"What are you thinking about?"

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Sometimes, when my girlfriend and I are talking or cuddling and there's a lull in the conversation, she'll ask me, "What are you thinking about?" And I don't know how to answer. I don't feel like I'm usually thinking something in particular. I've told her that, but she doesn't seem to buy it, and she keeps asking. Am I supposed to be thinking about something? What is she expecting me to say?

This is my first relationship, so I'm totally new to all of this. She has been in relationships before. We haven't been dating very long, but we really like each other. I just don't want to screw things up.

I've always had that from partners. Theres no answer, unless I say "what to have for dinner".

I usually just say it. Usually it's something stupid like wondering whether an Nvidia GeForce GT 240 or a 9800GT graphics card would be a better value, whether JWT billet cams are really a better option for me than some Schneider regrinds or the least favorite thing, how I'd like another threesome!

I found the answer "nothing specific, just enjoying the moment" to be very effective. Girls/women I said it to seemed to love it. Of course, it's a memorized line. and the true answer is close to the ones others already posted. But I already know that if I tell the truth, she'd bolt out of my bedroom (or tell me to get out), and probably refuse to see me again. Luckily, I didn't have to learn it the hard way; I read instructions on what to say in a magazine article.

That's hilarious.

My hypothesis is, most women...NT women anyway, have a biological tendency to care for their mate. To do this, they need to know your current state. So they frequently do status checks to try to get information they cannot get from you in a non-verbal manner.

They will ask you questions such as "what are you thinking" during lulls in conversations, because they may interpret that dead period as a negative non-verbal communication from you, and they may worry you are not content. They will sometimes also ask you hypothetical questions to get a better sense who you are as a person.


"Nothing" tends to be a bad answer to the "what are you thinking" question.

I think the person asking is just in need of some verbal affirmation of the "moment" so anything along those lines will suffice. I'd go for the "Just enjoying the moment" response rather than tell the truth because I tend to reel through thoughts fast and in a continuous stream so I may start out by thinking something like "I hope we have moments like this even when we're too old to remember where we are" and in the time it takes to ask the question I'd be done with that and two other lines of thought and probably into a third. I hope I'm not the only one like this.

I think your reply is very nicely written.

This brings back memories of when my first ex used to ask me this. He asked me it all the time and it drove me crazy. I also found it hard to answer and I also felt he was invading my privacy. He would ask me it again like a few minutes after I said "nothing" or keep asking me again after I answer.

Then one day I saw him asking his own friend that question and I saw it was something he did to everyone. I often wondered why he had to ask. I figured maybe he couldn't read body language so he had to ask or he was always paranoid about what people are thinking. But he stopped of course when I was getting irritated about it. I get very cranky when the same questions are asked over and over.


I didn't know this was normal. My last ex didn't ask me this nor my husband.

I got asked that with my ex sometimes. I didn't know how to answer her at 1st but 1ce things got more serious; I would say stuff about her like I would say how much I wanted to hold her forever or how she has no clue how much I loved her ect ect; it was soo disgustingly sweet; you guys might feel sick in your stomachs The sad thing is I really was thinking stuff like that when I said it; I know I have a very serious problem but she actually thought it was cute.

A comedian(I forget who) joked that women ask guys that because women like to believe that their guys are smart but us guys have nothing going on up there. I forget how that joke goes but I doubt that's the rezone. Maybe they ask that because they ant to feel closer to & know & understand more about their partner; that would be the rezone I would ask not that I ever asked that