Scared of replacement by an NT.

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I'm permanently worried that my boyfriend [NT] will find it too hard to understand me and find a different girl. He suffers from depression, and I can't usually tell what he wants me to do when he is feeling bad. By nature, I am a problem solver, so simply offering hugs or sympathy isn't really in my personality makeup. I did try doing that for a while, but it felt too forced to be genuine. I prefer people to tell me what exactly is wrong, and what they want me to do, rather than to leave a strong sense of ambiguity over the entire issue.

Every time I find that he's talking to another girl online [we originally 'met' on a support forum], I think that he'll compare her to me and find that she's more useful as a person. Recently, he's been talking to someone who constantly says that she "loves" him, that he's "amazing". Because I find it so hard to know when to tell him these things myself, I fear that he'll prefer her as she shows more affection.

Any affection I make a conscious decision to express feels fake, and as a result of that I forget who I am. I try to make him happy by doing or saying certain things, but there seems little point as I get nothing real in return.

I want to be myself, but it may cause me to forfeit the relationship.

I'm not sure what I am asking, exactly, but I suppose it would be interesting to know if anyone else has experienced similar concerns.

Shakespeare said "To thine own self be true." You have to be yourself, and most importantly in a relationship. If your boyfriend begins to think you are not enough then he isn't worthy of you.
many people make friends on the internet, and women will say sweet things because they know there isn't a chance of meeting the man and vice versa. He could be lapping up all the sweet talk because it makes him feel good. But you must be yourself.

If you are very worried, maybe show him your post?

You definitely need to be yourself, otherwise how can your boyfriend ever love the real you. Maybe he's "not the one". Let him go, if it's true love he will be back, if he doesn't return you have saved yourself from a miserable, drug-out relationship that ultimately results in the same outcome.

You need to be confident in who you are and secure with your individual flaws and strengths. There is a reason people shy away from "needy" people (not saying you are needy), they don't have a well developed "self" and thus tend to take more from the relationship than they give, depressed people seem more prone to this than average.

Actually the online chatting with this chick who "loves" him sounds really juvenile, don't know how old you are, but unless this guy is an exceptional character, I would be shopping around myself.

Perhaps I should have mentioned this in the initial post; I'm sixteen, and my boyfriend is seventeen.


Therein lies this problem: if I ever mention the relationship, he takes it as a criticism. I think there is a possibility he has BPD. He is incredibly defensive and tends to become focused on himself immediately, claiming that he is a bad person and he doesn't deserve me. I don't understand his emotions a lot of the time, they're so changeable/volatile. Discussing flaws in our relationship always results in me feeling completely lost and him being depressed, possibly harming himself somehow.


She sees herself as exceptionally mature, but I share your view entirely. The girl in question comes across as being the type who achieves a high standard in exams, yet has no interest in intellectual pursuits or any enthusiasm regarding accumulating knowledge [which is what I live for].

I don't think I actually want a relationship at all, and never did. I've always preferred being alone, but he said he cared about me a great deal so I felt almost obligated not to turn him down. I do care about him, and like having someone to look after, but he occupies all my time and I don't seem able to help him.

Are you sure by what she means by love isn’t a way to express her extreme respect for him because you shouldn’t really be jealous of this because she probably is like a psychologist to him. To make your boy friend feel happier about himself because you lack in sympathy he may use her as a tool for some one to understand him but he will still love you for you are his only true love.

You would definitely be better off without him, then. It sounds harsh, but from what you've said, he needs to work on his own self esteem before being in a relationship. If he has emotional problems then they need to be worked on too ... it would probably be best for the two of you to call it quits (for now, at least) and, if you both want to, just stay as friends for a while. You're both very young and will have lots of time for a relationship later, when you're both on equal footing. If he 'needs to be looked after' (never a good sign in an adult), and you're feeling that you need to help him but can't, then the current relationship is fair to neither of you.