OK, so I've got 3 dates this week, now what?

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Grisha
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03 Dec 2010, 10:46 am

I'm not posting this to brag about what a "stud" I am (I am as nerdy as they come..), but just to show some of the guys here what can be done with just a little effort.

I signed up for Match.com and OK Cupid about 10 days ago. So far I've got 4 confirmed, scheduled dates with available, intelligent, attractive women. I've even had scheduling conflicts and have actually turned one woman down as obviously incompatible.

Of course having a few dates is a long way from where I want to be, but it's definitely a start.

Although I am trying not to overanalyze the situation (must...not...make...spreadsheet) my Match.com profile has been viewed 229 times as of this writing. This means my "success rate" (ratio of profile views to actual dates) is in the 1-2% range. Meaning 98-99% of women pass me by, and yet I've got more dates than I can handle.

It really is a numbers game, if I can maintain this level of activity I will be complaining here about how my girlfriend doesn't understand me in no time. ;)

Why don't you guys try it, if it works or me it will work for anyone

Also, profile critiques are appreciated: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Lost-in-OC



Mindslave
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03 Dec 2010, 11:17 am

Well, Match.com is a scam. OKCupid is a good site. I never got a date with anyone though. So good luck with your dates.



Grisha
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03 Dec 2010, 11:27 am

Mindslave wrote:
Well, Match.com is a scam. OKCupid is a good site. I never got a date with anyone though. So good luck with your dates.


Why is Match.com a scam?

How hard did you work it?

I sent dozens of e-mails/winks for just a few dates, but that's fine because ultimately I only need one to work out.

I don't think I would have had any success at all if I just posted my profile and waited for the ladies to break down the door...



RomanceAnonimo
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03 Dec 2010, 11:43 am

Depending on the flow you are looking for, I would suggest trying to put a smile picture as your primary. I had one on my OKCupid profile and it worked (well).

You sound well off in your life, that is going to be a major factor in getting dates. There are a lot of gold diggers out there, but I am sure with due diligence you can find a quality woman.

I tried OKCupid for a while but became disenchanted. I live in a relatively low population area (500,000 in 50 mile radius or there abouts, many "economically disadvantaged" aka "dumping grounds for LA's unwanted section 8", yippie!. My major issue was most girls, particularly around my age, are in a fantasy land to where no matter what they look like, they want 6-pack abs, a lifted truck, and unlimited free manicures... (broad generalization but it really captivates the point).

I am currently on plentyoffish.com, just in the last day or so actually. I've sent a half dozen emails most of which are 'unread'. I hope for better luck on a new venue, though half or more of the girls have a verbatum profile on OKCupid so its not entirely new as I'd hoped.

I think you've done well in the contents of your profile. Just enough, not to much info, which leaves room for curiosity on behalf of your viewers.

I hope you don't mind if I leech onto your thread to seek my own critique.. below is the link for my plenty of fish profile. I am countering my own advice with a non-smile photo, but I wanted to try to weed out the girls who are incapable of 'looking deeper' for qualities they seek. If that doesn't work, within an unknown time frame, I will add a smile picutre as the primary.

http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile ... d=24053693

I wish you luck with your endeavors!



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03 Dec 2010, 11:52 am

Grisha wrote:
Mindslave wrote:
Well, Match.com is a scam. OKCupid is a good site. I never got a date with anyone though. So good luck with your dates.


Why is Match.com a scam?

How hard did you work it?

I sent dozens of e-mails/winks for just a few dates, but that's fine because ultimately I only need one to work out.

I don't think I would have had any success at all if I just posted my profile and waited for the ladies to break down the door...


I whole-heartedly agree with your sentiments, as well as the quick statistical figures you give in your prior post. At best, 33% of women you contact respond AT ALL, I'd say roughly 5% are even remotely interested at face value.

It is up to men to be aggressive in online dating, as I am sure you know, but others must be aware of if they seek any form of success. I was contacted by maybe six girls for the five or so months I was on OKCupid. I sent dozens and dozens of messages, had a dozen or so correspondants, and ended up with four dates (semi-rural area).

As far as match.com is concerned, scam is in the eye of the beholder. I do not like that they have a no-refund policy. In my case (it was the first site I tried) there were only six active users in my area, none of which fit my interests, over the course of the three months I signed up for. There was no recourse, a complete waste of sixty some dollars in my eyes, but lesson learned! If you are not in a metro area, match.com is a likely waste.



mv
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03 Dec 2010, 11:58 am

I did Match for a while and the only advice I can offer is to be careful, depending on your limitations, not to over-schedule yourself. I know that with Match it can be very much hurry-up-and-wait, but if you spread yourself too thin then you get overwhelmed. If not, then I say go all out!

I wish you luck. I didn't have any success with Match, but that's due to my own limitations.



HopeGrows
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03 Dec 2010, 12:02 pm

Without putting too fine a point on it, the person you've described in your profile is not at all like the person I experienced when I dated you. I know you're supposed to put your "best foot forward" in those profiles, but you come across as a fun-loving, hyper-social, free-spirited guy with a lot of money and an equal amount of flexibility. Those traits may legitimately be part of your personality, but in my experience, they're not in your comfort zone.

