Your partner's friends and you

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13 Jul 2010, 8:43 am

One of the things that keep me from investigating possible relationships with women I find appealing is that when you're in a relationship, it appears that you are expected to get to know and socialize with your partner's friends. For me this is a problem, because I'm always only interested in that one particular person and don't really care about her friends (pretending to like them is not worth it). I can barely talk to more than one person at a time, or I get overloaded. Has anyone else ever dealt with a similar issue?

Asp-Z
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13 Jul 2010, 9:01 am

I've never really bothered becoming friends with any of my partner's friends and it didn't cause problems. This was true with both Aspies and NTs.

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13 Jul 2010, 9:13 am

I can't ever stand my girlfriends' friends. I think this is fairly normal.

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astaut
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13 Jul 2010, 10:26 am

Some people really want you to get to know their friends, others don't care that much. So I wouldn't let it stop you from being in a relationship.

I've had different experiences in this, ranging from making friends of my own, making enemies, or dating someone who didn't care much about me meeting his friends or didn't hang around them much.

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13 Jul 2010, 7:17 pm

alexptrans wrote:

I think I can relate in a way. I wouldn't have much of an interest in socializing with my partners friends either because I'd rather be alone with my partner. If her friends are guys who are single; I'd get jealous/worried about it & if her friends are single women; I'd be worried about somehow inadvertently cheating by being around em. I have few friends offline so I think I'd probably be best with a woman who didn't have many friends either. Then we could spend our time together alone being romantic, affectionate, having intimate conversations ect. You could try spending time with your friends instead of speeding time with her's or bring your friends around & do group stuff.

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13 Jul 2010, 9:42 pm

I don't have many friends, so I actually treat my girlfriend's friends as my own...lol

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13 Jul 2010, 9:51 pm

jdcnosse wrote:

I don't have many friends, so I actually treat my girlfriend's friends as my own...lol

i have the feeling i'd prolly end up doing that too and for the same reason

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13 Jul 2010, 9:54 pm

Seanmw wrote:

jdcnosse wrote:

I don't have many friends, so I actually treat my girlfriend's friends as my own...lol

i have the feeling i'd prolly end up doing that too and for the same reason

Well the other thing is, I have a lot of "friends" from high school or college but none that I would consider hanging out with. They've all got lives, jobs, families (in some cases). The only time I talk to them is on facebook.

So I guess my girlfriend is like my best friend in a way, and so her friends become my good friends...

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13 Jul 2010, 10:10 pm

jdcnosse wrote:

Seanmw wrote:

jdcnosse wrote:

I don't have many friends, so I actually treat my girlfriend's friends as my own...lol

i have the feeling i'd prolly end up doing that too and for the same reason

exactlyyy. I'm like that too.

except i do have a select few good friends, but mostly just people i know through my siblings though.
Like my best friend is definitely my GF
but my closest friends are like my stepbro, stepsisters, my stepsis's husband Kyle, etc.
I don't really have any that are solely my own in any case.

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book_noodles
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13 Jul 2010, 11:32 pm

Seanmw wrote:

jdcnosse wrote:

I don't have many friends, so I actually treat my girlfriend's friends as my own...lol

i have the feeling i'd prolly end up doing that too and for the same reason

I do that

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nick007
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13 Jul 2010, 11:42 pm

jdcnosse wrote:

Seanmw wrote:

jdcnosse wrote:

I don't have many friends, so I actually treat my girlfriend's friends as my own...lol

i have the feeling i'd prolly end up doing that too and for the same reason

I believe my girl-friend should be my best friend but hanging out with her friends probably would NOT feel rite all. I'm remembering that movie "I Love You Man". One of the scenes is his girlfriend has her friends over & he's cooking for em & feeling like he's in the way

Last edited by nick007 on 13 Jul 2010, 11:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jdcnosse
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13 Jul 2010, 11:44 pm

nick007 wrote:

jdcnosse wrote:

Seanmw wrote:

jdcnosse wrote:

I don't have many friends, so I actually treat my girlfriend's friends as my own...lol

i have the feeling i'd prolly end up doing that too and for the same reason

I believe my girl-friend should be my best friend but hanging out with her friends probably would feel rite at all to me. I'm remembering that that movie "I Love You Man".. One of the scenes is his girlfriend has her friends over & he's cooking for em & feeling like he's in the way

Ahh yes, that's what I'm going to have trouble with when my girlfriend and my wedding comes...I know my brother will probably be my best man, but I honestly have no idea nor do I really care how else is a groomsman...

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14 Jul 2010, 2:23 am

nick007 wrote:

That's my thinking as well. But sometimes I get attracted to someone who seems to be more social than I am, and I always tell myself that I shouldn't act on it because socializing is hard for me.

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15 Jul 2010, 12:47 am

alexptrans wrote:

nick007 wrote:

That's my thinking as well. But sometimes I get attracted to someone who seems to be more social than I am, and I always tell myself that I shouldn't act on it because socializing is hard for me.

You mite could learn to be somewhat more social & make some more friends. I would not consider her having a bit of friends a deal-breaker for me

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