paladin wrote:
I am very reluctant to do anything other than say hello, or try to engage her in a conversation in a group setting. She is WAY out of my league for many reasons but the two most important ones are that I am probably 15 years older than she is (I am 35 and she is 20 or 21), and she is very petite and skinny (superficial I know, but it does turn me on) and I wouldn't be surprised if I literally weighed 2.25 to 2.5 x her body weight.
Additionally I still have bad memories about the first woman I ever tried to flirt with. I did what came naturally to me and was just being myself (that is what everyone says you should do right?): I looked at her because I found her attractive, but I remained non-verbal because I was intimidated by the idea of talking to her, additionally I didn't want to discuss my feelings for her verbally (it's just not who I am). This happened during a 2 hr lecture in a psychology class we were both taking. I didn't know how long was appropriate to look at her, but I was determined to send her a message. When she didn't respond to me I figured I would have to flirt harder, which resulted in me staring at her even longer.
By the end of the class I figured I would be able to evaluate the results of my 'flirting' experiment. Well she stuck with her friends and did not leave me a chance to talk to her after class. I didn't know what to think so I just let it go. I soon noticed that she was afraid of me, and avoided me at all costs. One time over a year later I was walking down a hall with a 90 degree turn. Out from the other side she emerged. We almost bumped into each other, and as soon as she noticed me she jumped back and screamed. I just stood there trying to convey an "I'm sorry" look on my face and hope for the best. She quickly ran off. From that point on, I was haunted by guilt over what I had done to her. I liked her, the last thing in the world I wanted to do was scare her off!
That and other similar experiences have convinced me that women are EXTREMELY random. No matter what my intentions are when interacting socially or professionally (with the exception of teachers and bosses, where the relationship is more well defined) with women there are always unexpected and unforeseeable side effects. I was even fired from my first lab because of such a misunderstanding. Shortly after that I learned about Asperger's. I have also found that it is much safer to just act passively around women and not interact with them unless it is necessary. I don't always follow my own advice though. Makes me feel much sadder and lonelier though.
Anyway experience has shown me that no matter how I feel about a woman, interacting with her is not only confusing, but also potentially very dangerous. As much as I would like to ask her out it is much TOO DANGEROUS to do so in a work situation (honestly, I don't know where my mind was when I typed above that I was not worried about this).
Naturally doesn't mean literally what comes you naturally as individual, it means what comes naturally and is acceptable according to social norms, what is normal. Some person might naturally get a boner easily, however if he tried to use showing what kind of a trouser tent the sight of her has helped him to rise up, that would end up badly. That woman's reaction was not random. Intensive stalkerish staring is not acceptable form of flirting according to social norms. Just go talk to her like you would talk to a friend, maybe slightly longer eye contact but not much. Don't think how you are going to marry her, just aim to have a nice talk first.
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Gremmie:
My special interest is biological psychiatry. I basically want to know what is different in my brain from NTs. I don't believe in curing, (how would president Obama feel if someone wrote him a letter saying they wanted to cure him of being black?) but I do believe in treatment. By that I mean that I want to become the best Aspie I can possibly be. I truly believe that the more I understand about neuroscience, neuropharmacology and neuroplasticity, the better I will be able to do so.
As for my PhD it will officially be in cell biology, but my thesis research is in studying how serotonin, stress hormones, and proteins involved in neuroplasticity effect drug addiction and relapse in drug addiction. I fundamentally consider myself to be a neuroscientist.
Autism spectrum disorders are most likely abnormal development caused by sensory integration issues. Most likely SI-issues disturb normal learning of social skills. For improving social skills you should probably also read Asperger/ASD aimed books about social situations and skills.
12 Apr 2011, 3:35 pm
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