To be chased is by far more powerful.

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This is a confession of a psychological mess in depth.

When it comes to romantic interest: I find that to be the "chasee", is by far more powerful than to be the "chaser". The "chasee" always have the upper hand. No wonder why a lot of women encourage the "a guy must ask out girl" tradition because it is a beautiful power/privilege that they don't want to give it up. I wouldn't if culture gave me this privilege.

Sadly, personally, most of those who chase/ed often weren't/aren't attractive to me.

But I admit that is a strong ego boost every time it happens, even if I don't like the girl back.

And I admit that when a girl chases me, I feel so powerful, I feel that I have the total upper hand over them: I can be indifferent to them, I can ignore some of their messages and they would still be trying to do another attempt just to make sure, ringing to my phone, and yet I don't feel obligated to reciprocate for every gesture, hell I can even show them obvious signs of non-interest and they would still try hard to get my attention - for example a girl initiates full-blown texting with me, and I reply with one word or ignore her (yet it would mark as Read) and she would still give me the benefit of doubt "I am sorry, if you are busy I won't disturb you right now" :
Devilishly satisfying!.... well at least for some moments till I feel too guilty and admit non-interest.

On the other hand, in cases where I am the "chaser"; I often end up feeling extremely weak, totally at her mercy - anticipating her to initiate texting to me (yet it never happens) , anticipating that she will reply to my text/message; and if ignored I feel crashed, my ego gets stumbled.....etc

It is so devilishly nice to be the chasee.

but so humiliatingly ugly to be the chaser.


And so far I haven't experienced an exception in either of those two positions.


So, what about you? do you like to be the chasee or the chaser?

I don't want to be either one. I get no pleasure, satisfaction or feeling of power to be chased. If I'm being "chased" at all it usually means I have NO interest and thus the continuation of the being chased is repugnant to me and I want it to stop. Because, if I'm interested, there is no chase, I'm there. I don't play chasing games. My no means no, and my yes doesn't need to be chased.

I'd rather be the pursuer than the pursue-ee

I would too, Mr. KraftieKortie, if it weren't so difficult at times!

I enjoy the chase, personally. Not the difficulty of it, though.

With the Aspergers and Anxiety, it's almost like playing a video game on 'Hard' difficulty when I'd rather play on 'Normal/Standard'.

FACE-OF-BOO: Definitely.

Here's my response to possible counter-arguments by some women.

Note: I am not trying to make generalizations about ALL men and women.

What I am about to say only applies to SOME men and women.

SOME women may make these counter arguments about what SOME women have to experience in dating, and my counter-arguments are what SOME men have to experience when it comes to dating:

1. "Just because I am the one approached, doesn't mean I have it easier. Most of the guys who approach me are creeps and otherwise incompatible with me!"

Response:

SOME of us males go through this too.

We aren't compatible with most girls and women, only a small few.

It is easier to be approached by 99 creeps if only 1 is a decent guy, let alone be compatible with you, then it is to have to approach 100 different women only for 1 to give you their number, let alone be compatible with you.

I don't understand why some women feel uncomfortable and threatened by a man even if he approaches in an open, public space in broad daylight.

Perhaps it is harder for some women if they're approached in a dark alley or parking lot at night, but men can also be approached by stranger men in the dark who want to beat and rob them.

But anyway, if he's approaching you at a nightclub or in a public space at day, there's nothing to worry about. The minute he becomes aggressive all you really need to do is self-defend, try to get away, but also yell and cry for help at the top of your lungs, and every healthy man, woman and child in the vicinity will likely rush to your aid before any serious damage is done.

Those nightclubs have 'bouncers' for a reason - they'll rough up any hooligan they know to be making trouble!

2. "Because I'm the one who is approached, I have to come across as approachable. This means working hard on my appearance and having to follow societies trends for what is an attractive woman."

Response:

Some males may not have to work as hard on their appearance, but they still have to put a lot of effort into our looks.

I have noticed, at least in Australia, in the last few years the expectations for young men to be good looking and muscular have only gotten harder and harder to live up to.

We have to take care of our health and hygiene as well.

Otherwise if we approach women as a scruffy mess, our rejection rate will be even higher than it already is.

3. "If I choose to approach, I as a woman am seen by some other people as desperate!"

And if some men choose not to, it's more than likely we'll never find love at all!

Why worry about what others think?

If you approach a man and one day and end up dating him, what does it matter if one or two people called you 'desperate' or a 'sl•t' behind your back?

At least you ended up with someone, and you've just got to cut out the people who criticize you for doing the approaching like that.

Besides, want to know what the male equivalent to calling a woman 'desperate' tends to be?

Entitled.

Some women are considered 'desperate' by society if they decide to approach.

And some men are called 'entitled' if they do not approach and expect women to do the work.

4. "I DO approach men, but none of them have ever shown interest in me back and nothing ever works out with them."

Now you know how some of us men feel.

Being rejected by 15 men in your life is NOTHING compared to the amount some men have.

Personally, in 5 years of high school alone I have had about 35 crushes and only ended up in two short-term relationships with two of them.

Not all of these 35 crushes rejected me, though. Some of them I just failed to talk to at all.

But anyway, the amount of actual rejections I've had is...about 13, including breakups.

I shouldn't think about it too much because every minute I remember another one.

Outrider, aren't you assuming a bit, though, when you say "I don't understand why some women feel uncomfortable and threatened by a man even if he approaches in an open, public space in broad daylight."?

I appreciate you said "some" women and no doubt there are some women who feel uncomfortable or threatened.

But it's not always a case of those two reactions.

I have recently been pestered -- and yes it's pestering now in my particular case -- three times across two separate days now, by the same man, in an open, public space in broad daylight.

But I do NOT feel "uncomfortable" and I do not feel "threatened" in any way shape or form.

You do understand that those are not the only two reasons a woman might not be happy about a man's approaching her?

I don't feel in danger. I feel perfectly safe. I don't think this man is a threat to my physical safety. He doesn't even make me feel "uncomfortable."

The only thing I feel is ANNOYED BECAUSE HE HAS NOT TAKEN MY "NO" as my truth.

I'm annoyed that something I made VERY CLEAR to him has been disrespected and not accepted. He should have gracefully walked away the first time he was told, but he hasn't, he's come back to bother me again twice more further to the initial approach.

I'm not scared. I'm not threatened. I'm not even uncomfortable. I fully know I'm not in any danger. I'm just PISSED OFF NOW.

I wouldn't know; I haven't been a "chasee" before.

this is really black and white thinking and i find it quite disturbing as a title, or as thought/opinion even more

^ which one?

Who would want to be the chasee? It means you're not interested and just being bothered. At least the chaser has something positive - hope. Sometimes the dream is better than the reality.

Is it sad that when I first read the title my first thought was of two opposing armies, though I suppose you could relate it to that in some ways metaphorically. I find way too many things relatable to war

This is not a gender thing even if "culturally" it is expected from man to be the chaser while the woman to be chasee.

But truth is, being the chaser always sucks, regardless of the gender.

and being the chasee, being the center of attention of someone, ...... feels nice, regardless of gender (and here I am excluding the sexual harassment cases, I am just talking about reasonable romantic/showing interest kind of chasing, not anything obscene).

So it's really all about chaser/chasee dynamics rather than male/female.

This applies even on homosexuals.