Girl, Four years younger than me is it a no-go?

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Asp-Z
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05 Nov 2010, 4:01 pm

Janissy wrote:

No. Not the "illegal" part. Age-of-consent laws are written to protect young people from being taken advantage of by older people. Thus they have "same age" exceptions and many have exceptions if the older person is 2 or fewer years older.

Source? I don't think that's true. At least, it isn't true in all US states and all countries. Laws differ a lot place to place. You can't say that a certain type of law is the same everywhere.

Quote:

No. What I said was "The OP may not do that. He may be very chasdte." However, her parents will definately assume that. It's part of their job as parents to assume that. They are responsible for protecting her against predators. Fathers generally take this responsibility very seriously and unleash fury that can be quite surprising to the guy who thought it was "no big deal". Whether the OP is chaste or not, her father is not goping to be happy at all with him asking her out. Wjhy start out on such a bad foot when there are more age-appropriate girls?

You have NEVER met these parents. A lot of your "points" seem to be based on unfounded assumptions about people you don't know.

Quote:

I'm not trying to force moral standards on the OP. I'm trying to warn him away from a situation where he is likely to get into some sort of trouble or at leat be intensely disliked by her parents. It's just not worth it.

There is probably nobody on earth more emotionally volatile than a 13 year old girl. The risks are not worth the benefits. You don't see any risk. That's fine. But there are risks even if the OP stays chaste, purely due to the emotional volatility of 13 year old girls.

The emotion thing applies no matter what the age of the girl's boyfriend is, and as I said, the OP should make a decision based on what he wants, not on what others will think of him.

I don't think he will get into trouble at all. There may very well be judgmental people who will disprove, yes, but there should be no reason for him to get into trouble.

hyperlexian
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05 Nov 2010, 4:26 pm

in canada, there was an exception proposed as to the age of consent, if the participants are within 2 years of age. otherwise, the age of consent is 16.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_con ... _in_Canada

here is one problem with the OP's situation. even if you accept (as alex did) that they are both teenagers right now, it's important to look ahead - in less than a year the OP will be an adult and he would be dating someone who is still a teenager. at that point, it is firmly statutory rape in every country with statutory rape laws (and it could in fact be viewed as a pedophilia situation).

if he likes her, he should wait a couple of years. no harm in that.

the girl may be just as emotionally mature as the boy, or the boy might be just as immature as girl. we don't really know either way, but in general 17-year-olds are more emotionally mature. and a girl would do almost anything for an older boyfriend - there is too much potential for victimization here.

y'know what could almost be an acceptable situation? for the OP to meet her parents and discuss his intentions. if he could convince the parents that he has honourable intentions in dating their 13-year-old girl daughter, then he pretty much has their blessing and no further worries. but i doubt he could convince them

(as a parent - please note that my daughter had her first boyfriend at 14 so it isn't like no boy would ever be good enough for her parents to approve of. but 4 years older is not acceptable).

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Sparx139
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05 Nov 2010, 5:52 pm

I'm surprised nobody has brought up the half-x plus 7 rule.

As a general rule of thumb, the minimum age that a relationship can be considered non-creepy is given by:

Minimum age = Your age/2 +7

So, you're 17. half of 17 is 8.5, plus 7 is 15.5. So 15 and a half is the rough minimum dating age

Now, I find that to be borderline uncomfortable, but that might just be me.

Going off the same model, I got a minimum wait of 5 years. She'll be 18, and you'll be 22. Once again, borderline uncomfortable, but acceptable.

hyperlexian
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05 Nov 2010, 6:10 pm

Sparx139 wrote:

i've never heard that, but i would definitely agree. cool calculation.

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Chronos
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06 Nov 2010, 12:47 am

Asp-Z wrote:

If a 30 year old goes out with a 26 year old, it ain't a problem, so why should there be a problem here?

Ask her out if you like her.

The problem isn't with the numerical difference between the numbers themselves, but the difference in neurological development typically associated with the ages. By 26, the brain has more or less finished developing so there's no neurological difference between 26 and 30 or 26 and 40,50 or even 60 in terms cognition, impulse control and maturity level.

But the 13 year old brain is vastly different from the 17 year old brain.

caek
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06 Nov 2010, 2:15 am

Has anyone thought to suggest he inquire as to how she feels about him?

She either says she likes him or she doesn't, if she does like him he can ask she first informs her parents before they start dating, problem solved.

If she doesn't, then problem still solved.

EDIT:
And that psudo-scientific crap about brains being different is irrelevent, the capacity for logical decision making is still there, a disregard for it may be apparent in actions, but one still knows which action is the right choice at that age.

Also, we don't know whether said 13 year old is advanced for her age (mentally and physically) , that has a greater affect on my judgement of this situation than simply her age.

spongy
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06 Nov 2010, 3:10 am

caek wrote:

The thing is same way we dont know if the girl is advanced for her age others wont and they will start thinking bad of him for dating a 13 year old which will create a bad reputation and make it harder to find a suitable partner around the area afterwards because most girls think that a 17 year old boy dating a 13 year old girl is creepy.

She can inform her parents as you say but her parents are very likely to say no way you are dating someone that old and the whole having asked if he could date their daughter will create awkward situations whenever he meets her parents and thats what we are trying to avoid.

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Asp-Z
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06 Nov 2010, 4:44 am

caek wrote:

This.

All the crap about what other people will think is irrelevant, too.

spongy
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06 Nov 2010, 5:16 am

Asp-Z wrote:

caek wrote:

This.

All the crap about what other people will think is irrelevant, too.

It may seem irrelevant now and when they are dating(if he ecentually asks her out), however as most of us already know most relationships dont last forever and dating a 13 year old will cause short term problems on the dating field that will make things even harder for him.

Again its all a matter of taking a risk, if he thinks she is a suitable partner and they can have a satisfactory relationship together he should give it a try, however most of us want to make sure he understands the risks he is taking by asking out a 13 year old.

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hale_bopp
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06 Nov 2010, 5:20 am

lol at the people comparing this to an age gap of two adults.
It's not the age gap that's the problem, it's the maturity level. One is classed as a child, one as a young adult.

I've dated people well over 10 years older than me. The difference is I didn't date them when I was 10

Asp-Z
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06 Nov 2010, 5:23 am

hale_bopp wrote:

See caek's post above.

billsmithglendale
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08 Nov 2010, 2:57 pm

Asp-Z wrote:

caek wrote:

This.

All the crap about what other people will think is irrelevant, too.

Try explaining your philosophy to your roommate in prison when he's riding you like a pony. Brain maturity has nothing to do with it -- in the eyes of the LAW, and socially, a 13 year old is a child in a Western country. Don't get yourself confused -- her preferences in the matter are overruled by these two factors. Don't fool yourself and think otherwise, because you will go to jail.

Asp-Z
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08 Nov 2010, 2:59 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:

Remember that the OP was talking about asking someone out, not having sex. So this is irrelevant anyway.

But, if you're in a country where the age of consent is 18 (see: most of America), it does not matter, because it's still illegal. Yes, one exception in Canadian law was posted, but the OP isn't in Canada...

Though, on that note, I just noticed that he's in the UK. This means the age of consent is 16. Therefore, I wouldn't advise he enter sexual relations with a 13 year old.

That said, I still stick to what I said about asking her out. It's only a four year difference.

The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Nov 2010, 3:43 pm

Asp-Z
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08 Nov 2010, 3:53 pm

Going out with someone four years younger than you isn't paedophilia...

emlion
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08 Nov 2010, 4:03 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

LOL.

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