This can't be normal for a first date, is it?

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Quartz11
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19 Aug 2011, 5:00 pm

As mentioned a little in the Adult section, I been talking to a girl now for a month on OkC. Last night we met up for the first time, at a karaoke bar in the nearby city. Her and some her friends go there, I decided to come along as well last night.

It doesn't take her long to get all touchy feely, and say she's just very into hugs and cuddling and whatnot. She starts rubbing on my hair, telling me its very soft. She wants me to put my arm around her, holds my hand, she kisses me on the cheek a couple times. While I'm singing, she's trying to hold onto me from behind. At the end of the night, we end up making out in the middle of a street.

I sense she's into me. But is she just being desperate or what? Is all that weird for a first date?



curlyfry
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19 Aug 2011, 5:31 pm

She likes you. I think you need to have a couple more outings with her before calling her desperate. Maybe your adorable and don't know it. Going out with her friends and showing you can have fun is major points.



mv
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19 Aug 2011, 5:41 pm

Context, please:

1) Was she drinking? How much, would you say?
2) Did you get a sense at all that she was showing off for her friends? Did her friends have dates, too? NTs are weird, with hierarchical social crap.

3) If you're comfortable, can you please PM the name of the karaoke bar (if in Boston or nearby)? I would love to find a good one!



AsteroidNap
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19 Aug 2011, 7:26 pm

Does she know you have AS? Because that's exactly the sort of signals I need to tell if woman's interested in me, haha.

Also, drop the labels of 'desperate' and such! As a dude, I hate when they're applied to me, and I don't think we guys should use them either. Why can't we just enjoy each others natural passions?

/tiny rant off

I would say just go with it for a few dates. If it is uncomfortable for you, then talk to her about it. Personally, I would love to have a gf like that...but that's me.



Quartz11
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19 Aug 2011, 8:03 pm

mv wrote:
Context, please:

1) Was she drinking? How much, would you say?
2) Did you get a sense at all that she was showing off for her friends? Did her friends have dates, too? NTs are weird, with hierarchical social crap.

3) If you're comfortable, can you please PM the name of the karaoke bar (if in Boston or nearby)? I would love to find a good one!


1. She had a mixed drink or two. I didn't think it was too much. Not sure what she had before hand however.

2. There were four friends total. Two were a couple, the other two weren't. It just seemed like they were there, didn't talk with them too much.


Asteroid: I never mentioned having AS.



sagan
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19 Aug 2011, 10:16 pm

Some people are touchy feely, nothing wrong with it.
She doesn't seem desperate. I think she just likes you. :)


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Dantac
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19 Aug 2011, 10:44 pm

Quartz11 wrote:
As mentioned a little in the Adult section, I been talking to a girl now for a month on OkC. Last night we met up for the first time, at a karaoke bar in the nearby city. Her and some her friends go there, I decided to come along as well last night.

It doesn't take her long to get all touchy feely, and say she's just very into hugs and cuddling and whatnot. She starts rubbing on my hair, telling me its very soft. She wants me to put my arm around her, holds my hand, she kisses me on the cheek a couple times. While I'm singing, she's trying to hold onto me from behind. At the end of the night, we end up making out in the middle of a street.

I sense she's into me. But is she just being desperate or what? Is all that weird for a first date?



Question is: do you want to be with a person that on the first date gets all smoochy and fondle-happy with what is, in essence, a complete stranger (you)?



AsteroidNap
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19 Aug 2011, 11:00 pm

Dantac wrote:
Quartz11 wrote:
As mentioned a little in the Adult section, I been talking to a girl now for a month on OkC. Last night we met up for the first time, at a karaoke bar in the nearby city. Her and some her friends go there, I decided to come along as well last night.

It doesn't take her long to get all touchy feely, and say she's just very into hugs and cuddling and whatnot. She starts rubbing on my hair, telling me its very soft. She wants me to put my arm around her, holds my hand, she kisses me on the cheek a couple times. While I'm singing, she's trying to hold onto me from behind. At the end of the night, we end up making out in the middle of a street.

