Why are a lot of women on here so hypocritical???

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Look, the reasons why anyone goes out with anyone else is the business of that person alone. It's not fair to tell someone they can't establish criteria for their ideal prospective mate. I'm an aspie guy, and I dated a particular type of women in terms of looks and personality predicated on the idea that I couldn't really do any better. I ended up being miserable in the relationship and, with a little patience, found someone who was about as exact opposite of what I saw myself ending up with. In the meantime, I formed a couple of BEAUTIFUL unlikely relationships. I'm not going to lie. Looks did play a part in who I dated and who I ended up with. But there are good reasons to pair with attractive people.

Attractive people (in general, I know there are exceptions) typically feel good about themselves and aren't weighed down (figuratively, no puns intended) with a lot of excess baggage (still no pun intended). I want someone who is faithful and isn't a b!+ch, and women of certain body types generally don't act that way.

Now, getting to know someone better you might find personality traits that are less than desirable. I understand that. But my experience with heavier women has taught me that by avoiding a certain type, you weed out a lot of problems you wouldn't have otherwise by being a bit more selective. It sucks that this leaves certain women out, but it is what it is. It's entirely possible that a person can change their looks or health-related habits in order to be more attractive, take better care of themselves, feel better about themselves, and exude that certain confidence that demonstrates to others a sweet disposition and a concern for being the best person they can be.

I mean, if you really think about it, personality is just as superficial a trait as physical appearance.

And from what I've read/seen about Hale Bopp and Erisad, I'd totally go out with either of them if I had the chance to!

Perhaps some women here MIGHT be hypocritical. But they have as much right to determine who they are willing to date as much as anyone else, pretty or ugly. I may judge a lot of people for a lot of things, but that won't be one of them.

/facepalm

really though, humanity is rife of them no matter where you look. Every group has them, so its really unfair to lay all the blame on america. I really am getting sick of the american bashing everywhere, not everyone is a WBC nutjob.

Though you can't expect to change anyone, I don't see any inherent harm in questioning someone's criteria if it seems to be too strict. In my view, especially when it comes to this area, people tend to be poor judges of what best suits their own interests.

seconded. people on WP are often asking for advice if they are unlucky in love, and they will get criticized if their criteria are too strict.

both men and women on WP and IRL can be pretty particular or strict about what they are willing to go for, and they should understand that being too strict decreases the potential dating pool significantly.

The text in the original post sounds more like the guys here on the love and dating section than the women (with the exception of a few of them).

If people truly did respect each others reasons to date who they want, these "I hate women" threads would disappear altogether as men would have to admit that they have their standards too. So, I am not sure what your point is.

And I dont see personality as superficial as appearance. It is loving a person's energy, and soul, as opposed to loving the protein coat that they are wearing.

yup.
yawn. it's the war of the sexes again ..

what's the point of any of these posts?
if it's a game (which gender can post the larger number of bitter posts against the opposite sex) i think the guys have it.

either way the bitter and accusing people scream loudest, but they're really a minority. your bitterness is the problem, not the other sex.

if you don't want to hear it, don't post things like this.

i won't try to speak for all women but the first thing that will turn me away from a guy is if his attitude toward women is terrible. (i'm sure this one goes both ways.) anyone who really was looking for something would try to examine and change an attitude like this. you just want other guys to agree with you so you don't have to do any self-reflecting. it's cowardly. be brave and try, and things will get better.

I never really understood the whole need to have a "list" of traits for a potential mate...

[friendshipwise] I just everyone individual... I don't hope that they have X, Y, and Z traits... I just try to objectively understand them exactly as they are... some traits might irk me, some might please me... but just how it is, not making a checklist and going "ok, he's nice... he's tall, he's got nice eyes, hes funny, he's not opinionated and doesn't illegally download stuff"... I see the person and notice what they are like, and my friendship level to them is based on how well I can manage the dislikable traits...

so my one friend... doesn't really have a single trait I dislike. (personality traits that is), so quite understandable as to why I fell for him.... never fell for anyone else... I don't know why, but can guarantee you it was nothing physical (I don't find him remotely close to attractive, or even "average.") It *IS* because of his personality, but is it because his particular blend of personality traits is amazing to me, and is able to work with me? Or is it because I don't really see any undesirable personality traits? I don't know... and doesn't really matter, simple fact of the matter is that I like him... *A LOT* and its 100% based off his personality.

