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Teredia
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28 Nov 2011, 1:36 am

Is it wrong that i have fallen for a guy i have never actually met?
I met him on here a couple of weeks ago and started talking. we swapped email addresses and then pictures and such and for me it was like love at 1st sight.
I cant really explain it as even though ive had quite a few boyfriends and relationships, ive only ever been in love once.
The thing is i may never meet him in real because he lives in a totally different country to me. then again my son's in germany, and im in Australia so distance really is a problem in life for me..

This guys about the same age as me too.

Im really wondering if im doing the right thing with crushing on a guy from the other side of the globe...
and im not even sure how he feels about me...


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Alphabetania
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28 Nov 2011, 1:57 am

Well, it's not wrong in the moral sense, and it's not unusual, even for a non-aspie.

In my opinion, don't resist it, just see where it goes. If he feels the same way, maybe it will eventually be possible to make a plan to be together.

One of my neighbours dated via the Internet for about two years, then finally the chap came to South Africa so that they could meet in person. After that he went back to England, they got engaged, she emigrated to England and they have a daughter now.

PS: I should add that your age, rather than the distance, would be the bigger problem. I married at 22, without really having formed good judgement. My unhappy marriage lasted 17 years, and I've been divorced since 2005. But I suppose I would not have learned what to look for in a man had I not made the mistake. What kind of person would you want, and why?


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Teredia
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28 Nov 2011, 2:13 am

Alphabetania wrote:
Well, it's not wrong in the moral sense, and it's not unusual, even for a non-aspie.

In my opinion, don't resist it, just see where it goes. If he feels the same way, maybe it will eventually be possible to make a plan to be together.

One of my neighbours dated via the Internet for about two years, then finally the chap came to South Africa so that they could meet in person. After that he went back to England, they got engaged, she emigrated to England and they have a daughter now.

PS: I should add that your age, rather than the distance, would be the bigger problem. I married at 22, without really having formed good judgement. My unhappy marriage lasted 17 years, and I've been divorced since 2005. But I suppose I would not have learned what to look for in a man had I not made the mistake. What kind of person would you want, and why?


Well thanks ^^ I suppose im just a little insecure ive had internet relationships go bad. and he doesnt see the sense in online dating. -rolls eyes-
yeah im a young mum, had my boy at 18. im now 21. and the guy i like's 20.
I suppose i like a guy whos a bit rugged around the edges, but is also full of knowlege and can sustain me mentally.Of course he has to be attractive, rather good looking. I also want a guy who will accept the fact that i have a child and will not make me put him 2nd to my partner. for me my son comes 1st. I need a guy who can accept and understand this.
I suppose im just being a protective parent even though my son lives with his father.


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Wolfheart
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28 Nov 2011, 4:23 am

Teredia wrote:
Is it wrong that i have fallen for a guy i have never actually met?


In some ways, yes, it will take compromise and sacrifice for you to be together. One of you will have to sacrifice family or career obligations and make the leap across the pond and it will also mean that both of you need a mutual understanding of what you want. It's also very difficult to maintain a relationship where you both can't express physical intimacy towards each other or reciprocate how you're feeling.

Also online, people can portray or perceive themselves to be how they want to be perceived, you don't see imperfections or quirks as much as you would in the real world so you might paint this perfect image of a perfect partner and realize that the relationship doesn't live up to your expectations when it comes to having a real relationship. Living together and talking to someone on the internet are two completely different things, so I would say definitely be aware if you do intend to pursue an online relationship.



deconstruction
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28 Nov 2011, 9:29 am

I used to have a crush on an Aussie guy back in 2002. I was very lonely back then and I guess having someone to talk to was a great thing, a helpful thing. But it wasn't real in a way a RL guy is real. This online crush was unable to progress and it didn't lead anywhere.

So I guess it's ok if you need someone to talk to or meet a new person from the other side of the world. But I'm not sure if real relationship can work this way.



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28 Nov 2011, 9:52 am

Nothing wrong with that at all, I wish you two all the best :)