Throwing in the towel.

Post Reply New Topic

I think I've finally gathered enough evidence to convince me that I simply cannot function in a romantic relationship and I've given up trying - I am simply too oblivious regarding my own feelings, and especially the way I make others feel, either good or bad.

Anyone else ever get to this point?

I think I reached this conclusion long ago.

Yes. Though I'm telling myself it's just a long, long, long break.

I think you have to make a conscious paradigm shift and realize that even when you're part of a couple, you're still an individual person in most ways.

It's lifechanging (to make paradigm shifts) but can be very helpful.

In my opinion, you should be a healthy individual before you're part of a couple, always. And you should remain an individual even within a couple. Always.

I have yet to start.

Grisha - my advice; glob-trot, go everywhere you've always wanted to, become a profound hobbyist, indulge whatever creative dreams you have to the fullest if you have any aspirations in that direction.

IMHO you're pretty much situated to be the Dos Equis 'Most Interesting Aspie Alive'. Climb Kilamajaro! Drink Malbec in Patagonia! Take an ATV out the dunes around Dubai! Do research into sound engineering and start your own recording label! Grab some foreign restaurant franchises and try them out here! Start an AI research firm! Buy a really slick little condo in Gold Coast Queensland, or on Ibiza, or in the Canary Islands for vacations!

I guess I'm just saying - when you have the mind on you and the interest to draw resources together to whatever extent you want, why follow the roadmap of society when you can be one of the elite few who are the map-builders? I have a feeling to that, by the time you really figure out how to have fun and can be your best self, you'll throw out a lot more gravitation to the right women anyway and the ones that are turned off by you being you - that's 10% cloud, 90% silver lining since really that saves you from a bunch of awkward dates with people who wouldn't like you anyway and if they pretended you'd be in a relationship that you'd absolutely hate.

(edit: I originally said Goldcoast NSW - big brainfart)

I prefer being solo, and yes, you can be happy and complete as "one" person. People who think they need to be with other people all of the time in order to be happy, are too needy. My younger brother's ex girl friend was like that. Unfortunately, the shack-up led to a shacklet, and neither parent was suited to being a parent, so my nephew was raised by his maternal grand parents. People who aren't suited to parenthood should keep their legs crossed, or at least use birth control. And I am not referring to the murder of the pre-born.

Back on topic--before looking for a partner, you really need to first find yourself. That is, develop who and what you are. Trying to do that while also developing a relationship tends to put a strain on the relationship. It is very hard to be with someone who is still in the process of growing into who they are to become, because the relationship starts with the people being one thing, and then at least one of the people changes. They may not like what each has changed to.

Never forget that being solo is a viable option. You can do what you want when you want, within the limits of work, appointments, etc. You also don't have to put up with difficult people much when you are solo.

I am basically a hermit, and live alone, my phone is hooked to an answer machine to screen calls, and I don't have to pick up if I don't want to, and I get to not invite people over, since I don't go much for company. I also get to not attend parties and family get-togethers, unless I choose to go. I have health problems, which cause me to have an irregular schedule, so I eat when I choose, not on someone else's schedule. I also get to pick what I want to eat--as long as it is in the house, and without constant criticism of every molecule I injest.

I lived with relatives most of my life, and have lived alone for several years now. I never want to live with anyone again! Alone is much better for me. When I lived with relatives, we all drove one another crazy, as they couldn't deal with my being different, and I couldn't handle their unrealistic demands that I behave normal. We get along better now that we don't live together.

So remember, being solo is not the end of the world. Just take time to grow into being yourself before you try couple-hood. That way, if it doesn't work, you can still fall back on being solo, and won't be freaking out about that.

Grisha, here's another thing; you could start an aspie investment group or mutual fund.