I sense she's into me. But is she just being desperate or what? Is all that weird for a first date?



Question is: do you want to be with a person that on the first date gets all smoochy and fondle-happy with what is, in essence, a complete stranger (you)?


You say that as if it's a bad thing?? :?



hyperlexian
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20 Aug 2011, 2:27 am

AsteroidNap wrote:
Dantac wrote:
Quartz11 wrote:
As mentioned a little in the Adult section, I been talking to a girl now for a month on OkC. Last night we met up for the first time, at a karaoke bar in the nearby city. Her and some her friends go there, I decided to come along as well last night.

It doesn't take her long to get all touchy feely, and say she's just very into hugs and cuddling and whatnot. She starts rubbing on my hair, telling me its very soft. She wants me to put my arm around her, holds my hand, she kisses me on the cheek a couple times. While I'm singing, she's trying to hold onto me from behind. At the end of the night, we end up making out in the middle of a street.

I sense she's into me. But is she just being desperate or what? Is all that weird for a first date?



Question is: do you want to be with a person that on the first date gets all smoochy and fondle-happy with what is, in essence, a complete stranger (you)?


You say that as if it's a bad thing?? :?

exactly. and they were conversing for a month, not just randomly running into each other in a bar.

OP, i don't really think she sounds desperate... not that i really understand what that means. so scratch that. maybe she is desperate, i dunno. do you think if she is desperate then she is lower status or something?


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Aspie1
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20 Aug 2011, 2:48 am

I think it's just comfort level and attraction combined together, rather than desperation. Plus, the girl in question simply enjoys close physical contact, a sensory-seeking behavior of sorts. They conversed for a month, and by the time they met, she just felt comfortable enough to engage in close physical contact with the OP. The contact wasn't even blatantly sexual, other than making out at the end.

In the end, what's so bad about all that? The OP got a wonderful oxytocin fix from all the closeness. The girl got a fun date. Even if they don't hear from each other again, both parties walked away happier than they came. And if they do talk again, all the better.



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20 Aug 2011, 6:25 am

This person is hungry for love - she probably experienced a very pronounced lack of it.
I personally can vouch for that. It's not fair to use the word "desperate". It's nobody's fault that this is one heck of a cold, lonely, cruel world. Enjoy it. You may NEVER find someone so cuddly again. The only time your red flag should go up is if she's like this with other guys either behind your back or right in front of you. That's unacceptable in my opinion or if she's so hungry, she's not seeing the real you and then ends up hurting you later by dumping you quick because she put physical pleasure "before" getting to know you seriously. Stick around and find out BUT be prepared for just about anything because this is brand new.



LostUndergrad9090
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20 Aug 2011, 6:58 am

yeah that sounds awesome but girls can be crazy and can change their love for you in a second. relationships scare me.



Quartz11
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20 Aug 2011, 7:18 am

By "Desperate", I pretty much mean that she only wants to be with me for the sake of being with some guy - and doesn't particularly care who it is as long as she's got something to show off.



hans66
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20 Aug 2011, 10:37 am

I think, she is crazily interested. It is not unusual to behave like that, if she sees you as a man of her dreams.



hyperlexian
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20 Aug 2011, 10:51 am

Quartz11 wrote:
By "Desperate", I pretty much mean that she only wants to be with me for the sake of being with some guy - and doesn't particularly care who it is as long as she's got something to show off.


is it a reason to worry? in that case... perhaps you are doing the same thing to her. from the other thread:

Quartz11 wrote:
This might sound bad, but I'll keep Thursday girl around in case things don't work out optimal with Saturday girl. Or I chicken out with Saturday girl.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Aug 2011, 11:10 am

I have a Monday girl and a Friday girl.

And I have a Weekend girl too!!

However, my favorite girl is the 29th February girl, I always miss this one a lot.