Female friends no longer talk to me

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A close female friend of mine has recently stopped talking to me. We used to get on really well and talk pretty much every day, and sometimes she'd even initiate the conversation. Recently, whenever I open a window (we use a messenger) she takes ages to reply to whatever I say, or doesn't reply at all, and even when she does shows little interest in continuing the conversation.

This happened to me before in real life with a girl I was quite close with, eventually we just found it harder and harder to talk about things. Both of these people had boyfriends, so I was never really in with a chance to begin with, but I find it very discouraging that they seemed to grow tired of my company after having known me long enough.

The fact that this happened twice would seem to suggest it's something to do with me, not them. It's not that I don't have enough to say in conversation, but rather that after a while nothing I say seems to interest them enough for conversation.

Any idea on why this is? I don't want to bore to death every woman I meet.

First of all, you're assuming you're boring them to death...why?

The other option is that, having boyfriends, these women might, after awhile, feel uncomfortable with the direction or intimacy of your conversations. They may feel like they're betraying their boyfriends if they feel like you're trying to move the relationship beyond friendship.

One really doesn't know. And we don't have enough info, really to make a call. But I'd say don't assume the worst in yourself! At the very least, assume a neutral outlook, one that doesn't judge you or the other person. It just is, and leave it at that. And sometimes, you should take a positive outlook.

I say this because I'm friends with a women who is in an abusive relationship. She's trapped, and she knows it but can't get out of it (or so she believes). We've talked extensively (although like a couple of spies in a foreign country because her bf reads her emails and screens her calls for her), and I've even tried to woo her away from this guy, and to my surprise she was open to it. But for some reason, she can't make that final leap...so she's started talking to me less. She has said that I'm doing everything right. I suspect, and she's hinted at this, that she believes she doesn't deserve someone like me.

Human beings are complicated animals! Don't presume the worst in yourself...and certainly not in your case after only two disconnects.

Perhaps trying to connect with single women would be better? Rather than those with bfs.

Of course the other thought I just had is that these women were actually bored or on the outs with their bfs, and they were looking to move on. If you failed to make a clear romantic overture, they might have moved on to someone else. I've had this happen once or twice in my life too...where my Aspiness got in the way and I failed to read the signals clearly.

It has happened to me a couple of times and I think that theres a simple explanation behind this.

I tend to be OCDish about who I interact with online which means that I´d talk with the same person, preferably at the same time over and over again until something like this happened and they stopped talking to me.

My theory is that this kind of thing can become quite tiresome for someone that doesnt share OCDish tendencies and that even if they do share it after some time you just need to take a break from constantly interacting with each other and perhaps you could try to start a conversation with her after some time has passed.

Believe it or not, my experience doesn't actually support this. The first time it happened, it was with a girl I only met up with and spoke to once a week, so I know it's not due to over exposure. Trying to avoid the person to avoid tiring them out doesn't actually work. I appreciate the advice, but I don't think it's the issue here.



I am, by nature, a rather shy and inoffensive person. Meaning, that I don't do things like teasing women or flirting very easily because I don't feel comfortable acting in such a way. However, being unwilling to take risks like that is behaviour that could well cause me to appear meek and dull to females, and I've been thinking that I can't continue like that. At the very least, I lack the firm self-assurance that's needed.



I guess my fear here is that I can't perform well enough for them. I understand that confidence and excitement are what women find most compelling in men-even in such situations where there isn't going to be an opportunity for romance. The thing is, I was just doing fine for a while, without acting in any particular way or doing anything special, but she's lost interest in my company.

I gathered that she recently dumped her boyfriend to hook up with another guy; I can only assume her new partner is part of the reason why she's not talking to me, but I'm afraid that this will happen with every woman I meet. If there's something I'm doing wrong, then I can only assume it's to do with my behaviour or how I come across to her.

My post here was to determine whether there was any common mistake I make in my behaviour that others tend to make as well; I realise that I should have provided more detail in the opening post.

aha! Then my second hypothesis was accurate? She was looking for a new bf...She was talking to you, and now she's not...that tells me she WAS perhaps interested in you at some point.

So here's the thing. You likely didn't do anything wrong. In this particular and singular case, this particular woman simply didn't click with you in the long run. That's not an indictment on you, per se. You'll need a lot more 'data points' to make that determination, with lots more women.

What is possible, though, is that she was giving you clues that she wanted to take it to a new level, and that teh AS blinded you to it. This has happened to me (and others I suspect). So what you could do is work on identifying those social cues and clues.

Never assume what women think men are often wrong about women in regards to why they do the things they do men are a lot more simple women not so much it takes practice to understand them its a good thing my family is mostly women.

...God freaking darn it. That might actually be a possibility... -___-

I think it could be your lucky lad.

The same thing has happened to me. I have a female friend, who I was quite close with, who doesn't respond to my emails anymore, and if she does, it's very flippant and evasive. She has a bf, too. Maybe they're uncomfortable with us because they don't want to betray their bfs by talking to us? I did like this friend, but didn't try anything because she was already with someone.

I dont seem to see eye to eye with a lot of females. I think I am more male with my thinking , because I find them confusing at times.....

I haved this problem with an female friend. When she get a BF she nearly no talk to me. That was fustrating. If they think to betray they boyfriend then they are plain stupid because i see no betray in that. That normal to talk to friends




Human is a vermin

That seems to fit the supplied facts pretty well - I hate it when that happens - why must women be so oblique?

She used to say things like that it would have been fun if she'd met me before her then-boyfriend. I must be blind, deaf and dumb...

Then again, she knew I had Asperger's, so she should have known I'd be so oblivious. >_<