Getting over relationships

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and I'm not talking about getting over a relationship, I'm talking about getting over wanting to have one in the first place.

I really admire the unintentionally single guys around here who possess the dignity and maturity not to whine about it publicly - I really hate the fact that often I lack such discipline.

I understand that I'm up against a fundamental biological imperative, but I am absolutely f*cking sick of worrying about it day in/day out and it's sabotaging what would otherwise be healthy self-esteem.

Is it possible to finally snuff out the "love bug" once and for all?

Has anyone here achieved this?

If so, how did you do it and what does it feel like?

They are probably whining inside about it, just not letting on to others.

In answer to what you say, there probably is no real answer. The best thing I can think of is find ingenious ways to fill up time so you are always busy and dont have time to miss anyone.

chemical castration?
i don't think i'd want to. love is nice.

(and yay zen_mistress is posting again!)

Thanks Emlion! And I love your avatar. Squeeeeeeeeeeee!

Speaking strictly as someone that doesn't actually have a desire for a relationship unless a promising one is presented, I'd have to say this is not something you can will away. I can't make myself want to hunt for a partner any more than you, Grisha, can make yourself stop wanting one.

Beyond this, I have no experience and therefore nothing helpful to add.

Well in high school, every kid I knew was sort of in a "group" relationship, meaning, they all went on dates a lot withing the group. I never really got any opportunities to be in a group like that....and anyone who wasn't in a group was dating someone...which really sucked. But I knew it was because of my autism, and by junior year...I accepted it.

What distracted me? Running When everyone else was out having fun, I was out going farther and faster than them....I didn't mind being stronger than other people.

When I was younger (and before I knew about autism spectrum / pervasive developmental disorders), I tried dating, but romantic relationships never worked out. So gradually, over time, I stopped trying to be social, stopped pursuing relationships, and began filling my time with other things, like working on my special interest (unfortunately, I even procrastinate on that ). I still have some residual desire to interact with the other humans, and I from time to time I think about posting an ad on one of those autism dating websites < http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3358931.html >. (Would dating some who is also on the spectrum work out better, or would it simply double the problems?) Mostly, however, I am too busy, tired and overwhelmed by just trying to get by in this world to notice my lack of a romantic relationship. Also, like a lot of people on the spectrum, I rely heavily on habit and routine. Maybe it is my poor executive functioning, but even if I met someone I am not sure how I would fit them into my life. (I'm so frazzled and disorganised I can't even get it together to arrange a "date" with an "escort". ) C'est la vie.

Thanks everyone for the feedback!

It doesn't sound like "de-romanticizing" one's life is as common as I thought. Probably most people just have the social scruples not to whine about it as publicly as I tend to do.

It's just such a huge drag on everything else, for example, I had a kick-ass meeting with potential new clients yesterday, it was the absolute perfect context to exercise my Aspie superpowers and demand (and receive) premium payment for my services. It really was a home-run professionally speaking. It felt great for about 5 minutes until I realized I had absolutely no one to share it with, I felt this urge to call some one, or even celebrate but there wasn't anyone who would even understand why I was so excited.

So I ended up being unusually depressed/sad instead, when I should have been happy.

Whatever.

There are people who have things much, much worse than I do - even on WP. I really don't have anything to complain about...

I would suggest that you counsel people going through a divorce to get over your desire of having a relationship. I had less of a desire for a relationship when I would talk to people who were having really bad relationship problems. I was the rock they turned to for emotional support & the more I listened to how they got used, cheated on. lied to, stolen from, & abused; the more happy I was to be single.

Of course, once you shed the desire for relationships, and find that you carry yourself with an air of solitary contentment, that will make you irresistable and you'll be fighting them off with a stick.

There's no doubt about it - a bad relationship is MUCH worse than no relationship, the problem is that good relationships are better still...

I haven't desired one for quite some time, but I remember when there was nothing I desired more.
In fact I'm jealous of your passion as I have very little myself, love is one of the most exciting and important things for us and that's rooted deep in our human nature, it is the reason to accomplish the lesser things like that business deal.
It's our human limitation, one of our core pillars, it's required for our wholeness.

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

For all I know, I *am* fighting them off with a stick and just not realizing it. That's how out of the whole relationship/dating loop thing I am!

I am not sure if this true. A really bad relationship is better than no relationship, but I think a moderately bad relationship is better than being single.

Define "bad". To switch to a sexual metaphor, having bad sex is not a patch on good sex, but it's better than no sex. That said, there's a huge difference between bad sex and being raped.

A bad relationship can still *work* for one or both parties. Yeah, you argue with your wife every day and the love has gone, but staying together means the bills get paid and the kids do okay. Being single could be worse than that. But I'd much rather be single than in an abusive relationship, which is a whole new kettle of piscine lifeforms of your choice.

Haha I say a bad relationship is much, much worse than no relationship. It can be quite damaging.