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MollyTroubletail
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15 Jul 2011, 5:08 am

Looking for insight as to mens' motivation and purpose in doing this:

I'll be discussing something with a man, and it will be going fine, a normal discussion about (say) chemistry or about canoeing or even about popsicles. All of a sudden, completely out of the blue, he will make a totally nonsense comment of a sexual nature that's unrelated to our discussion.

For example,

Me: It's so hot today that I ate three of those huge Freezies in a row, and froze my mouth. I guess that wasn't such a smart thing to do.

Him: Yeah, I heard that it's not uncommon for little kids to show up in emergency rooms with frostbite on their tongue in summertime. I'd love to f*ck you with a popsicle to cool you off.

Me: Why did you say that? Are you saying you want to talk about having sex with me, or are we still talking about frostbite?

At this point the man gets angry and acts irritated with me. I do not know why. I have suspected that perhaps he is trying to make a sort of crude sexual joke.....but if it's a joke, then where's the punchline? What is the humour in it? If it's not a joke, and he's really trying to initiate an interest in sexual activity, then why should he get angry when I ask whether he wants to discuss sex?

If we were discussing bananas, for example, and he said to me that he only likes them quite ripe and without a hint of green, and I replied by saying to him, "I know what you mean, green bananas have a funny texture and taste. By the way, I'd like to stick a nice, ripe banana up your *ss." Would the man enjoy that comment or think it's sexy of me to say it?

I don't understand this and it happens quite a lot, with many different men. Any insight as to the intentions of this odd behaviour, and the proper response? By the way, I am not offended by nor do I mind sexual comments in general. It's the way these comments are so sudden, odd, and inexplicable that's bothering me, plus the mens' angry/irritated responses to my asking what they meant.



TechnoMonk
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15 Jul 2011, 5:42 am

I'll be honest, I think nts are just like that. As crude as it is I honestly think that's the way it's done in the nt world. They talk romance but that's how it really goes down. He was clearly coming onto you, he was offering sex.



Last edited by TechnoMonk on 15 Jul 2011, 5:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Moog
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15 Jul 2011, 5:50 am

I dunno, are these guys you are dating? Need some context. Would seem weird if I were talking about popsicles with a stranger and then they started talking about sticking them in my ass.


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Last edited by Moog on 15 Jul 2011, 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Lonermutant
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15 Jul 2011, 6:07 am

No, I'm an Aspie and I'm like that. The problem is that this dude doesn't do a good job of hiding what he wants to do with and to you and that really should psych you out, unless it actually turns you on...



Simonono
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15 Jul 2011, 6:52 am

That stuff sounds quite terrifying. I would never say things like that.



Roman
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15 Jul 2011, 7:37 am

Despite being a male I am siding with the women on this particular issue. I don't see a point of these sexual remarks. I guess I don't see how they would help me to connect better to the other person in any level.

Ironically enough, my girlfriend likes making the remarks like you describe; and worse, after a remark she would want to do cyber sex. This has been THE major hinderance in our relationship. But then again she is not a typical woman; she was sexually abused as a kid and she admits that is probably why she is obsessed with sex.



K-R-X
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15 Jul 2011, 8:03 am

a) I wouldn't say that because it is gross.

b) I've known a number of women to make remarks like this. More subtle, but still a bit WTF. And then when I didn't go along they got offended. When I asked why, (those who answered said) it was because they felt rejected.



minervx
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15 Jul 2011, 8:05 am

MollyTroubletail wrote:
Looking for insight as to mens' motivation and purpose in doing this:

I'll be discussing something with a man, and it will be going fine, a normal discussion about (say) chemistry or about canoeing or even about popsicles. All of a sudden, completely out of the blue, he will make a totally nonsense comment of a sexual nature that's unrelated to our discussion.

For example,

Me: It's so hot today that I ate three of those huge Freezies in a row, and froze my mouth. I guess that wasn't such a smart thing to do.

Him: Yeah, I heard that it's not uncommon for little kids to show up in emergency rooms with frostbite on their tongue in summertime. I'd love to f*ck you with a popsicle to cool you off.

Me: Why did you say that? Are you saying you want to talk about having sex with me, or are we still talking about frostbite?

At this point the man gets angry and acts irritated with me. I do not know why. I have suspected that perhaps he is trying to make a sort of crude sexual joke.....but if it's a joke, then where's the punchline? What is the humour in it? If it's not a joke, and he's really trying to initiate an interest in sexual activity, then why should he get angry when I ask whether he wants to discuss sex?

