Relationship Problems!

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Hi, I haven't really posted on here before but I always lurk here haha.
I thought this would be the right place to post but I'm not totally sure!
Anyway, does anyone else have serious problems when it comes to being intimate with a boyfriend/girlfriend?

I've been with my boyfriend now for nearly a year and he knows I have Asperger's.
Basically, because we've been together for so long, he wants to get erm 'intimate' >____> We don't really kiss or anything because it makes me feel really uncomfortable. He's had quite a lot of partners so I feel like I have to but I think he's really sick of us not being able to be close. I asked some of my NT friends for advice and they all said that it's not a real relationship unless we kiss and be 'close' because they all do. Apparently everyone is apart from me (I'm 20)

Either way, my bf says he's absolutely sick of being rejected everytime he goes to kiss or cuddle me or anything. I don't know, I don't find the thought of sex appealing whatsoever, I just wish I didn't feel this pressure to have to do it.

Any advice? ^_^

I think you should go your separate ways. It's just that some things if you don't agree or compromise on will cause you way more trouble than they are now. You will always want different things in this area. My ex and I had problems with this too (though not why we broke up). I think sometimes we need to end relationships not because the person is bad but because we can't fulfill each others needs properly.

I think you will have to end it.

If you truly don't think you'd want to have sex, and he does, it's going to blow up in the end. I think I would feel the same way he does if I had been dating for a year and I couldn't even kiss my GF.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to not have sex, and there's nothing wrong with him for wanting sex.

This might be something you'll have to consider in the future though, as you'll probably want to look for guys who feel the same way.

I agree. There is no way to fix this. You shouldn't have to force yourself to do something you don't want to do. And he shouldn't have to force himself to suppress his desires of intimacy. No matter how much you love each other this will always get in the way and prevent your relationship from growing. It's not fair to either of you to stay in this relationship. He's always going to want more and you will always want/give him less.

If he suppresses his intimacy long enough; it will probably result in extra-material affairs.

he's already cheated on me multiple times. I forgave him seeing as he said he needed to do that kind of thing so i thought it'd be that. He's promised not to do it again but he always seems to be texting other girls.


I don't know whether I love him or not. He's good looking and seems nice. If I knew what love felt like then I'd know whether I did or not T_T

You are not fulfilling his needs so someone else is. It is not going to stop. Typically those needs are going to always be there. Like I said it is unfair for either of you to remain in a relationship where the needs of the persons involved are not being met. It doesn't mean you are a failure. It just means you two aren't a good match. One wants sex, the other doesn't. That's not a match. It's a major issue. It's not like I like turkey he doesn't so we'll have chicken. Sex, or the lack thereof tears apart marriages and your relationship is it's next casualty

I guess. Thanks for the advice, I don't think I'll end it, I would like to get over my issues about being close rather than run away from them but hopefully my boyfriend will understand! He's usually fine about it.

The only thing that worries me about that is your issues about being close are a part of you. It is you! You shouldn't have to change who you are for someone else. The person who is going to be with you needs to accept all of you and be able to remain faithful to you at the same time. I've contorted myself into someones box. I changed who I was to make him happy. It hurt the whole time. I tried to convince myself that I could keep up the facade. Slowly I began to realize I had lost myself. The "real" you will start emerging from that box and will put you back in the position you are now. Of course it's your choice. Just something to consider.

I'm in this situation with my girlfriend right now. It's exactly the same, except I've not gone round and cheated. That's not a dig or anything, and while I don't condone cheating this stuff is what happens when one person has different needs from another person and neither's are being fulfilled. My advice would be........

The best thing to do would be to remain just friends and end the relationship. You have something good together but by regular needs it is not a full relationship for one of the people in it. And in your case, being with this guy is going to cause you to have breakdowns and jealousy and heartache.

There's nothing wrong with how either you are. You shouldn't change what you need, they are your needs and no one else's But it is not fair on either of you to keep to this arrangement (by that I mean being together) when one wants sex, or basic intimacy and the other doesn't. Stick to friendship and be willing to see other people.

Maybe his cheating, subconsciously, has something to do with your reluctance to get intimate with him. It could be very different with someone else

It's hard to say what's going on there.

Personally, if I knew my partner cheated on me even once, I would never want to touch his body again. Maybe part of your feeling of disinterested in sex is that you don't trust him. You know, he could have an STI with that kind of history.

I think intimacy, physical and emotional, is based on trust, and he has clearly violated your trust multiple times. Even if you felt that way about him before he cheated, maybe it's because you sensed something about his personality.

I would also agree with going your separate ways--maybe you can work on yourself and try to understand your sexuality better. But don't blame yourself for his cheating--it's no one's fault but his own. At all.

Maybe you'll trust the next guy you're with and you'll feel more comfortable with the idea of intimacy with him. Either way, you can work on discovering more about your sexuality so that you will have happy relationships in the future.