05 Nov 2010, 12:51 pm
Found out today that a girl a year above me in college is interested in me! Hell yeah! 
Obviously, I'm gonna need to talk to her, so I'd like to ask for advice on that!
An NT classmate's told me to just go up to her and talk, but it ain't that easy for us, so can I have some tips? The biggest problem I have with day-to-day conversation tends to be keeping the damn thing going!
05 Nov 2010, 12:53 pm
05 Nov 2010, 1:06 pm
Obviously, I'm gonna need to talk to her, so I'd like to ask for advice on that!
An NT classmate's told me to just go up to her and talk, but it ain't that easy for us, so can I have some tips? The biggest problem I have with day-to-day conversation tends to be keeping the damn thing going!
I think this is a situation where, if you hit a dead point in the conversation, it's ok to tell her explicitly to please not take your poor conversation skills as lack of interest in her.
05 Nov 2010, 1:08 pm
Obviously, I'm gonna need to talk to her, so I'd like to ask for advice on that!
An NT classmate's told me to just go up to her and talk, but it ain't that easy for us, so can I have some tips? The biggest problem I have with day-to-day conversation tends to be keeping the damn thing going!
I think this is a situation where, if you hit a dead point in the conversation, it's ok to tell her explicitly to please not take your poor conversation skills as lack of interest in her.
Is she NT? Because my female NT friends would probably not like this or find it attractive.
05 Nov 2010, 1:14 pm
Obviously, I'm gonna need to talk to her, so I'd like to ask for advice on that!
An NT classmate's told me to just go up to her and talk, but it ain't that easy for us, so can I have some tips? The biggest problem I have with day-to-day conversation tends to be keeping the damn thing going!
I think this is a situation where, if you hit a dead point in the conversation, it's ok to tell her explicitly to please not take your poor conversation skills as lack of interest in her.
Is she NT? Because my female NT friends would probably not like this or find it attractive.
As far as I know, she's NT, yeah.
I reckon Chronos's thing can work if you do it right, though. As in, not just say "I'm still interested in you even though I'm not talking", but instead saying something like "sorry about the silence, dunno what to say" in a way which is light hearted and jokey. Sometimes doing that can prompt one of the participants in the conversation to carry it on, too.
However, I'd rather avoid awkward silences altogether.
05 Nov 2010, 1:29 pm
Obviously, I'm gonna need to talk to her, so I'd like to ask for advice on that!
An NT classmate's told me to just go up to her and talk, but it ain't that easy for us, so can I have some tips? The biggest problem I have with day-to-day conversation tends to be keeping the damn thing going!
I think this is a situation where, if you hit a dead point in the conversation, it's ok to tell her explicitly to please not take your poor conversation skills as lack of interest in her.
Is she NT? Because my female NT friends would probably not like this or find it attractive.
As far as I know, she's NT, yeah.
I reckon Chronos's thing can work if you do it right, though. As in, not just say "I'm still interested in you even though I'm not talking", but instead saying something like "sorry about the silence, dunno what to say" in a way which is light hearted and jokey. Sometimes doing that can prompt one of the participants in the conversation to carry it on, too.
However, I'd rather avoid awkward silences altogether.
Ah I see, yeah the 'i dunno what to say thing' i always find really charming.
05 Nov 2010, 1:50 pm
First things first: no more "it ain't that easy for us." Feelings are not facts.
Second, don't overcomplicate this. The hard part is over: she's already interested in you. And you didn't have to do a damn thing. How easy was that? She's interested in *you* which means that you don't have to go into this apologetically at all. Who knows? Maybe it's *because* you're on the quiet, shy side that she's interested. Not all women are super turned on by loud arrogant pricks. (Although I know it seems that way sometimes.)
Third, the practical solution. If she's interested in you now, she's going to be ten times as interested in you when you show her that you're interested in her, too. So, show her. I don't know what the setting will be; suppose you go out for coffee. That's a good low-pressure situation, so maybe ask her to a cafe?
If the conversation starts to run out of steam, just ask her about herself. NTs are usually pretty good when it comes to talking about themselves. Through no fault of their own, it tends to be their favorite subject. Are you a memorizer? A list-maker? Be prepared with plenty of stuff to ask her about. (Almost) anything goes, here. (That said, if you think something might be out of bounds, it probably is. Ask an NT woman about it first.)
You're in school, so there's no end of relevant things to ask her about. She must be in some club, play some sport, live with someone who makes her nuts, do something interesting on weekends, be from somewhere you've never been, have taken a vacation somewhere exotic, have seen a movie, read a book, etc., etc., etc. Brainstorm first. And then let it come out naturally (as opposed to interview-like). It's really easy to ask people about themselves (as long as they're not Aspies!), assuming you don't know this already.
Most of all, go into this situation with *confidence*. Not overconfidence, but look, she likes you already. She's probably nervous about whether you might like her in return.
Believe me, I *know* how hard it is to banish the "I'm not good at this" thoughts. I'm tortured by them. And, who knows, maybe the rest of the world thinks you suck at everything -- BUT NOT THIS GIRL. And that's all that counts here -- the only relevant point -- nothing else matters. For some reason, for her, you're pretty special. So, by definition, you are. Because she doesn't care what the rest of the world thinks. She likes *you*.
