"silence is not always the mark of wisdom,...."

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I'm referring ot the old phrase "Silence in not always the mark of wisdom, But babbling is ever the mark of folly." As I'm sure people know i trying to build up the courage to ask this woman out however this is about my supposed "competition" It's an interesting observation i made. I tend to be very quiet and uninvolved as is the nature of AS. When I sit at the table and a bunch of the guys gather ot discuss when the woman I'm attracted to Isn't around I notice they think I'm not paying too much attention or something. in all honesty i actually find it a good thing it only solidifies that I'm far more mature and generally a better person in terms of my attitude towards women.

Seriously the stuff i hear I find disguising. It's Like thee no decorum, no standard of respect or any semblance of common decency. I'm talking people in their late 20's and early 30's. In all honesty I hope it shows. This woman always seems to enjoy my company. And seems to be extremely accommodating she always offers to provide a ride for when we study out of school, and when I offer gas money because i hate ot mooch off of people she turns it down. This would seem small to me except that its her general way she talks to me as well. So I'm thinking it might show that I have a good attitude towards women, and she has noticed.

Has anyone else noticed this type of thing before? I mean if anything for all our disadvantages in finding a partner. we have some definite advantages still the previously mentined discussing like you aren't even there observation being one of them.

I used to think like this. Maybe I am just more cynical now.
It now seems to me that yes, the rational, higher brain of a woman loves the idea that you have a respectful attitude and are very mature. However, the part of the brain that causes feelings of attraction seems to have more of an affinity for other types of behavior (i.e. Bad Boy).

I think that in many cases it is much more important to women, well NT women at least, to see that you have some healthy male bonding (even if it gets crude sometimes), than it is to see that you are wiser and more mature than most of your friends.
The reality is that they want both, contradictory elements, in just the right proportions.
Always be wary of letting her start to feel motherly toward you.

$.02

Thats exactly my concern I about the motherly part I want her to accept the offer for gas money to avoid her feeling that way." I might just insist she accepts it alos botheres me like i said i hate mooching off of people.

As for the thing about "bad boy' vs someone with respect delete this if it is too obscene when you hear "Tell her you're bringing your %^$ and another @%@%." when they discuss their interest. Thats something that's a bit over the top I'd say.

And on showing male bonding A lot of my male bonding comes from when I meet up with my best friend, He's bipolar and literally one of the few people outside of my family I Trust with details of my personal life (needing to get away fror my family for a bit and so on). We basically met at school and have been best friends ever since. I Tend to keep very small circles of friends as a result my really social behavior only shows to them.

I had a real interest in this girl I met in college. And then looking back on it years later I see so many things that I did wrong.

The first problem was I didn't think of her in a sexual context. I thought this was a good thing, I thought it was respectful, but I was oblivious to her desires.

We sort of flirted back and forth, and in retrospect, she gave me many opportunities to make a move but I was too oblivious to notice.

So my main advice is this, don't get too hung up on the "respect" thing.
Just try and think of her as your equal, a sexual human being who is exploring and wanting to love and be loved. Don't put her on a pedestal.

Also don't be too obvious and desperate. Girls, especially NT girls, love mystery and innuendo.
It is fun for them to try and figure out if you want them or not.
So you sort of put yourself out there, but keep it subtle. This is tough for most of us.

When you see a real opportunity, then you really put yourself out there, and make your intentions clear. Lead the way. That is very attractive to most girls, because it allows them to get "swept off their feet."
Most importantly, when you look back on your life you will be much happier knowing you took the chance, even if it didn't work out.

I'm hanging up my advice hat for tonight.
good luck.

Thank you for the advice. I'll try to be abut more flirtatious which wil lbe a hard thing for me i tend to be akward enough as is with women but it's worth the effort.

On the other hand.........................

Better to be thought of as a fool and keep silent than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. (Abraham Lincoln)

Ed Almos

This is tricky for me, since I am very respectful and don't really talk or mention such things. I am not above mentioning it indirectly, or becoming bashful around others. But I don't make such discussion a part of my normal conversation, and especially my conversation with women.



I'm finding this to be not too difficult actually. Just need to not care that much, enjoy the conversation with women not the outcome so much. The subtlety is hard though, but I'm not even going to worry about it that much though.

I'm hoping it will come through in the way I act, and I am not going to be that direct about my intentions unless I know she's very interested in me. Since it doesn't matter if I am interested in her really, it's all about how interested she is in me... any reveal of my complete intentions is going to wait until we really know each other.



My current plan is to do this sort of thing, if a girl is really interested in me... and we both have a good time together... I want to do a full reveal with tons of romantic stuff.

I maintain that my way of being romantic and revealing my complete feelings is going to work, I just need to know when is the best time to reveal myself. Girls like romantic stuff... I'll become quite bitter if this is just one big cosmic lie...

Hey, I missed the updates on this. Just wanted to say that I wasn't talking about bringing sexual topics up in conversation or anything. I'm just saying that in retrospect this girl I knew in college probably wanted me to make a move, but I never did, partly because I had focused so much on this idealized image of her that I had in my mind which I respected so much.... totally on a pedestal.

And of course girls love romantic stuff, but a lot of people think that flowers and candy are romance.
In my opinion less is more.
I heard someone say once that mystery is the essence of romance.
I think that what girls really want is the "dance" so to speak. You just keep delivering little indicators that you want to continue the "dance" of getting closer.

What I meant by "put yourself out there" was more on the lines of directing the mood toward greater intimacy, i.e. increased physical contact, going for a kiss etc..

I really should stop analyzing relationships so much.
But, if I had known then what I know now.....