i like her.. she's heartbroken. HALP!

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so, i met this girl recently. we hung out and went on a date.

im pretty affectionate, and ive heard its important to try to 'make a move' via kissing fast so they dont friendzone you XD, so i did just that. she dodged my kiss initially, but later we kissed. i also put my arm around her to hold her. the problem is she is still heartbroken over her x (they broke up a little over a month ago). i also tried to hold her hand, too. the thing is.. nothing i did really seemed to sink in, or have any effect. when i looked in her eyes i could see the sadness she still had in her heart, and it made me sad too. i want nothing more than to fill her up with the happiness that she so deserves, but i dont know how to help her get over her x. they still talk all the time, and i can tell she still has a 'string' attached to him. she was giving me mixed messages, though. she kissed me a lot that day, and we laid down on the couch and made out some, and she let me hold her while we did that.

the next day we went on a date (she suggested the day, i would have preferred to have a bigger gap between our time spent together because i hear thats better). our date was awful. i tried to hold her hand again, and i got the same response. she'd let me hold her hand, but it was if she was lifeless. she didnt move her fingers around at all. we went to dinner and a movie. during the movie i tried to put my arm around her, but she didnt want me to, saying something like 'dont take it personally'. it was super awkward, and i think she might have been crying 2 times during the movie because she wiped her eyes twice.

so, i decided it would be best to give her time to get over her X. 1 month minus 1 day (so we could hang out on her typical day off) without seeing each other. its been 2 days, and we still talk on the phone or skype.

so.. now that you know my story, i want to ask some questions:

how long does it usually take (on average) for a girl to get over a guy whom she loved?
what can i do to maybe speed up this process (if anything XD)?
is it better to just not talk to her during this time without seeing each other?
how much should i talk to her (like how often)?

i know the chances of this working out dont look too good, but i really want to try and see this thru because i like her, and i think she kinda likes me too, shes just conflicted with her feelings, and not in a place to really be open to my affectionate nature. if it doesnt work out, its ok.. i can find someone else. if it does, though, i'd be really happy .

so.. HALP!

Be there for her. If she wants to cry and feel bad for herself, let her. It's good for her to get her feelings out there.

No hints on avoiding the friendzone though... I live in that little valley most of the time

This. If anything being there for someone, even if it doesn't work out in the end, can still be as emotionally fulfilling as actually being in the relationship.

Try being less physical. If you help her emotionally, she will be grateful and then a lot more responsive. It's as though she's trying to relive the experience of being with her ex, while at the same time regretting that she's trying to move on. She probably loved him, and can still remember him holding her instead of being able to enjoy you holding her. So give her time and be there for her if she wants it, but if you two are particularly close (Or at least, you've got some connection), maybe you could try telling her how it is on your end and asking if there's any way you can help. Don't say "You're not kissing me back, why?" That's ignorant. Instead, something like "Do you want me to cut back on what I'm doing, because of.. you know... I don't want to make it hard for you."

But that's my viewpoint. Depending on her personality, she could respond to different things in different ways than I would expect.

thanks for all the advice guys (or girls XD)!

It depends on the girl and it depends on the love. Love is a spectrum just as autism is. A spectrum of function as well as a spectrum of intensity and length.

Calm down on the kissing and making out. If you really have good intentions and true feelings for this girl... just be there for her. Develop a close friendship. When you want to kiss her so badly you can't help yourself, kiss her forehead. Hold her hand. I would suggest some serious time. Why is she still talking to her ex? She probably needs to stop doing that to get over it. It's likely he's not worth her tears.

If this person has other friends they can rely on...

I would strongly advise you to take some space from this situation for the time being. When you go through a breakup it's very important to spend some time being truly single in order to get your head on straight and get your bearings again. Speaking from experience, this is something that is very difficult to do if there is a new romantic interest actively present in your life during this time of adjustment and relative instability.

I once heard someone say that the general rule for 'getting over' someone is that it takes about half as long as the entirety of your relationship. So far it's held true for me.

I'd say talk to this person, let them know clearly that you care about them, and communicate that you both need some space and why. Maybe set a time frame, and tell her that she can call you if she really really needs to, but otherwise to let things be for a while.

Keep telling yourself that....

Play more aggressively or just kick her to the curb and find someone else if she doesn't give you what you want.

then a person would end up not only sexless (i mean the free kind) and also friendless. lonely existence.