You deserve this 
P.S. I hope you know that I was joking about the "rest of the world" thing. No one thinks you suck at everything 
05 Nov 2010, 2:00 pm
Obviously, I'm gonna need to talk to her, so I'd like to ask for advice on that!
An NT classmate's told me to just go up to her and talk, but it ain't that easy for us, so can I have some tips? The biggest problem I have with day-to-day conversation tends to be keeping the damn thing going!
I think this is a situation where, if you hit a dead point in the conversation, it's ok to tell her explicitly to please not take your poor conversation skills as lack of interest in her.
Is she NT? Because my female NT friends would probably not like this or find it attractive.
Something that most women -- in my experience, anyway -- absolutely DO find attractive is honesty. It's not like he has to say "Please don't take my silence as a lack of interest," nor does he have to say "I dunno what to say."
How about "chit chat blah blah blah...blah....soooo, yeah.......awkward silence....smile...eye contact...."Sorry...I've never been very good at this sorta thing"...laughter...
I don't think I know a woman who wouldn't find that "cute," and if they don't, then they're probably not gonna work out for him anyway.
I'm awkward, and I'm not super attractive or anything, but I've never had much trouble getting into relationships.. I'm 32, I've been married twice, and both my wives were HOT. I never really thought to try and hide or "overcome" my awkwardness.. I just own it and try to keep a sense of humor about it...if you can laugh at yourself, other people will laugh *with you* and women like a guy they can laugh with. So, own it..
Actually, don't just own it -- rock the f*ck out of it. Case nobody's noticed (despite the countless wildly-popular Aspie derived TV characters these days like House, Bones, that guy from Criminal Minds, etc) awkward people are totally "in" these days.
ROCK IT.
ETA -- I think this post is really the result of seeing thread after thread after thread of one spectrum person giving another spectrum person advice to NOT be themselves.. Not being yourself won't cure awkwardness -- it will lead to more awkwardness. So, be yourselves, people. Get to know yourselves, and accept yourselves, and keep a sense of humor about your differences, then BE YOURSELVES. Genuine people appreciate other genuine people, no matter if they're NTs or Aspies or whatever...
Be genuine, and you'll be more comfortable, and more comfort usually leads to less awkwardness.
05 Nov 2010, 2:07 pm
my previous post actually said if he said something more along the lines of what you said (before i thought the poster meant literally say 'just because i'm not talking it doesn't mean i'm not interested) it is indeed charming. 
05 Nov 2010, 2:11 pm
Second, don't overcomplicate this. The hard part is over: she's already interested in you. And you didn't have to do a damn thing. How easy was that? She's interested in *you* which means that you don't have to go into this apologetically at all. Who knows? Maybe it's *because* you're on the quiet, shy side that she's interested. Not all women are super turned on by loud arrogant pricks. (Although I know it seems that way sometimes.)
Third, the practical solution. If she's interested in you now, she's going to be ten times as interested in you when you show her that you're interested in her, too. So, show her. I don't know what the setting will be; suppose you go out for coffee. That's a good low-pressure situation, so maybe ask her to a cafe?
If the conversation starts to run out of steam, just ask her about herself. NTs are usually pretty good when it comes to talking about themselves. Through no fault of their own, it tends to be their favorite subject. Are you a memorizer? A list-maker? Be prepared with plenty of stuff to ask her about. (Almost) anything goes, here. (That said, if you think something might be out of bounds, it probably is. Ask an NT woman about it first.)
You're in school, so there's no end of relevant things to ask her about. She must be in some club, play some sport, live with someone who makes her nuts, do something interesting on weekends, be from somewhere you've never been, have taken a vacation somewhere exotic, have seen a movie, read a book, etc., etc., etc. Brainstorm first. And then let it come out naturally (as opposed to interview-like). It's really easy to ask people about themselves (as long as they're not Aspies!), assuming you don't know this already.
Most of all, go into this situation with *confidence*. Not overconfidence, but look, she likes you already. She's probably nervous about whether you might like her in return.
Believe me, I *know* how hard it is to banish the "I'm not good at this" thoughts. I'm tortured by them. And, who knows, maybe the rest of the world thinks you suck at everything -- BUT NOT THIS GIRL. And that's all that counts here -- the only relevant point -- nothing else matters. For some reason, for her, you're pretty special. So, by definition, you are. Because she doesn't care what the rest of the world thinks. She likes *you*.
You deserve this
P.S. I hope you know that I was joking about the "rest of the world" thing. No one thinks you suck at everything
This is a very helpful post, thank you
05 Nov 2010, 2:12 pm
05 Nov 2010, 2:26 pm
05 Nov 2010, 2:59 pm
05 Nov 2010, 3:10 pm
Stick it in the hole! Oh wait you said a girl was interested in you not that you needed help resetting your Tamagotchi 
05 Nov 2010, 3:12 pm
LOL
05 Nov 2010, 3:28 pm
I just noticed this...so, you're in college? How old are the two of you?
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