Pleas help! What is going on???????

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I was wondering if anyone can give me insight into this? I recently was told by someone that I was going out with for about 1/2 year that he just wanted to be friends. We both have AS. He likes hugging people and would always give me very big hugs when we were going out. Today was the first time that I had seen him since he told me he definitely just wanted to be friends. He wanted a hug and since we were still friends I decided to give him a friendly hug like he gives everyone else. Then he said hug me like you love me! What! This is very confusing!! ! I asked him later that he just wanted to be friends right and he said yes. Why would he do this? When he broke it off with me I said I liked him very much and are you sure and he said yes. It makes me feel very bad as I liked him very much. I do not know what is going on and would appreciate if anyone has any idea. Thanks!

I think you're reading too much into it. He's obviously just really into hugs, and he said that jokingly after you gave him a half arsed one.

Wow! If he meant it as a joke that would be very meen! Especially after I had told him how much i liked him!

I think when he said "like you love me" he might have been referring to platonic love. Strong stuff, but not the same as romantic love. Does that make sense?

Yes, like hug him hard but there is not romantic feelings? Hes also began stroking my face though which seems clearly romantic don't you think? It is very confusing to me.

"Hug me like you love me" is an expression--it doesn't actually mean real love. He probably used it without knowing you would react to it that way.

No, I did not know about that. What does the expression mean? He has never said it before.

This is just my opinion, but it's based on 50+ years of experience...

"Let's just be friends"
- When a woman says it: "I'm not willing to date you, but I'll be superficially nice to you in public."
- When a man says it: "Let's just hang out and do things together, but not form an emotional bond."

"Hug me like you love me"
- When a woman says it: "I really, Really, REALLY need a hug right now!"
- When a man says it: "Hold your body as close to mine as possible, and for as long as to can."

...

Generally, guys like to hug girls for the physical contact, while women seem to like hugs for the emotional expression.

OP, it sounds like he broke up with you, but somehow still wants the physical contact to be exactly like it was before. he seems to want you to hug him like you used to hug him, instead of just like a friend (even though he wants to be "just friends").

i don't really know why he would expect you to hug him differently from any other friend, as it's not really fair to you to hug him like you're dating even though you are not. if you aren't comfortable with the level of physical contact he wants then be very clear about your boundaries and tell him how you feel.

Yes hyperlexian. That is what I feel like is going on. Like he wants to be physical with me but wants to date other people. It feels like torture! I was willing to just be friends like he asked but this in between stuff is driving me crazy. I will have to confront him about this.

danmac, Yes I could see that only when I did go to hug him he began to rub on my face very efficiently too. That seems more like a romantic gesture, I think?

I think you need more clarity in this relationship. Explain to your friend in a nice tone of voice that big, tight hugs, and face stroking should be reserved for more intimate relationships, not platonic ones. Tell him that in a platonic relationship a quick, gentle hug hello/goodbye is okay, and one armed hugs--across the shoulder, are fine, but he is really sending mixed signals with the big, tight hugs and face stroking.

It's nice that he wants to be friends, but he is confusing you with his behavior, so you need to clear this up. If he still insists on both a platonic relationship, and the overly friendly behavior, you should minimize contact, as it is keeping you off balance and confusing your emotions.

Thanks questor! This is a good way to approach it!

It might be good to make sure to state clearly that these are your boundaries, not necessarily ones that you think other people should have to adhere to. From what little you've said here he sounds like the type of person that might be somewhat argumentative about it if you didn't.