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Brianruns10
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04 Jan 2011, 3:18 pm

I had an incredible first date with a girl I met on OKCupid. Our interests synced up incredibly (both big movie lovers, and she knows history, my other big passion!). At the end of the night, we shared a great, long kiss goodnight.

But I'm afraid of blowing it. I'm trying to show my continued interest by keeping in touch with her, but i don't want to push too hard. Yet I'm afraid of losing her if I don't remain proactive. She's so great, and incredibly beautiful, and I MUST make it work, or else there truly isn't hope for me. This is IT.



deadeyexx
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04 Jan 2011, 3:43 pm

Awesome.

Don't be afraid to show a lot of continued interest. However, do it because you like her and not out of fear of losing her. It's hard to explain, but it's really important.

Just keep in mind that you're two individuals that can do what they want, at any time, for any reason. If you call her a lot, that's fine. If she doesn't always want to answer, that's fine too.



Volodja
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04 Jan 2011, 3:52 pm

Don't go over the top though. You;ve only had one date with her. Your life and happiness don't depend on your success with this one woman, however great she might seem

Good luck though dude



against_the_clock
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04 Jan 2011, 5:49 pm

Be very careful about having the attitude: "it must work!"
That will come off as ridiculously clingy, possibly even if you try to hide it.
I would advise you to think about what will happen if you don't make it with her... and keep thinking about it until you can accept that it will not be that bad. You really cannot have that attitude, that is the only way to ensure it does not come through in your behaviour.

Trust me I've been in your situation before AND.... I blew it.
It was because I could not accept the idea of it not working out and it showed up in my behaviour.
But after I looked back on the situation something changed... I realized she probably wasn't good for me anyway... call it sour grapes if you will but I am pretty sure that it was just because I could look at it without being blinded by hormones.



Space
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04 Jan 2011, 8:06 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
I had an incredible first date with a girl I met on OKCupid. Our interests synced up incredibly (both big movie lovers, and she knows history, my other big passion!). At the end of the night, we shared a great, long kiss goodnight.

But I'm afraid of blowing it. I'm trying to show my continued interest by keeping in touch with her, but i don't want to push too hard. Yet I'm afraid of losing her if I don't remain proactive. She's so great, and incredibly beautiful, and I MUST make it work, or else there truly isn't hope for me. This is IT.

Okay, let me begin by saying I have been where you are exactly...

You're definitely infatuated with this woman. She has flaws (all people do), you just don't know them yet. You are putting this women on a pedestal that she hasn't earned. This is setting you up for failure.

The attitude of " I MUST make it work " is totally the wrong thing to be thinking right now. And I have been there. This definitely sets you up for failure.

You must realize that YOU are the prize, and a woman needs to prove to YOU through her actions that she is a great catch. Just looking pretty for a night, giving a kiss, and having one good date doesn't give you the full story on her... you just know a shred.

A serious relationship is something hard for AS people (at least for some including me) to understand. I am starting to understand a bit after many broken hearts and failed attempts at relationships. Trust me, you may not even know what this women is really like after a whole year together.... let alone one date!

I am struggling with similar feelings for a woman I am with, and trust me, neediness is never going to get you the girl you want. Trust me on this. Men with needs=weak=unattractive to women=relationship over. This may seem like an over generalization, but bottom line is you can't be needy.

Yes, I too have had relationships blow up in my face where I acted with your exact feelings in my head... it made the dissolution of the relationship even more painful in the long run, and did not get me closer to the success I wanted.

OK, now with that in mind, get some perspective, and show her you are a man who isn't needy, can assess people and situations, and doesn't let his mind get clouded by juvenile infatuation.