Physical Appearence of Men

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I've seen so many comments on here about requirements in physical appearance prior to pursuing romantic involvement et cetera

I'm engaged. I have never during the course of our friendship then into our relationship felt entitled to him looking any specific way, nor has he ever felt entitled to tell me what he wants me to look like. I guess it's because we love each other. I think he could gain 50lbs and stop shaving and cutting his hair and I wouldn't be put off by it because he'd still be my love.

Here's the thing... all of my female friends comment on how attractive he is, I've been asked on a few occasions flat out what it is I do to keep him with me, because people know he's attractive and they know I'm not eye candy.

I'm not getting down on myself or anything, I'm totally cool with my face and whatever, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about what I look like and I only check the mirror to make sure I don't look like I have just climbed out of a dumpster. I'm by no means skinny, my hair is rarely done, I hardly bother with makeup, I wear clothes that cover most of my body almost all of the time. I make no effort to look especially appealing to anyone. And it's not as if he seeks out women who look like me. His exes were all thin, gorgeous, well kept and dressed in a stylish and tasteful way but still maintained sex appeal. I have zilch in common with any of them as far as appearances go.

And he's really handsome, I can't act like I don't know that, I don't think about it all of the time and sometimes I'm taken aback when I catch a glimpse of him and suddenly notice how stunning he is. He's lean but he's got visible muscles, nice abs, and he's just... I wish I took notice more often because he always tells me I'm beautiful. I don't think we've spent a day together without me getting a random hug and kiss and an "I love you, beautiful." etc.

I'm grateful everyday that he is a part of my life, but it's not because he's got a nice body and handsome face. I can't imagine placing value on anyone because of aesthetics. I don't condemn it, I just don't care much what people look like. I don't spend a lot of time looking at people.

I just wonder, anyone here can answer this because I'm not just asking girls or guys, if you fell in love with someone(I'm not sure you can choose not to fall in love with someone once it starts happening but correct me if I'm wrong) do you think you could disregard all of your previous requirements for what that person looks like? I'm not talking about horrific physical conditions that make you feel nauseated if you get too close, but just stuff like being fat or too hairy or bald or... Whatever are deal breakers for you physically, if you have any?

Would it matter if you were in love?

I did. I am innately attracted to short(ish) men with dark Caucasian skin, dark eyes, and dark hair and certain features/build. I married a tall, thin man with dirty blond hair, blue eyes, and "weird features" (to me). Everyone told me all the time how gorgeous he was, but I never really saw him that way. I was at home with him because of who he was, not because of what he looked like.

We're divorced now, but it has nothing to do with what he looked like.

People in my life are too superficial and do not get past my looks it seems to find out what is inside me to get to know to possibly get to like me.

Some people in my life have surprised me when they reveal how superficial they are, I don't know how to react to the notion that he's sacrificing his perceived right to a person who meets some ideal standard of beauty and the suggestion that I should be grateful for that. I just don't know what to even say.

I think most people who love someone dont mind about physical flaws, otherwise no one would stay together after childbirth or as they age.

Ive found peoples criticism (reasons for dumping me) tends to be about my personality rather than how I look.

The person I tried to have a relationship with claimed it was an age difference problem then slept with someone 3 years younger than me on the first date after I was trying to make them see that age is just a number for over a year-then I was told by this person-who is also an aspie that it wasn't an age difference problem at all and it was my looks AND personality-that was a kick in the teeth and all the time I was getting mixed signals from this person so I was clueless.The first date person had over 70 pounds on me and how can you know what their personality is like after 1 date-oh well.

that sucks, well your better off without them as they were obviously an arse.


OP- I expect your partner appreciates that your secure about your relationship and would hate you to be insecure and feel bad about your looks, I think being insecure about looks is a thing which men find very off putting so your friends attitudes are silly/self defeating.

To the OP, that sentiment is common enough to inspire songs:

I don't have any requirements as far as appearances go. I have preferences, sure, but that's a long way from being a requirement.

