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menintights
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02 Jan 2011, 8:11 pm

Watch and learn.

a wedding blog wrote:
The Female's Version:
1. A mutual friend introduced us. We had no interest in each other, and I never contacted him.
2. One day he added me on MSN, but we never chatted.
3. After a long time, he randomly said hi on MSN and we began to chat regularly.
4. He started to tell me who he had a crush on, and I followed suit.
5. We secretly developed a crush on each other, which we didn't find out about until later on.
6. He sent me a text message when I went abroad for a month.
7. I told him I bought him a shirt in hopes of getting him to contact me again.
8. When I got home, he told me he'd like to see me so he could get the shirt.
9. He started asking me out and began clubbing with me and my friends.
10. We somehow ended up together.

The Male's Version:
1. I had been trying to get my friend to introduce me to his group of girl friends for some time.
2. After meeting some of the girls he'd introduced me to (none of them attractive--he really should've been more selective), he introduced me to her.
3. She wasn't really my type and I had no special impression of her.
4. I met up a couple times with her and her friends and I began to think she was all right.
5. We got close after we started chatting on MSN to discuss each other's problems.
6. I didn't miss her when she went abroad, but I sent her a text message so she'd start thinking of me again.
7. I went out frequently with her after she returned because I had no other people to bring to party on Saturday nights.
8. I was also dating two other girls at the time. One was an alcoholic who was too unstable and needy and the other one was a Daddy's girl who had to get home by 9 p.m.
9. Somehow ended up with her.



chaotik_lord
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02 Jan 2011, 8:43 pm

Is there a query?

Somehow ended up with her, but like it would fit my experience if I were straight.



Wallourdes
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02 Jan 2011, 9:48 pm

:lol:

I hope you don't believe every non-autistic gets together in this fashion.


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astaut
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02 Jan 2011, 10:22 pm

Geez, that's a sad way to get together with someone. "We weren't that interested in one another but we were the best each other could do."

Most of my (NT) friends can sense when someone likes them and they flirt, hang out, plan meetings, etc if they want to get to know each other better.


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Jonsi
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02 Jan 2011, 10:48 pm

Seems like I'm not missing much.

Glad I'm not neurotypical.



Moog
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02 Jan 2011, 11:05 pm

When he came to fix the plumbing, I banged his brains out.


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nostromo
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03 Jan 2011, 3:06 am

Wallourdes wrote:
:lol:

I hope you don't believe every non-autistic gets together in this fashion.

+1 8O



Northeastern292
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03 Jan 2011, 10:13 am

One word: WEIRD.



Zur-Darkstar
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03 Jan 2011, 12:18 pm

This is a basic illustration of why I think we aspies have trouble finding relationships. My theory is simple. I begin with the assumption that most relationships happen almost randomly and for almost no identifiable reason, rather than as a result of a purposeful search for a suitable mate. Thus, it follows that it's just a matter of being exposed to enough people often enough to have one of those combinations of random unrelated events to occur. Like so many things in our universe, it comes down to probabilities. If the initial assumption is true, and my observation suggests it is likely to be true, then the theory makes sense, and we can use that knowledge to understand the situation we find ourselves in.

I suspect you'll find a LOT of NTs with stories similar to that one, where it just kind of happened not on purpose. My dad, who I strongly suspect is aspie and in some ways is more limited than me, didn't date till he was in college and it was my understanding that it was my mother (very liberated feminist type) that initiated the relationship for the most part. She had him as a lab assistant when he was in grad school and thought he was smart and attractive so they started going out. My father was seldom social outside of his job, so it was a highly improbable event that he ended up married, a fact he himself recognizes.

We aspies don't socialize as much, so the odds of having one of these "random" relationships develop with the few social contacts we have are much lower. If we actively look for a gf/bf, we're going against the basic nature of how NT socialization works, especially at younger ages, so we may come across as needy, clingy, desperate, or even creepy. I suspect that as they get older, more NTs will seek out mates with more purpose as the biological clock starts to tick down and they start thinking about ending up old and alone or all the good ones being "taken". If they have children and become solo parents, they'll be more purpose driven still because they have time constraints that force them to get right to the point, and they're driven to have a complete family for social perception reasons. I'm counting on the accuracy of this theory to give me a little better chance dating now than the last time I seriously tried in college.



