flings before meeting his long term girlfriend using the material.

that stuff isn't meant to be followed to the letter .
and if you're turning off "phrases" that it's "telling" you to try, then yeah, maybe they're not going to work. scripted things don't sound natural and you don't have to be a woman to tell it's a scripted phrase from a mile off.
personally, i've never looked at these self-help books but i've come up with my own way of talking that works and i guess now that i think of it you might call "C&F".
but it also involved some shifting in my core personality to accomodate this into my way of being until it was natural.
they say it's all in your head, it really is.

maybe some acting lessons will help you explore other sides to yourself. you choose to wear the mask you bear, whether for comfort or convenience or maybe even fear of change, you think you are one thing, but there are 2 sides to a coin, and many more to a person.

I'm sure you were trying to say something there, Sean, but I have no idea what that something is.

I think Seanmw means fake it til you make it Winternight. Being a woman all of this leaves me cold but then again I have always struggled with romantic interactions and felt like there was a rule book I never got. Then one day I saw a book titled "The Rules"( for women) about just such a topic and read it. It's all about playing hard to get. It's inherently dishonest and it creeped me out too. I think being funny is something you either have or you don't and trying to force it rarely succeeds. Also consider that if you have flat affect your attempts at ironic humor may be misinterpreted and taken offensively. Have you ever thought about going to a forum where people discuss love and dating and asking women what they want? I mean an NT oriented one. I couldn't tell you what an NT woman wants. I think it's universal that women like men who are good listeners.

I want you to feel included. especially since David DeAngelo claims to have learned cocky/funny from a woman. would you like to play around with it?

To use the old cliche fishing analogy for dating, there are a lot of different kinds of fish in the sea, but different fish prefer different baits. This cocky/funny (I've never heard of this label or this guy before reading this thread, but the concept is old) thing is merely one of many kinds of bait at one's disposal. I simply don't use this bait because I don't like the kind of fish who are attracted to this bait.

David DeAngelo's techniques work, but he does very little to explain how. It's frustrating.

In a nutshell: Cocky to show that you see yourself on her social level. Funny is to make her comfortable.

Most of the time, you can skip the cocky part. That's only for when women think they're out of your league. Usually, just being funny, but not childish is good enough.

Don't try any "style" or "strategy" that you're not comfortable with just because you've heard other people like it. It's an indication that, in all likelihood, there's something in the details that many people understand and you don't - at least not yet. For example, I would never make any kind of suggestive jokes in mixed company, though I know some people who can pull it off. I used to be opposed to friendly teasing, though I've eventually managed to pull it off with some of my friends and understand why it works.

I have read David's posts on Askmen.com, and most of the advice he gives out can be pretty helpful, but you have to know how to use it. Most of the info is meant as guidelines, and might not apply to all women. If you are completely clueless with women, it might take a lot of practicing before you finally start to get it. Also, he is pretty straight-forward and gives out black and white answers, with no "grey" area, which means you will have to "read between the lines" a lot of the time. One thing I don't like about him, is that all of his letter's on there are sales pitches to get people to buy his book...really annoying.


Cocky and Funny works on a lot of women, but not all of them. You also have to be pretty natural at it, to have any effect.

The part he mentions about being a Challenge to women is also very affective. They like the guy to play hard to get, they like being picked-on, teased, and argued with (all playfully), etc, etc.

Confidence and Assertiveness rank pretty high up there as well, when it comes to women.

have you ever had any real success with this stuff, silverstar? if so, please share a good story, and your methods.

I don't know.

"confident" and "assertive" may be too "creepy."