If we were discussing bananas, for example, and he said to me that he only likes them quite ripe and without a hint of green, and I replied by saying to him, "I know what you mean, green bananas have a funny texture and taste. By the way, I'd like to stick a nice, ripe banana up your *ss." Would the man enjoy that comment or think it's sexy of me to say it?

I don't understand this and it happens quite a lot, with many different men. Any insight as to the intentions of this odd behaviour, and the proper response? By the way, I am not offended by nor do I mind sexual comments in general. It's the way these comments are so sudden, odd, and inexplicable that's bothering me, plus the mens' angry/irritated responses to my asking what they meant.


This is not normal. Nor is it something you should accept.

This guy is a creep. Stay away, far away from him.



Moog
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15 Jul 2011, 8:26 am

It could be that all the guys Molly knows are weirdos


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hyperlexian
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15 Jul 2011, 10:02 am

Moog wrote:
It could be that all the guys Molly knows are weirdos

yes. this is my first guess.

my second guess... MollyTroubleTail, weren't you saying that you could walk into any room and get a guy to date you within 15 minutes? it makes me wonder what kind of impression you're giving off on a regular basis. is it possible that these men are picking up on signals you are giving off by force of habit?

some topics of conversation are easssssyyyyy to turn into sex talk. bananas? practically designed for a sex joke. ANYthing you lick, suck, or bite like a penis is fair game, for example.

i joke about sex all the time with my friends, but it isn't directed at a person in the same way. at work today one friend was smelling a plant, and another friend asked him why he was "sniffing the bush" again. these things are typical amongst people who are comfortable with that kind of joking. so my third guess - perhaps you are misunderstanding the jokes as being directed at you, when really they are just random sexual jokes?


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curlyfry
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15 Jul 2011, 10:26 am

He was making an advance. Then got angry you didn't get it.

If some guy said that to me about the popsicle I would've said don't bother that comment was more than chilling enough, thank you.

Some guys treat girls different. I would hang out with some who were always pleasant but then later go and beat up a girlfriend.



ToughDiamond
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15 Jul 2011, 10:45 am

Seems to me like he was just coming out with what was on his mind at the time. It doesn't usually go down very well, as far as I know. He's either pathologically honest or he's just overestimating the charm of his pickup lines. Some people have a very crude sense of sexual humour.



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jul 2011, 11:24 am

It's true that men do love to flirt, but this one wasn't even close to flirting, this was too explicitly sexual. Hell, for how long you know this man? and how close he is to you? Have you ever had sex before? I can't imagine a rational guy would say a such dirty joke to a woman unless if she's his sexual partner. If no, then he's sick and a potential rapist.

You go out with potential rapists and then you come here to bash all men. Fascinating.

Oh btw, I'd like to cook something for you.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 15 Jul 2011, 11:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

Tequila
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15 Jul 2011, 11:33 am

curlyfry wrote:
He was making an advance. Then got angry you didn't get it.


Yeah, that's way out of order - I would never say something as downright rude to a woman as that as an advance (and I would also prefer it that women don't make similar remarks either). Disgusting.



Lonermutant
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15 Jul 2011, 12:58 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Moog wrote:
It could be that all the guys Molly knows are weirdos

yes. this is my first guess.

my second guess... MollyTroubleTail, weren't you saying that you could walk into any room and get a guy to date you within 15 minutes? it makes me wonder what kind of impression you're giving off on a regular basis. is it possible that these men are picking up on signals you are giving off by force of habit?

some topics of conversation are easssssyyyyy to turn into sex talk. bananas? practically designed for a sex joke. ANYthing you lick, suck, or bite like a penis is fair game, for example.

i joke about sex all the time with my friends, but it isn't directed at a person in the same way. at work today one friend was smelling a plant, and another friend asked him why he was "sniffing the bush" again. these things are typical amongst people who are comfortable with that kind of joking. so my third guess - perhaps you are misunderstanding the jokes as being directed at you, when really they are just random sexual jokes?


The problem is probably that these men think that she's a slut because she sends out signals that she doesn't understand that she's sending.



Tequila
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15 Jul 2011, 1:02 pm

Lonermutant wrote:
The problem is probably that these men think that she's a slut because she sends out signals that she doesn't understand that she's sending.


So you wouldn't at least try to see if she wanted a banana up her ass? :wink: (j/k)

It might be worth asking male friends you trust, OP. Lonermutant is probably right here in that these men might be getting signals from you that you didn't intend and then wonder why you're not picking them up. It won't be obvious to you but it may be to them.