How should I approach women?

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Hi everyone. I was wondering if you could help me. Today I asked out a girl who worked at the Waterstones (UK based chain of bookstores) in the town closest to me. I had spoken to her a couple of times before and just made conversation but when I asked her out for coffee today she just smiled and kind of laughed (Not in a horrible way I don't think) and said no. This has happened with almost every girl I have ever asked out and I was wondering if I was doing something wrong. I'm always clean-shaven, I have short hair, I'm slightly overweight but working on it and I wear t-shirts, jeans, sweaters and hooded and non-hooded sweatshirts. Should I be more confident and flirty when talking to women? Where do you draw the line between flirting with someone and harrassing them? (I don't harrass women) Maybe it's a confidence thing. I always get nervous when I approach someone I fancy. Can anyone suggest anything that might help? Is it a confidence thing? Thanks everyone

It's rather difficult to tell without seeing you on video, you could always go to a club, bar or any environment and observe how people socialize, this will give you a good perspective if you observe closely. Try reading some books on body language and social skills, don't get ripped off by paying thousands for some pick up artist seminar.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aC4sXnox8Vo&list=UUznQwonpzuFdMzaTt7rgGEQ&index=1&feature=plcp[/youtube]

This guy has a very good channel and some really good videos that I think you'd find helpful.

Thanks Wolfheart I'll check that channel out. I'll also try and find some books on body language and social skills as you suggest

I don't approach women very often at all. I'd only do that if they'd shown signs of being interested in me.......if we'd talked together I'd be scanning the conversation for evidence........it's difficult with shop girls because they often pretend to like the customers just to get them buying more stuff. If we'd exchanged basic information (name, rank, serial number, whether or not they already had a partner, etc.), if she seemed glad to see me, and absolutely crucially, if we had any common interests, then I'd probably try inviting her to share a specific interest, rather than this stereotyped "would you like dinner with me," which always seems too bald and difficult to refuse without effectively saying "I don't fancy you." Though if we both had a passion for playing with food, I'd suggest somethig specific along those lines.

So rather than approaching them "cold," I'm just being my usual friendly self until and unless the lady hands out some kind of permission or lets me know that she likes me. If she speaks to me about anything social or superfluous to the superficial transaction, she's giving me permission to speak back. If I'm interested in her and don't see any reason why a relationship couldn't work out, I'll step up the warmth every time she says something nice or invitational to me.

I gather it's mostly about being able to interpret signals. Lots of women really love it when a guy puts his balls on the line for them, confidently making no bones about liking her but still being perfectly in control, being used to women liking him. He's not really taking much of a risk because he's read her signals and thinks nothing of jumping through a couple of hoops to pass her little tests, if she makes any. Naturally, if the guy can't detect any positive signals (either because of poor social intelligence or because she didn't actually give out any signals), he might impulsively try to force it, and he'll probably look awkward and scared, and she might pick up on the negativity and just get embarrassed. If I hadn't seen any signals, my next mission would be to observe her more carefully and find out where she's at with me. I'd also be asking myself why I was getting so interested in somebody I knew nothing about.........that always makes me suspect that narcissistic needs are getting the better of me and that I should back off.

You make a lot of good points that I hadn't considered ToughDiamond. I approach and ask out quite a lot of women whether they give me the signals or not so there's something to be said for narcissistic needs getting the better of me. I will try to find out if a woman shares my interests and if so suggest we do something around that so thanks for that advice.

How do you approach a woman? With caution, and while in cootie armor

JK will delve into this seriously later when I get back. Wolfheart has got the right idea, though.

And similar to what DWH said - in a professional or working environment do not always take kindness as a sign of interest.
It's part of the customer-centric mentality companies force their workers into, and while the times have generally changed women are still employed to attract more men into spending money and they are encouraged to make men feel wanted so they become repeat business.

I think that you should try to do some sort of flirting before asking them out.
If you are uncomfortable trying to flirt with them chances are that you are going to be uncomfortable during coffee/ whatever and things wont go well.

When you are trying to be flirty keep an eye on how she replies. If she is a passive/replying with a few words chances are she´ll say no.

This doesnt mean that if she replies well to the flirting she´ll have some coffee with you but it should help reducing the amount of girls that laugh at you when you ask them out

N.B: If you are unable to do flirting try to do whatever it takes to become more comfortable with it/better at it.
Currently Im in so many weird groups Im unable to go to all of them most of the weeks. This groups usually have a few female friends that are open to just about any kind of conversation and Ive been trying to become more comfortable flirting with them(this week there was some sort of success with a total stranger and I only had to say my line twice before she got it was a compliment ).

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