I never liked anyone else before him... I wasn't (am not) looking for anyone... which makes it difficult for me to understand what other people go through while searching for a bf/gf.... people talk about how they have to have all these traits and stuff... and I just don't understand... ppl look at it like shopping for a computer... but to me, they are people.... you will never be able quantify a person in a list... so why should you use a list to limit yourself? Everyone has desirable and undesirable traits... you won't know until you meet them how well you get along with and can deal with them (and won't know until a good period of time has passed).

That dude I mentioned? I'm sure given more time some undesirable traits will appear. (Actually have been looking since March, haha.... I wanna know everything before getting into any situations XD... or maybe I just wanna get myself out of crushing on him and be free of that feeling cus I still don't feel ready to date *shrug*) It's bound to happen, and I suppose physically thats an undesirable trait... but know what? I may be shallow enough that it bothers me to a degree, but I can control that and be perfectly happy ignoring it *shrug.*

But yes... it seems like so many people do that... the list thing that is. The standards are pretty typical... human nature is rather hypocritical. I'm not going to claim that I don't fall in that list, of liking someone who's not out of my league... sure based off your criteria... I'm better looking than him, I (will) be making the same amount of money, we both have equal mental issues... so yeh... I don't fit that particular case of being hypocritical..... But in reality, he *IS* better than me. I have plenty of undesireable traits, and I'm a weak person... he's more motivated, a harder worker, more focused, gets s**t done, has a better moral compass, has better priorities, knows what he wants, is able to understand himself, etc. I could go on and on, but the simple fact of the matter is that he's better than me... so yeh, I do feel hypocritical in liking/wanting him... I feel completely inferior... can't help it... sort of want to find someone who's more on par with me, someone who I can balance out... be better at in some aspects, while they're better at others than me... whereas this guy... as much as I like him, I can't help but to feel inferior in every single aspect... (except physical looks, that I'll admit I'm better in ._.)

But apart from just liking people, and who we desire... we are hypocritical in so many more ways... always thinking/hoping that things will change JUST for us... because well... its "me!" "That guy would never look at her twice... but maybe he'll look at me!" "Heh, they shouldn't get the job.... [even though they are my match], but I really hope that I get it... I think I should!" we cant help but to try to think we're better than what we think others objectively think we are....

...maybe I'm overgenerallizing, but from my experience its been that way... even with low self-esteem... I know for me it fluctuates on a lot of levels, and on one hand I feel completely worthless and lame and have so many negative traits, but on the other I feel like I am capable of x,y,z, and that I am a good person and desire more than I have, etc... hypocritical within myself! XD

I have no idea where you got that impression from. I explicitly stated several times that I was open to dating anybody I was able to find a romantic connection with, provided that person was a decent person.

My problem was that I just can't seem to connect to anyone. I've said I would rather remain single than date somebody I am not romantically attracted to, as it would feel wrong like trying to date a sibling or something.

I always thought avoidance of AS-AS relationships would be motivated by communication barriers. Some communicate better than others, but they're not for everyone.

This is new to me, though.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 10 Oct 2010, 4:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

I haven't noticed any hypocrisy on here. All I have heard is threads about "nice guy syndrome" and "vagina = golden ticket".

From what I've seen, which isn't everything since I have avoided the longer threads, the women here are operating from a position of power. Guys run the gamut from whiny and petulant to submissive and seeking approval. Some of the women do have almost a gloating tone while others really seem to want to help. Others I am sure are looking for solutions to their own problems.

In any case, there isn't much of what I'd call masculinity here. I doubt very many of the women posting in this forum do find the men here attractive, unless they're the mothering type. I date rarely anymore and have had limited success so my opinion might belong in the garbage, but it seems to me most of the guys should be working on their self-confidence and self-respect first. The gender wars can be fun, but I don't think it is very constructive if the purpose of this place is to learn social relationship and dating skills.

