Giving up on my aspie.......

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I am so sad right now, I am filled with tears.

After 9 months of chasing the aspie guy, I am giving up!!

I have loved so much his innocence and intelligence. We both know that we are attracted to each other romantically. I even told him in the E-mail my feelings, and he replied me a similar message. However, it is clear that he has no clue how to act upon this and move forward.

On top of that, all of his good friends are females, and he has become very very close to one of them. It seems that they meet each other everyday.

Now I know that they are just friends, but still, meeting each other everyday? There has to be some ingredients that make them want to see each other everyday even just for friends. I understand that for me to be close to him, I need to be his friend first, but romantic attraction is keeping him from becoming comfortable with me.

It has been so painful, but now I give up. I will look for someone else..

Cries;(

I'm so sorry
Is there any way you could make the first move?

Awh that's such a shame. This is just an assumption and may not make you feel any better, but he may find her easy to be around because she isn't expecting anything of him and he doesn't feel awkward because he doesn't need to make any effort.

Personally I get really awkward round guys I like thinking that I need to behave more like I'm into them and not knowing how to and that stresses me so much I stop spending time with the guy. So it may not be that he likes her more. She may be unimportant enough to be comfortable around.

Anyway, if you are continuing to be hurt by him, then no one can criticise you for looking after yourself. If it hurts too much, you have every right to walk away.

Take care. x

Yes, that's unfortunate. I cannot know the circumstances, of course. I just don't do advice, BUT, in all seriousness, have you thought about seducing him? I really think it's your best bet. Granted, he might not know what to do, hence seduction. It would be worth it.

I'm no Dear Abby but seduction has got to work in this instance. Don't give up. That's my advice and I'm sticking to it.

Please don't give up on him. Give him a chance. He's probably unsure or afraid of what to do, afraid of messing up and scaring away what he fears is his only chance at love. The fear can be paralyzing. Having screwed up with so many women, I've gotten to where I'm terrified to do anything, and I just wish a girl would make the first move for once so I could know it's alright for me to express my affections.

So make the first move, understanding he needs it. PLEASE make it work for his sake.

sorry your heart is broken. my heart is breaking also over the likely end of a relationship with my aspie.
he's only able to be "present" as a boyfriend/partner 1 or 2 days a month or so and that's not enough for me so i need to downgrade him back to "just friends" (as he prefers) and stop being sexual/romantic with him.
have you kissed him yet?

Just ask the guy out. Most guys like the direct approach from a woman. It's a bit shocking for them, but he will be flattered I'm sure. If he is truly interested he's say "Yes" and go out with you.

Like other's have said, instead of giving up on him, why don't you ask him out? A lot guy's in general can be uncomfortable or too nervous to ask women out.

I'm gonna go against the majority and say well done for finally walking away. I remember your previous posts and this guy has been doing your head in for quite a while. You've wasted 9 months, but at least it's not any more than that.

Plenty of other guys out there who will actually show a bit of interest in you, so don't waste your time on this fantasy.#

(edit: sorry, please don't get me wrong; I'm not trivialising your heartbreak, just it seems as if this crush has been nothing but one long pain-in-the-heart from word go. It will hurt like hell for a while, but it will be a relief in the end).

9 months is too long, yes. But I tend to think he's not attracted to the other girl. Maybe I'm overgeneralizing here, but I for one would not be able to just be friends with someone I was attracted to. It's too much pressure. Maybe it's too late, but as others have said I'd suggest you just drop the friend idea and lay the cards right out on the table. If it doesn't work, at lease you'll have closure.

I haven't seen your other posts but I think you should ask him out. Otherwise you'll spend forever wondering.

Thank you guys so much for your empathy. It means a lot to me.

Actually the problem is not really about the "first move" as I made it clear that I adore him. However, it is that he feels pressured and cannot be himself in front of me because of the romantic attraction. When we do try to talk, he gets nervous and has to leave when there is nothing more to say. I made every attempt to be his friend first, but they failed.

It is also that his best friend is female and they hang out everyday. There is no space for me as he is not even comfortable with me on friendship level.
m
Maybe for him it's best to move to a romantic level from a friendship level, in this case, this best friend of his is a good candidate for a future marriage. They are also both classical musicians and i am not, so anyway, I will give up.

At learned a lot about Asperger's, and I am sure this would be helpful sometime!! !!