I just want to confirm, not all woman only want a guy with rock hard abs and big arms? Like, maybe it would be nice but it's not a deal breaker type thing. Honestly, I'm not even joking either, I'm really curious.

There's no such thing as "all women like _____," unless you're saying "all women like what they personally are into."

I had a girl pursue me once just because I have bad teeth, she was into that. Another, because I have a hooked nose. Another, because she liked my broken spectacles that were held together with coiled wire to fix them. Several, because they liked my art. Another, because I have legs like tree trunks from bicycling, whereas all the other guys she knew were built on top (I'm not, not at all) but had scrawny chicken legs.

I've known lots of women who think rock hard abs and big arms are disgusting, because they're usually a vanity from working out to develop "good looking" muscles instead of developing real, useful strength and endurance. Six-pack abs, especially, don't serve much of a purpose other than "lookin' good.".

No, not all women want a guy with rock hard abs and big arms. I guess it's deal breaker for some women (ANYTHING can be a deal breaker for some people, but that shouldn't worry you), but for many women, it isn't.

Some women don't even want their men to be muscular. Take me, for example. I was never into muscular men; I preferred guys who were either skinny or a bit chubby. But having a 6 pack was never a deal breaker (I would never reject a guy just because he has great abs).

But it's not something I'm looking for in a guy (when it comes to physical appearance), and I know many women who are like me (who are not crazy about muscular guys). But having them is not a deal breaker.



This is true. Some women who like muscles want these muscles to come from being good in sports (swimming, playing basketball, anything) and not from a gym. Because when you are into sports, your muscles are just a side effect of doing the activity - the activity (sport in question) is more important. (Or at least, it seems like that).

From my experience, it is still that way that I see many more couples where the man is noticably more attractive than the woman than vice versa, at least as far as my own sense for aesthetics is concerned.

As for the sixpack abs, it isn't exactly true that they don't serve any purpose other than looking good. Visible sixpack abs only mean that your overall bodyfat percentage is so low that there is not much abdominal fat between your skin and the muscles. Everyone has his or her ab-muscles arranged like that. You can, of course, train them to become even more prominent. Almost any bodily movement has the abs working in some way. I can tell from my own experience that having good abs gives you more power in whatever you do when it comes to sport, and that my sixpack abs are not there for decoration. For me, they are a way of controlling my bodyfat percentage.

Meems, I'm kind of in your situation. My husband is more attractive than I am (at least, that's what people say), and while he doesn't see that and while he tells me all the time how beautiful I am, I wonder what's a big deal there.

I mean, some people are surprised that we're together. But now he's getting a bit chubbier, so maybe they will stop. And no, him gaining weight doesn't make him less attractive for me. Because he is the person I love.

This is a good question. I do have my preferences, but I was always ready to disregard them if there was a guy I liked. I could never be with someone I'm not attracted to, but I've been attracted to guys who were considered ugly, or those who weren't my type at all. For example, I like "dark" men, dark hair, dark eyes, and I was never attracted to blond or pale guys. But I've dated (and was attracted to a guy) who was so pale he was almost transparent (but still darker than I am, lol), light hair, and beautiful green eyes. He wasn't really attractive by conventional standards (he wasn't ugly, but he face wasn't conventionally beautiful, and he was skinny). But I thought he was attractive.

I must admit, though, that I am very attracted to guys with beautiful hair and I've never been with a bald guy. But most of the guys I've dated were in their late teens/early 20s when receding hairline isn't much of a problem.

I am attracted to larger men with lots of hair. I feel almost nausiated when i am rubbing up against a muscular man or woman. I have dated and been intimate with mostly men who fit the buff guy bill because it is mostly expected of me. They were all nerdy too but buff. I have had many people ask me why i am seeing my current man but i think he is the sexiest man i have ever met.

If I fancy someone, it's not because of the way they look.

As a general idea of who I tend to gravitate towards, It's generally tall, thick built men with large shoulders and thighs.

But It's not set in stone. I've fancied a wide array of different people whose looks didn't match that.