Aspie1
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03 Jan 2011, 2:41 pm

astaut wrote:
Geez, that's a sad way to get together with someone. "We weren't that interested in one another but we were the best each other could do."

Hmm, I always thought it was kind of normal. While both men and women want the best partner they can find, it's not always possible, and that goes 100 times for young aspie men. So oftentimes, the people end up settling for the first partner who shows interest in them; after all, the desired partner could come decades later, if at all. With all that said, I try to be a great boyfriend to the girl I "settle" for, so that she has truly wonderful experience being in a relationship with me.

I suppose looking for a relationship is a lot like looking for a job. When the economy is good and everyone is hiring, you'll want to find a really great job. But when the economy is like today, a "perfect" job is a pipe dream; you'll generally take any job you can tolerate, let alone enjoy. Sure, you can keep looking for something better, but if you spend too much time doing that, the unemployment benefits run out, and then what?



emlion
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03 Jan 2011, 2:44 pm

haaa is that serious? :lol:



WintersTale
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03 Jan 2011, 7:15 pm

It's probably very true that most people settle. Face it, you're not going to end up in a relationship with your celebrity crush. Time to face reality.


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Sallamandrina
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03 Jan 2011, 10:20 pm

WintersTale wrote:
It's probably very true that most people settle. Face it, you're not going to end up in a relationship with your celebrity crush. Time to face reality.


I ended up exactly with the kind of man I wanted. It might have helped that I never had something so ridiculous as a celebrity crush.


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Erisad
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03 Jan 2011, 10:38 pm

That's hilarious. XD



meems
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03 Jan 2011, 11:16 pm

When I was fourteen(I'm almost twenty-four) I decided I was in love with Brian... over the f-cking internet. And I decided I was going to marry him someday. Fast forward, we met when I was eighteen, hung out a lot, he thought I had no interest in him whatsoever, moved to a different state for a year or so, dated a couple of different women, nothing serious... he moved back to Texas... we spoke frequently, he was actually friends with my boyfriend five years before I met him... dumped my boyfriend... ended up with Brain. I dated(OK sometimes just slept with) nearly forty people in nearly a decade. Just to distract me from Brian and not having him.

November 2009 we got together. We live together. I stopped selling drugs so we could live together. He's just about perfect. I'm totally batshit.

I still think I'm going to marry him someday.



astaut
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03 Jan 2011, 11:26 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
astaut wrote:
Geez, that's a sad way to get together with someone. "We weren't that interested in one another but we were the best each other could do."

Hmm, I always thought it was kind of normal. While both men and women want the best partner they can find, it's not always possible, and that goes 100 times for young aspie men. So oftentimes, the people end up settling for the first partner who shows interest in them; after all, the desired partner could come decades later, if at all. With all that said, I try to be a great boyfriend to the girl I "settle" for, so that she has truly wonderful experience being in a relationship with me.

I suppose looking for a relationship is a lot like looking for a job. When the economy is good and everyone is hiring, you'll want to find a really great job. But when the economy is like today, a "perfect" job is a pipe dream; you'll generally take any job you can tolerate, let alone enjoy. Sure, you can keep looking for something better, but if you spend too much time doing that, the unemployment benefits run out, and then what?


If you say so. And I understand what you're saying with the metaphor, but I wouldn't want to think of a relationship as a job or put them in the same category.

WintersTale wrote:
It's probably very true that most people settle. Face it, you're not going to end up in a relationship with your celebrity crush. Time to face reality.


I guess the difference is I've not only never really expected someone perfect, I've never wanted someone perfect (I know your post didn't say anything about wanting someone perfect, WintersTale). I've also never really cared to be with a celebrity, just admired some celebrities looks.


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