I don't think all the women on here are hypocritcal. The ones that are, I usually point it out, but same with the guys on here.

Some of these responses have legitimate points though. A lot of people enter the dating world and become frustrated with the same irrational behavior patterns of the people they meet and interact with. WP is a great place to vent these frustrations.

Careful, Hector--that's usually just something that ugly people say!

In all seriousness, though, I can concede there might be such a thing as being TOO strict. But you have to find a balance between "being too strict" and selling yourself short. My negative experiences with certain types of women had more to do with the latter rather than the former.

But to me, having "a few extra pounds" does not necessarily make someone UNattractive. I've had my share of opportunities. My first was someone with "a few extra pounds." After that I was with a short girl, a taller girl with "some meat on her bones" but by no means obese, a morbidly obese girl that my gf at the time pimped me out to (long story), a kinky flat-chested red-head with "big bones," and a borderline anorexic-looking but STUNNINGLY beautiful albino girl. With one or two exceptions, they were all attractive in different ways with wonderfully pleasant personalities. So it's not like I'm exactly discriminant, either, but you really have to get to know a lot of different people of the opposite sex to get your own preferences figured out. But there is nothing wrong at all in having preferences. Perhaps we'll agree that it's dumb to whine about not being able to attract someone who is "out of your league" OR about being alone just because you Mr./Ms. Perfect doesn't bang the door down to get to you first.

Someone said that "personality" isn't superficial. Don't lie to yourself. Personality is ALL superficial. The difference between a person you WANT to be with and a person you DON'T want to end up with is that the personality reflects what is below the surface. I don't want to be with someone who is just trying to impress me. I want the bright, bubbly, happy, smiling person to be a GENUINELY happy person. If you had a horrible day, do NOT smile at me and tell me everything is just peachy! If I ask you how your day went, don't lie to me. If your boss is giving you a hard time at work and a coworker is acting like a real b!+ch, the coffee maker is out of order, and on top of all that you're experiencing MASSIVE PMS and really don't want to be around me or anyone else, that's all you got to say!

Girls who are really, REALLY desperate, self-centered, or just downright horrible people will put up a personality front that says "I"m a bright, shiny happy person and I'm going to make you happy forever" when there is a world of turmoil beneath a plastic smile. In recent years, I've become extremely sensitive to this kind of fake behavior. I once had to work closely with a Mormon lady who REALLY didn't have it together as much as she wanted me (and everyone else) to think. Mormons (this isn't a put-down, just an observation) do tend to be extremely outwardly polite and well-mannered, which in the face of how many people act these days really is an admirable trait. But when the whole world is falling apart at the seams and this person was obviously having trouble getting people to cooperate, the smiles and perky voice tone really did seem more and more forced. I have a LOT of trouble tolerating fake people. I was not the ONLY person who had difficulties with this person. And there are others, especially in my church who cling tightly to that forced "Mormon smile." BTW, I'm not trying to be critical of Mormons--I'll save that for the PPR forum if it ever comes up. Most Mormons I've been around were genuinely good people and were honestly and genuinely kind.

That can apply to anyone at any time. The tall chick I was with for a while appeared to be a sweet, demure lady but amounted to little more than a gold digger and extremely fickle. Outward personality is hardly a good judge of character any more than physical appearance. It just happens that appearance and personality are our first clues as to the inner character virtues (or vices) of the person they belong to. Lasting relationships aren't built upon personality traits, but rather how compatible two people are over a LTR after they've dropped the superficial masks of appearance and personality.

It's not that I'm picky, it's that I don't feel a connection with every single guy that crosses my path. Should I be throwing myself at anyone who is available? No. That's how people get STDs.

By the way, I don't force people do read my comments. If they don't like what I have to say, they can just scroll past it. I'm not attacking anyone or trying to start a fight, I'm just saying that I have the right to post how I feel just like everyone else.