You must be aware that you can't maintain that persona for very long, so you need to think this all the way through: what happens when you can't do it any longer? You'll have attracted a woman who wants and needs and expects that fun-loving, hyper-social, always-up-for-new-things guy, and you won't be able to deliver him. You've been through this before - there weren't any happy endings. How could this approach possibly end any other way?
I don't know how you could change it to better represent who you are. But if you don't, I believe you will be back here complaining about how your gf doesn't understand you - because you made her fall for a guy who doesn't exist. How would you feel if someone did that to you?


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Grisha
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03 Dec 2010, 12:10 pm

Thanks for the critique and of course you're welcome to "leech" on the thread, I don't have any pictures of me smiling because it's not something that I naturally do often and don't feel comfortable being photographed doing. I tried to explain it away in my profile.

Yes, I've managed to attract a few gold-diggers but they are super-obvious and I just ignore them.

I really think that these sites are a good option for us, there's no way in a million years I would have this much potential if I relied on just accidentally bumping into someone on the street, it's nice to have an alternative way to introduce myself to people in a way which avoids the misunderstandings my Aspie-ness causes IRL.

Good luck!



Mindslave
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03 Dec 2010, 12:15 pm

I googled it once. Scam came up. I think there was an article about how a Match.com employee went on a fake date with someone, and something else about not giving your money back, and screwing with your credit card if you try to cancel. But hey, that was about 2-3 years ago that I looked that up. Maybe they changed it to stay in business. After all, word spreads fast on the Internet.



Grisha
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03 Dec 2010, 12:23 pm

Mindslave wrote:
I googled it once. Scam came up. I think there was an article about how a Match.com employee went on a fake date with someone, and something else about not giving your money back, and screwing with your credit card if you try to cancel. But hey, that was about 2-3 years ago that I looked that up. Maybe they changed it to stay in business. After all, word spreads fast on the Internet.


I suspect that Match.com wouldn't be nearly as popular as it is if this were true. I have gotten a few Russian girlfriend scammers and my female friends get some very interesting business proposals from Nigeria, but that's it...



MidlifeAspie
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03 Dec 2010, 12:25 pm

Congrats. I am not sure the measure of success is in the number of dates scheduled, but rather should be the quality of the time spent. The difficult part is still ahead. Keep us updated :)



Grisha
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03 Dec 2010, 12:36 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
Congrats. I am not sure the measure of success is in the number of dates scheduled, but rather should be the quality of the time spent. The difficult part is still ahead. Keep us updated :)


Thanks! I understand I've got a long way to go still - I haven't actually been on a date yet, for example. :roll:

But I thought it might be a nice change from yet another "I'm-totally-miserable-but-I-don't-actually-do-anything-to-try-and-improve-the-situation" threads.

I'm sure I will screw things up, but at least I'm screwing up good-and-proper! :wink:



Moog
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03 Dec 2010, 12:55 pm

Share some with me :P


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DigitalDesperado
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03 Dec 2010, 1:16 pm

Hey, good for you - you're on a roll. Good luck on your dates, keep up the good work!



Last edited by DigitalDesperado on 04 Dec 2010, 10:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

deadeyexx
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03 Dec 2010, 3:16 pm

Just be prepared for a possible harsh reality check when online turns to in-person. I've been doing dating online for years, and generating interest and dates is rather easy over the computer. However, texts, emails, and profiles fall short of painting the whole picture. They're brief on-paper descriptions of who a person is, often highlighting thier best qualities as preselected by themselves. The prospective partner is, of course, hopeful, and believes everything in the best possible light and fills in any information voids as such. This leads to many first impressions that do not meet expectations.

For example, I met a girl online who was into music and liked seeing local bands. Seemed awesome, because I did the same thing, and we had lots to talk about. In fact, there was a show close to both of us we could both make it too!! We met and quickly found out our compatibility only went as far as the music. Her version of going to a show was paying little attention to the band and being on her feet socializing 90% of the time. Mine was to sit in one spot, listen, and maybe have a few idle conversations between sets. We mixed like oil and water.



Grisha
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03 Dec 2010, 4:00 pm

deadeyexx wrote:
Just be prepared for a possible harsh reality check when online turns to in-person. I've been doing dating online for years, and generating interest and dates is rather easy over the computer. However, texts, emails, and profiles fall short of painting the whole picture. They're brief on-paper descriptions of who a person is, often highlighting thier best qualities as preselected by themselves. The prospective partner is, of course, hopeful, and believes everything in the best possible light and fills in any information voids as such. This leads to many first impressions that do not meet expectations.

For example, I met a girl online who was into music and liked seeing local bands. Seemed awesome, because I did the same thing, and we had lots to talk about. In fact, there was a show close to both of us we could both make it too!! We met and quickly found out our compatibility only went as far as the music. Her version of going to a show was paying little attention to the band and being on her feet socializing 90% of the time. Mine was to sit in one spot, listen, and maybe have a few idle conversations between sets. We mixed like oil and water.


Point taken. That's why I usually try to get a face-to-face ASAP and structure it in such a way that it's easy for either one of us to "bail-out" gracefully.

I'm hoping that I will eventually get lucky based on a little pre-screening (profiles), a lot of volume, and maybe a little luck.

It sure beats staying home feeling sorry for myself, even if the whole thing turns out to be a big disappointment.