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Completely Truly In Love With An Aspie

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AspieLover611
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15 May 2011, 7:30 pm

So, before I go into what I'm posting about, let me give some background information. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years and 3 months--we've known each other for 7 years. He is the love of the life and the most incredible man I've ever met. However, he has Asperger's--to take it a kick in the rear further, he completely denies that he has Aspergers. This makes things particularly difficult sometimes--he's literally said to me "I feel like I cause all the problems in this relationship, and I don't know why I do". It breaks my heart.

But here's the thing--if your NT/Aspie relationship isn't panning out, it's not because he/she is an Aspie--stop using it as an excuse!! If it's not working, it's because BOTH of you aren't willing to work at it. Believe me, it's possible for even an Aspie to work at a relationship. Today I was in tears and my fiance came up to me, held me for probably five minutes, and told me that everything was going to be okay, and he was sorry that I was so sad-----WHAT!? An Aspie recognizing emotions? Oh, wait, he recognized it because I told him.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to just get to KNOW the other person. In the end, "Asperger's" doesn't matter. What matters is who they are--just like any relationship, you have to learn how the other person is wired--you have to learn their "love language" to make them feel special.

So...if you're an NT dating an Aspie, I just wanted to be one voice telling you not to give up. I'm not saying it's going to be easy and wonderful. In fact, it's really hard and half the time you just want to scream in frustration. But it's worth it. Your partner is worth it.

--An Aspie Lover



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15 May 2011, 8:26 pm

If he doesn't identify himself as having AS then how can be blame things on AS?

And yes, people with AS can recognize emotions. People with AS have trouble recognizing micro-expressions and other usually subtle non-verbal cues, but this is usually only when the person says one thing and does another I think.



886
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16 May 2011, 2:00 am

AspieLover611 wrote:
So, before I go into what I'm posting about, let me give some background information. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years and 3 months--we've known each other for 7 years. He is the love of the life and the most incredible man I've ever met. However, he has Asperger's--to take it a kick in the rear further, he completely denies that he has Aspergers. This makes things particularly difficult sometimes--he's literally said to me "I feel like I cause all the problems in this relationship, and I don't know why I do". It breaks my heart.

But here's the thing--if your NT/Aspie relationship isn't panning out, it's not because he/she is an Aspie--stop using it as an excuse!! If it's not working, it's because BOTH of you aren't willing to work at it. Believe me, it's possible for even an Aspie to work at a relationship. Today I was in tears and my fiance came up to me, held me for probably five minutes, and told me that everything was going to be okay, and he was sorry that I was so sad-----WHAT!? An Aspie recognizing emotions? Oh, wait, he recognized it because I told him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to just get to KNOW the other person. In the end, "Asperger's" doesn't matter. What matters is who they are--just like any relationship, you have to learn how the other person is wired--you have to learn their "love language" to make them feel special.

So...if you're an NT dating an Aspie, I just wanted to be one voice telling you not to give up. I'm not saying it's going to be easy and wonderful. In fact, it's really hard and half the time you just want to scream in frustration. But it's worth it. Your partner is worth it.

--An Aspie Lover


now if only she could see it that way too, mine's about to be destroyed because 90% of the time I have no idea what the f**k she's saying or wants me to say, it pisses her off and me as well.

Asperger's ruins my life.


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16 May 2011, 3:25 am

AspieLover611 wrote:
So, before I go into what I'm posting about, let me give some background information. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years and 3 months--we've known each other for 7 years. He is the love of the life and the most incredible man I've ever met. However, he has Asperger's--to take it a kick in the rear further, he completely denies that he has Aspergers. This makes things particularly difficult sometimes--he's literally said to me "I feel like I cause all the problems in this relationship, and I don't know why I do". It breaks my heart.

But here's the thing--if your NT/Aspie relationship isn't panning out, it's not because he/she is an Aspie--stop using it as an excuse!! If it's not working, it's because BOTH of you aren't willing to work at it. Believe me, it's possible for even an Aspie to work at a relationship. Today I was in tears and my fiance came up to me, held me for probably five minutes, and told me that everything was going to be okay, and he was sorry that I was so sad-----WHAT!? An Aspie recognizing emotions? Oh, wait, he recognized it because I told him.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to just get to KNOW the other person. In the end, "Asperger's" doesn't matter. What matters is who they are--just like any relationship, you have to learn how the other person is wired--you have to learn their "love language" to make them feel special.

So...if you're an NT dating an Aspie, I just wanted to be one voice telling you not to give up. I'm not saying it's going to be easy and wonderful. In fact, it's really hard and half the time you just want to scream in frustration. But it's worth it. Your partner is worth it.

--An Aspie Lover


That's very lovely of you to write this, but ever since I found this forum, I have found out who I am and now I love myself more then ever before.
These people I can connect with. Unlike people in real life who do no understand me, which really makes me depressed.
But ever since I came here, real life has become 4x easier for me and less of a burden.

I've also noticed that I don't think as negative as much anymore, which makes me happier (:



AspieLover611
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16 May 2011, 7:14 pm

886 wrote:

now if only she could see it that way too, mine's about to be destroyed because 90% of the time I have no idea what the f**k she's saying or wants me to say, it pisses her off and me as well.

Asperger's ruins my life.


Tell her you love her every single day. Explain to her what you think/feel about her. Do something "dumb" like buy her roses. Then, sit down and have a conversation--really listen to each other and try to understand what the other person needs. That's the thing my fiance struggle with the most--understanding that we need different things. We don't just want them.



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16 May 2011, 7:53 pm

AspieLover611 wrote:
Believe me, it's possible for even an Aspie to work at a relationship.

Condescending. :?

AspieLover611 wrote:
WHAT!? An Aspie recognizing emotions? Oh, wait, he recognized it because I told him.

Even more condescending. :?



jastay3
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05 Jul 2011, 4:14 am

RainingRoses wrote:
AspieLover611 wrote:
Believe me, it's possible for even an Aspie to work at a relationship.

Condescending. :?

AspieLover611 wrote:
WHAT!? An Aspie recognizing emotions? Oh, wait, he recognized it because I told him.

Even more condescending. :?


So? Let her condescend.



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05 Jul 2011, 9:50 am

jastay3 wrote:
RainingRoses wrote:
AspieLover611 wrote:
Believe me, it's possible for even an Aspie to work at a relationship.

Condescending. :?

AspieLover611 wrote:
WHAT!? An Aspie recognizing emotions? Oh, wait, he recognized it because I told him.

Even more condescending. :?


So? Let her condescend.

I'm happy an NT debunked two of the most famous myths about Apies & relationships. I don't think being an NT & being an Aspie matter that much in the relationship. What matters is that both partners take the time to try & understand each other, being willing to accept their partners the way they are, realizing that all relationships involve compromise in some way, & being committed to making it work because you care for each other. I wish more people would realize that stuff. Your Aspie is very lucky OP & i wish you guys the best :D


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